Think of "Working On Yourself" This Way And It May Just ACTUALLY Work

The speaker discusses the concept of self-healing through introspection and meditation, emphasizing the importance of understanding and addressing past experiences that influence current emotional reactions. They illustrate this with a Reddit post about a man troubled by his wife's moods, suggesting that his reactions are tied to unresolved childhood fears linked to his father's grumpiness. The speaker advises acknowledging these past influences to alter present perceptions and reduce suffering, highlighting the transformative power of reframing past experiences to enhance personal growth and emotional well-being.

• The concept of "working on yourself" and healing is often perceived as vague or overwhelming, leading to misconceptions about personal development.
• Defining and breaking down personal growth into manageable steps can make the process more approachable and less daunting.
• Success in personal growth can lead to a desire for further self-improvement, as it directly impacts day-to-day suffering and personal challenges.

"I made a post on my subreddit on Wednesday about the term working on yourself and healing because I think that's talked about a lot and people hear those terms a lot and if you don't sort of I think have a definite idea of what that means it can just be sort of like this big blurry thing that sounds a little like you know sounds a little woo woo or a little new age or something like that and that can be a turnoff."

• The speaker emphasizes the need for clarity in understanding personal development terms to avoid misconceptions and make the process more accessible.

"I also just think that like when you feel like I have to work on myself and that's not defined and it's not it's not broken up into smaller parts or something that you can actually do it just seems like some big thing that you don't want to do."

• Without clear definitions, personal growth can seem intimidating and unapproachable, discouraging individuals from engaging in self-improvement.

"I think when you find the process that works for you for working on yourself and you have like a little bit of success and you change something that makes your life better at least for me I was like I can't get enough of this like what else is there."

• Experiencing success in personal growth can be motivating, leading to a continuous pursuit of self-improvement as it directly alleviates personal challenges.

• The Reddit post highlights sensitivity to a partner's emotions and the need for introspection to understand personal emotional triggers.
• The focus is on self-reflection and personal growth rather than assigning blame to the partner's behavior.
• Recognizing and addressing one's emotional responses can lead to greater emotional stability and equanimity.

"The title is I'm very sensitive to my wife's grumpiness and dramatic emotions does that indicate some Shadow work that I need to do sorry I am male 40 with a wife and four-year-old son one of the things that causes me a lot of ducka is my wife's moods that's like misery."

• The individual acknowledges their sensitivity to their partner's emotions and seeks to understand if this indicates a need for personal introspection or "Shadow work."

"This is not a discussion about whether my wife is in the right or not this is a discussion about what I can do about my own thoughts and feelings."

• The focus is on personal responsibility and self-reflection, emphasizing the importance of addressing one's emotional responses rather than blaming the partner.

• Meditation practice can improve control over outward emotional reactions.
• Meditation can help reduce the duration of negative emotions, such as anger.
• Practicing meditation could lead to personal growth in handling emotional disturbances.

"Through my meditation practice, I have grown much better at controlling my outward reactions. I seldom snap back at her when she does something I don't like, and I get over it quicker instead of staying mad at her for hours afterwards."

• This quote illustrates how meditation has helped the speaker manage their emotional responses more effectively.

• Childhood experiences, particularly with parents, can influence adult emotional reactions.
• Individuals often recreate similar circumstances in adulthood to address unresolved childhood experiences.
• Recognizing the influence of past experiences can aid in understanding current emotional responses.

"My father was very grumpy when I was a child, and I learned to fear and hate that. A grumpy boss also scares me."

• This quote highlights the long-lasting impact of childhood experiences on adult perceptions and reactions.

• Equanimity involves maintaining a calm and composed state of mind.
• The speaker seeks to achieve equanimity in response to others' moods to reduce personal suffering.
• Understanding the source of emotional disturbances is essential for achieving equanimity.

"I want to find out what I can do to be more equanimous about people's moods and not suffer so much from it."

• This quote reflects the speaker's desire to cultivate equanimity and reduce emotional distress.

• Emotional triggers are often linked to past experiences rather than the current situation.
• Recognizing this connection can help in addressing emotional responses more effectively.
• Separating personal flaws from others' behaviors is crucial in managing emotional triggers.

"The key is recognizing that your reaction to a current situation has almost nothing to do with the current situation."

• This quote emphasizes the importance of understanding the root cause of emotional reactions to manage them better.

• Healing past emotional wounds requires addressing them in the present.
• Creating a new understanding of past experiences can facilitate healing.
• Personal healing leads to significant changes in self-perception and emotional well-being.

"You can't heal the past in the past; it has to happen right now, and the only way that can happen a lot of the time is to create a new projection of the past."

• This quote underscores the necessity of addressing past wounds in the present to foster healing and personal growth.

• Shadow work involves recognizing and addressing subconscious fears that manifest in current experiences.
• Fear often arises from past experiences and is projected onto current situations or individuals, creating an illusion of danger.
• Healing involves changing one's perspective on past events to eliminate toxic emotions and fears.

"If you're feeling fear about something that it makes no sense for you to feel fear about then it's not coming from this thing and yet you're in this moment experiencing this thing as a projection of that fear."

• The quote highlights the concept of projecting past fears onto present situations, emphasizing the irrational nature of such fears.

"It's like you're projecting I'm afraid of this person and it's just like an illusion you're not afraid of this person your fear is coming from some earlier thing."

• This quote explains the nature of fear projection, where the fear is not about the current person or situation but rooted in past experiences.

• Healing past fears involves altering one's perspective on past events to eliminate the emotional burden.
• The process is likened to taking an antibiotic, where changing thoughts can eliminate the illusion of fear.
• Healing is possible by confronting past events with the maturity and understanding of an adult.

"When you heal that past thing and healing just means changing your perspective on it so that the emotions that come up that are toxic go away."

• This quote defines healing as a change in perspective that leads to the dissipation of toxic emotions.

"Feeding yourself this new thought is in the moment when this is happening is like you know taking an antibiotic it kills that thing it removes that thing because the thing that's creating the fear in that moment is an illusion."

• The quote uses a metaphor to describe how changing one's thoughts can eliminate the illusion of fear.

• Many fears and emotional responses originate from childhood or formative years when critical thinking is underdeveloped.
• These fears are imprinted during moments when individuals are defenseless or lack understanding.
• Addressing these fears as an adult allows for healing and the cessation of irrational fear responses.

"A lot of this stuff happens when you're older and then people I think have this reaction of oh well I was too old this doesn't apply to me no it does when you're when you're too young to know better all that's when all this stuff happens."

• This quote emphasizes that fears and emotional responses can be imprinted at any age when understanding is limited.

"You're reacting as though you're still a defenseless child because whenever the original thing happened or was happening that's when this got imprinted in this way."

• The quote explains how past experiences imprint fear responses that persist into adulthood until addressed.

• People often blame themselves for negative experiences without realizing it, even if their thoughts are framed as self-blame.
• This self-blame can be deeply ingrained and unconscious, making it challenging to recognize without deliberate introspection.

"I think most of the time even if you don't feel like you're blaming yourself, you can be completely unaware that you're blaming yourself for things."

• The speaker emphasizes the unconscious nature of self-blame, highlighting its prevalence and the difficulty in recognizing it.

• A mental exercise is suggested to uncover hidden self-blame by reflecting on emotional reactions to current situations.
• The exercise involves tracing back negative reactions to past experiences or decisions, which may reveal their true origins.

"Try this, it's pretty much across the board almost any negative reaction that you're having to something currently is about something from the past."

• The speaker introduces a psychological technique to link present negative emotions to past events, encouraging self-exploration for clarity.

• The process involves acknowledging and expressing emotions related to past experiences to facilitate healing and understanding.
• By confronting these emotions, individuals can realize that their reactions may not be justified by their current circumstances.

"When this guy's wife is freaking out and he looks at her and is feeling his emotions and says, you know, I did not deserve for Dad to act this way."

• An example is provided to illustrate how recognizing unjustified emotional responses can lead to personal insight and resolution.

• Past experiences, especially those involving significant figures like parents, can heavily influence current emotional responses.
• Understanding the roots of these emotions is crucial for overcoming their negative impact on present life situations.

"Sometimes it's not like your dad, sometimes it's some thing that happened, you know, some one-off."

• The speaker acknowledges that not all emotional triggers are related to family, suggesting that various past events can shape current reactions.

• The speaker shares personal testimony of significant life improvement through this psychological approach.
• Emphasizes the value of current mental clarity over past mindsets, highlighting the transformative impact of self-awareness.

"I would absolutely take my current mentality and my current life stop right here and never get anything more... you couldn't pay me enough money to go back there and be stuck in that mindset."

• The speaker contrasts their improved present mindset with their past, underscoring the profound benefits of addressing and resolving past emotional burdens.

• The ultimate goal is to see through illusions created by past experiences and achieve a clearer understanding of current realities.
• Encourages continuous questioning and curiosity to reveal the true nature of one's emotional responses.

"This whole thing is really just about seeing through just all of these illusions."

• The speaker concludes with the idea that breaking free from past illusions leads to a more authentic and fulfilling life experience.