11 Stoic Rules For "The Good Life" - Ryan Holiday

The discussion centers on the importance of authenticity, self-awareness, and the challenges of pursuing meaningful work while maintaining personal integrity. The conversation touches on the pitfalls of seeking validation through premature announcements of projects and the dangers of audience capture, where creators become disconnected from their true values. The dialogue also explores the role of stoicism in providing a framework for living a principled life, emphasizing the need to focus on personal growth and societal contribution rather than external validation. The conversation highlights the significance of living up to one's moral compass and the impact of personal decisions on broader societal change.

• Discusses the idea of not talking about projects until they are nearly done to maintain focus and motivation.
• Highlights the concept of "resistance" as a distraction that can prevent completion of a project.
• Reflects on the importance of earning validation through completed work rather than seeking it prematurely.

"I don't talk about projects as I'm working on them...when I am nearly done or done before I start to talk about it because what it does is it starts to make this thing feel real that is not yet real."

• Emphasizes the importance of keeping projects private until they are complete to maintain focus and motivation.

"The resistance wants you to go hey I'm training for a marathon and people to go that's so great I'm so impressed um but they're impressed with a thing you haven't done yet."

• Highlights how premature praise can lead to a false sense of accomplishment, detracting from actual progress.

• Discusses the neuroscientific basis for the motivation derived from not revealing projects prematurely.
• Mentions dopamine release associated with talking about projects, which can be counterproductive.

"Andrew Huberman told me that there is a neuroscientific basis for that too...you actually get little sort of titrated drips of dopamine when you do talk about doing the thing."

• Explains how neuroscience supports the idea that discussing projects prematurely can reduce motivation due to dopamine release.

• Describes the pitfalls of gaining satisfaction from discussing projects before they are completed.
• Reflects on personal experiences and observations of others who lose interest in projects due to premature discussions.

"He would tell it, it would become real in his mind...he would get bored of it before it came time to actually do the thing."

• Illustrates how discussing plans prematurely can lead to a false sense of completion and loss of interest in actually executing them.

• Explores the concept of focusing on personal goals and self-improvement rather than competing with others.
• Discusses the stoic philosophy of controlling what is within one's power and running one's own race.

"If you only run races where winning is up to you, you'll always win."

• Emphasizes the importance of defining success on personal terms and focusing on self-improvement rather than external validation.

• Reflects on the complexity and uncertainty inherent in making significant life decisions.
• Discusses the importance of openness, self-awareness, and humility when taking risks.

"The truly life-changing decisions are never simple...if I did, I guess there wouldn't have been risks and they probably wouldn't have paid off."

• Highlights the inherent uncertainty in major decisions and the need for humility and openness to navigate them successfully.

• Discusses the challenge of maintaining humility and avoiding ego when experiencing success.
• Reflects on the importance of crediting external factors and maintaining a realistic perspective on achievements.

"I try to stay in reality, not the narrative that other people make up or you make up."

• Emphasizes the importance of staying grounded and avoiding overconfidence by acknowledging the role of external factors in success.

• Explores the idea of building confidence through evidence of past achievements rather than blind self-belief.
• Discusses the importance of understanding one's capabilities based on past experiences and successes.

"I say I don't believe in myself, I have evidence...when people talk about trusting the process, it's much easier to do when the process has paid off for you."

• Highlights the importance of building confidence based on tangible evidence of past successes and understanding one's capabilities.

• Reflects on the value of overcoming challenges and learning from failures.
• Discusses how facing difficulties can lead to personal growth and increased resilience.

"Oddly what we want in anticipation is for everything to go smoothly...what we value in retrospect is all of the sh going sideways."

• Emphasizes the growth and learning that come from overcoming challenges and the value of resilience in personal development.

• Discusses the idea that struggles are often viewed positively in retrospect as they contribute to personal growth.
• Highlights the psychological process of integrating past difficulties into one's identity.

"In retrospect, the struggle will strike you as most beautiful...we understand that we couldn't and wouldn't be where we are without those things."

• Emphasizes the positive perspective gained from past struggles and their role in personal development.

• Explores the process of accepting and growing from difficult experiences.
• Discusses the importance of giving oneself grace and understanding during challenging times.

"I know you're going to tell me this is all for the best...but I'm not there yet."

• Highlights the importance of allowing oneself time to process and grow from difficult experiences while acknowledging future growth potential.

• The key to success is not just ambition or skill, but maintaining sanity and balance.
• Hiring decisions often prioritize individuals who are stable and trustworthy over those who are overly ambitious or high-strung.
• Early career opportunities require one to not mess up rather than achieve extraordinary success immediately.

"Be quiet, work hard, and stay healthy. It's not ambition or skill that is going to set you apart but sanity."

• Emphasizes the importance of mental stability and consistency over sheer ambition.

"I want someone who's not nuts... a lot of young ambitious people... they're too high strung, they're too worried."

• Highlights the challenges of hiring young, ambitious individuals who may lack balance and stability.

• Sustained success requires a long-term perspective and the ability to seize opportunities without being overwhelmed.
• Early opportunities can be risky if one is not fully prepared, emphasizing the need for readiness and adaptability.
• The modern landscape allows for rapid success due to viral opportunities, but this can lead to a lack of preparedness.

"I listened to someone once say... if you stick around long enough you'll get a shot... just don't mess the shot up."

• Stresses the importance of patience and preparedness in taking advantage of opportunities.

"You think you want these things in your early 20s... if you get it, you're immediately behind."

• Warns of the challenges of achieving success too early without the necessary experience or preparation.

• Fame can attract or amplify narcissistic traits, especially in those whose success is not rooted in a specific craft.
• The rise of social media and viral fame has changed the landscape, allowing for rapid, unearned success.
• Craft-oriented success offers a protective mechanism against narcissism by constantly challenging the individual.

"The more craft-oriented what you did was, the more protected you were or less likely you were to have some of these narcissistic traits."

• Suggests that individuals grounded in a craft are less likely to develop narcissistic tendencies.

"If your path to success is based on you getting good at an extremely hard thing, you have this safety mechanism which is it's always kicking your ass."

• Highlights the protective nature of skill-based success against the pitfalls of fame.

• Audience capture can lead to disconnection from one's true beliefs and values, resulting in resentment and inauthenticity.
• Public personas can create pressure to maintain consistency, limiting personal growth and adaptability.
• It's crucial to remain true to oneself and not be swayed by external validation or audience expectations.

"If you get famous feeding red meat to an audience that you don't believe in... you'll resent the work but you'll resent the audience."

• Warns against compromising personal values for audience approval, which leads to resentment.

"I started feeling like I had to live up to in private the things that I was saying in public."

• Illustrates the pressure of maintaining a public persona that may not align with personal beliefs.

• True success should not come at the expense of personal relationships or well-being.
• Observable metrics like salary and status often overshadow hidden metrics such as personal happiness and time.
• Defining personal success requires clarity on what truly matters in life beyond societal standards.

"If it makes you a worse person, it's not success."

• Emphasizes that success should not negatively impact one's character or relationships.

"We often trade hidden metrics for observable metrics."

• Highlights the tendency to prioritize visible achievements over personal fulfillment.

• Low self-esteem can drive individuals to achieve great things, but it often comes at a personal cost.
• The motivation to succeed can stem from a desire to prove oneself, but this can lead to toxic cycles.
• It's important to transcend initial motivations and find healthier, sustainable sources of drive.

"The power of low self-esteem... I'm beyond obsessed with thinking about the price that people pay to be someone that other people admire."

• Explores the complex relationship between self-esteem and the pursuit of success.

"It's a toxic fuel that you can't use for too long... it's potent but toxic in the long term."

• Warns against relying on negative motivations for sustained success.

• Achieving material or professional goals often does not bring the expected fulfillment.
• Recognizing the emptiness of external validation can lead to a shift in motivation towards genuine passion and impact.
• The journey of self-awareness and understanding is often more challenging than achieving external success.

"You win a gold medal... it feels like nothing... nothing has changed."

• Describes the anticlimactic nature of achieving significant goals without internal fulfillment.

"It's easier to be a great man than a good man."

• Highlights the challenge of balancing personal integrity with public success.

• True growth comes from facing and overcoming challenges, not from avoiding difficulty.
• Anxious dispositions can be managed through routine, therapy, and acceptance of life's unpredictability.
• Building resilience involves preparing for difficulties and learning to navigate them effectively.

"Stop wanting things to be easy and prepare for them to be hard."

• Encourages embracing challenges as essential for growth and development.

"My desire to control things... is a recipe for misery."

• Acknowledges the futility of trying to control every aspect of life and the importance of flexibility.

• Success can create a metaphorical "cage," where the rewards of success become burdensome.
• Achieving success should not result in emptiness or a continuous cycle of proving oneself.
• The importance of feeling "enough" and not being driven by compulsion or emptiness.

"I've created this like cage that I'm in, and that seems like a strange reward for being successful at the thing that you do."

• Success can paradoxically limit freedom and create new constraints.

"The reward for getting to a place where you don't really need to think about money... should not be waking up at minus 10."

• Success should provide a sense of fulfillment, not perpetual dissatisfaction.

• The challenge of balancing personal ambitions with family happiness.
• The need to reassess priorities to align with family needs and personal well-being.
• Recognizing the impact of personal habits and decisions on family members.

"The cost is borne by this person who's never been to this restaurant before... this is his weekend."

• Personal habits can inadvertently impact family experiences and happiness.

"Realizing that like... the reward should for success should not be that you just do nothing and you're good."

• Success should alleviate feelings of emptiness and the need to constantly prove oneself.

• Parenthood as a transformative experience that changes individuals hormonally, biologically, and logistically.
• The responsibility of considering the consequences of personal decisions on children.
• The role of children in helping parents reassess and improve themselves.

"The forcing function of the child is ultimately going to be the thing because it changes you like hormonally and biologically and logistically."

• Parenthood necessitates personal growth and adaptation.

"You have to be a real to not be affected by watching the consequences of the decisions... manifest in a child."

• Observing the impact of decisions on children can drive personal change.

• Inner child work as a method for personal transformation and self-compassion.
• The difficulty of reconnecting with childhood memories and emotions.
• Children as a mirror for understanding one's own childhood and development.

"When you have a physical manifestation of you at every age... it's a very powerful thing about having kids."

• Children provide insights into one's own developmental stages and needs.

"You can see that seven-year-old interacting with your own parents... that's also illustrative."

• Observing children with one's own parents can reveal family dynamics and needs.

• The importance of breaking generational patterns and trauma responses.
• The heroic effort required to change inherited family dynamics.
• The role of modern parents in addressing past generational issues.

"The default is that that happens again, and so if you want it to go differently, the amount of work that you have to do is considerable."

• Changing generational patterns requires significant effort and intentionality.

"What is more heroic than acting as a Breakwater or a Dam from this sort of weird parental generational patterning trauma response?"

• Breaking generational cycles is a significant and heroic undertaking.

• Justice as the most important virtue, guiding all other virtues.
• The relationship between justice and personal character in daily decisions.
• The importance of acting justly in both personal and public spheres.

"Justice is what everything else has to be directed towards."

• Justice serves as the foundation for all other virtues and actions.

"The fruit of this life is good character and works for the common good."

• Justice involves both personal integrity and contributing to the greater good.

• Courage and wisdom are essential for pursuing justice.
• Historical figures like Martin Luther King and Gandhi exemplify the integration of justice, courage, and wisdom.
• The practical application of justice requires strategic thinking and action.

"Knowing what the right thing is and doing the right thing are very different things."

• Justice requires not only understanding but also the courage to act.

"Gandhi as a political strategist... nonviolence was both an invention and a genius tactic."

• Gandhi's strategic use of nonviolence illustrates the power of combining justice with wisdom.

• The challenge of maintaining integrity in a world where others may not play by the rules.
• The long-term benefits of ethical behavior versus short-term gains from unethical actions.
• The personal and societal consequences of living without integrity.

"Keeping your word is expensive... these all add costs to the bottom line."

• Ethical behavior can be costly but ultimately more rewarding.

"There's a hell on Earth that you can live in also... denial of the consequences of your decisions on other people."

• Living without integrity creates personal and societal consequences.

• The importance of historical role models in shaping personal values and behavior.
• The contrast between positive and negative role models in understanding the impact of power.
• The role of historical study in maintaining personal integrity and transparency.

"Marcus has these two role models in his life... the positive role model and the negative role model."

• Role models provide contrasting examples of integrity and the misuse of power.

"The study of history is so important... Marcus Reus is has these two role models in his life."

• Historical understanding helps maintain personal integrity and avoid the pitfalls of power.

• Hadrian's succession plan involved choosing Antoninus as his successor, with Marcus Aurelius to follow, showcasing the importance of foresight in leadership.
• Antoninus was chosen due to a small act of kindness, illustrating how minor actions can reflect significant character traits.
• Marcus Aurelius had contrasting role models in Hadrian and Antoninus, which influenced his development and leadership style.

"People that he killed it's a terrible sad destructive end but Hadrian does one good thing which he sees something in Marcus and he wants him to succeed him."

• Despite Hadrian's destructive end, his decision to plan for a successor reflects a moment of foresight and recognition of potential in Marcus.

"Marcus has this handful of years with Hadrian the who you don't want to be how how bad it can go and then he has in Antoninus everything you would want in a ruler."

• Marcus Aurelius was influenced by both Hadrian's flaws and Antoninus' virtues, shaping his own leadership ideals.

• The Stoics emphasize the importance of having role models or ideals that guide one's actions and decisions.
• John Boyd's concept of choosing between being someone or doing something highlights the conflict between personal ambition and broader impact.

"He's basically asking what's your North Star is your North Star to have positive impact to serve your country to make people better or is your North Star rank power influence money Fame."

• The quote underscores the necessity of choosing between personal gain and the greater good, a recurring theme in Stoic philosophy.

• The story of Marcus Drusus highlights the value of transparency and the dangers of creating a divide between public and private personas.
• Accountability and consistency in one's actions and beliefs are crucial for personal integrity.

"I'll give you 10 talents make it entirely visible."

• Marcus Drusus valued transparency over privacy, emphasizing the importance of integrity and accountability in leadership.

• Philosophy, especially Stoicism, serves as a tool for personal growth and consistency in one's beliefs and actions.
• Engaging in philosophical discussions or activities, like recording a podcast, can help refine and solidify one's views.

"I have a prescription that everyone should do a fake podcast with a friend once a week."

• Engaging in regular discussions helps maintain consistency in beliefs and encourages thoughtful reflection and communication.

• Truman's presidency exemplifies Stoic virtues, as he made unpopular yet principled decisions based on a strong moral code.
• His background and rise to power reflect the impact of character and integrity in leadership.

"Harry Truman was one of the most incredible presidents in American history because basically you have a regular guy just suddenly the most powerful person in the world."

• Truman's story illustrates how a strong moral foundation can guide effective leadership, even in challenging circumstances.

• Justice is not only about grand political decisions but also about everyday choices that reflect one's principles.
• The story of Danielle de Prima emphasizes the importance of keeping one's word and prioritizing personal commitments over external pressures.

"If I don't go relieve the babysitter I'm dead as an artist."

• Danielle de Prima's decision underscores the significance of personal integrity and the impact of small, principled actions.

• Humans possess inherent moral instincts, but these can be influenced by societal pressures and personal biases.
• Balancing instinctive reactions with thoughtful reflection is crucial for moral decision-making.

"They find like even babies they've done studies of babies is this psychologist Paul Bloom like even babies he has a wrote this book called just babies."

• The innate sense of fairness and justice in humans suggests a foundational moral compass that can be developed and refined.

• Nonviolent resistance, as exemplified by Martin Luther King Jr., requires immense discipline and moral conviction.
• Training and preparation are essential for maintaining nonviolence in the face of aggression.

"He's giving this talk and a Neo-Nazi storms the stage and just begins like beating the out of him and so here he is he's talked about it."

• King's deliberate choice to remain nonviolent during an attack highlights the strength and impact of disciplined moral conviction.

• Stoicism is not about suppressing emotions but about using philosophical principles to improve oneself and society.
• The philosophy encourages engagement with the world and the pursuit of the common good.

"Stoicism is a philosophy that gets involved that gets engaged that tries to make a positive difference."

• Stoicism's focus on self-improvement and societal contribution challenges individuals to act with integrity and purpose.

• There is a risk of misinterpreting Stoicism as a tool for personal gain or emotional suppression.
• True Stoicism involves a balance of self-mastery and concern for others.

"Stoicism is not a philosophy to help you suppress the pesky emotions that come up when you are running an international webcam ring of exploited women."

• The misuse of Stoic principles for selfish or unethical purposes contradicts the philosophy's core values of virtue and justice.