you chase love so hard because you don't love yourself enough

The speaker addresses individuals who intensely pursue love, often at their own expense, emphasizing that their capacity to love is a valuable asset, not a curse. They argue that the root issue lies in a lack of self-love, stemming from past experiences and societal pressures. The speaker suggests that true self-worth requires active, mindful effort to rewire negative patterns and encourages treating oneself with the same compassion and understanding given to loved ones. By cultivating self-love, individuals can improve their lives and form healthier relationships, avoiding the pitfalls of seeking external validation.

• The speaker addresses individuals who love intensely, describing them as those who fall in love quickly and deeply, often at their own expense.
• This intense love can make individuals vulnerable to heartbreak and exploitation.
• The speaker emphasizes that the ability to love deeply is a valuable trait, not a curse.

"The ones that love fast and love hard. The ones that seem to be so in tune with love that they're deeply in love with the very concept itself."

• This quote highlights the intense and passionate nature of certain individuals' approach to love.

"Make no mistake, contrary to what others say or what you've experienced, your ability to love so hard is a highly coveted treasure, not a curse."

• The speaker reassures listeners that their capacity to love deeply is a strength and should be appreciated as such.

• The speaker suggests that the root issue for those who love intensely may be a lack of self-love.
• It is implied that self-love is crucial to forming healthy relationships and protecting oneself from emotional harm.

"The issue isn't that you love so hard, it's the place where it's coming from. Because odds are the reason why you chase love so hard is because you don't love yourself enough."

• The speaker points out that the motivation behind seeking love intensely may stem from insufficient self-love.

• The speaker shares their motivation for creating content, which is to provide guidance and support to others, akin to an older sibling.
• They find personal fulfillment in helping others find clarity in their lives.

"The reason for that is because one of the things I seek in life is fulfillment. And one of the ways I'm able to achieve that is by being to others the older brother I would have wanted for myself."

• The speaker's personal mission is to offer the guidance they wish they had, which brings them a sense of fulfillment.

• The speaker introduces a framework for finding one's purpose by considering what one loves, is good at, what the world needs, and what one can be paid for.
• This framework guided the speaker to return to school and pursue further education.

"A good starting point that has helped push me in the right direction is finding the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for."

• The speaker provides a practical approach to discovering one's purpose, which has personally benefited them.

• The concept of conditional love is introduced, emphasizing how individuals often feel valued only based on achievements or external validations.
• This mindset is ingrained from childhood experiences, where praise and criticism are tied to performance.
• Social media and societal pressures contribute to a skewed perception of self-worth, often creating echo chambers that reinforce negative beliefs.
• Internal struggles, such as being mocked for personal interests or experiencing repeated failures, further erode self-worth.
• The core issue is the internalization of the belief that love is conditional, leading to a constant need for external validation to feel worthy.

"As a kid, you were only acknowledged for your achievements or your shortcomings. You only got praise when you received straight A's or won first place."

• This quote highlights the early conditioning where love and validation are tied to achievements, setting a foundation for conditional self-worth.

"Whether instilled by outside forces or from within, they made you internalize a certain belief that love is conditional and as a default state, you are unworthy of receiving love."

• This quote underscores the pervasive impact of both external and internal influences in fostering the belief that love is conditional, leading to a lack of self-worth.

• Individuals with low self-worth often seek validation from others to compensate for their internal void.
• Emotional investment in relationships can be disproportionate due to a history of deprivation of love and affection.
• This leads to ignoring red flags and fantasizing about a future with someone who provides a semblance of validation.
• The desperation to prove one's worth results in self-sacrifice and effort in relationships, often without reciprocation.

"When you lack self-worth and are unable to give yourself the assurance that you're good enough, you'll seek it from others."

• This quote explains the tendency to seek external validation as a substitute for internal self-assurance.

"You know why you'd be willing to go to such lengths at your own expense for someone who hasn't proven that they would do the same for you? Because you're desperate to prove to them that you are worth something."

• This quote illustrates the lengths to which individuals will go to gain validation, even when it is not reciprocated, driven by a deep-seated need to feel worthy.

• The lack of self-worth results in heightened emotional vulnerability and attachment in relationships.
• Individuals cling to any form of affection, often romanticizing it to maintain a sense of being loved.
• This vulnerability can lead to unhealthy relationship dynamics, where one partner invests more than the other.
• Compliments and superficial validations are often misconstrued as genuine affection, reinforcing the cycle of self-sacrifice.

"You know why you get emotionally invested too fast? Because you've been deprived of love and affection all your life."

• This quote highlights the root cause of rapid emotional attachment, stemming from a history of love deprivation.

"You desperately cling on to the glimmer of affection that you're finally receiving, and you romanticize it as a way to keep the fire alive."

• This quote captures the tendency to romanticize minimal affection to maintain a semblance of being loved, despite potential red flags.

• The discussion highlights a common issue where individuals remain in unhealthy relationships due to low self-esteem and lack of self-worth.
• People often undervalue their contributions and accept less than they deserve, akin to selling a diamond for less than its value.
• Acts of love, such as emotional investment and self-sacrifice, are valuable but should be reciprocated and appreciated by the recipient.
• The problem arises when these acts are given to those who do not reciprocate or value them, leading to an imbalance in the relationship.

"You know why you stay despite the fact that they've proven time and time again that they aren't good for you because you think so lowly of yourself that you don't have the expectations that you deserve the same treatment you are providing for others."

• This quote emphasizes the role of low self-esteem in staying in toxic relationships, highlighting the lack of self-expectation for equal treatment.

"It's like you're selling a diamond to the first person that offers to buy it without taking into consideration that there are other people willing to buy it for so much more."

• The metaphor illustrates how individuals undervalue themselves and settle for less, not recognizing their true worth.

• The text suggests that people may not be in love with their partner, but rather with the feeling of being wanted.
• This desire for validation stems from an unstable sense of self-worth outside of being desired by others.
• The narrative challenges the notion of self-love as a simple solution, acknowledging the complexity of changing ingrained behavior patterns.

"You're not acting out of love. You're acting to fill that hole that you can't seem to fill yourself because you're not actually in love with that person. You're in love with the feeling of being wanted because you don't have a stable sense of self-worth outside of being wanted."

• This quote highlights the difference between genuine love and the need for external validation, pointing to the root of self-worth issues.

"It's easier said than done. And well, yeah, it is. Your current thinking and behavior patterns resulted from a culmination of countless years of life experience."

• The quote acknowledges the difficulty of changing long-standing behavior patterns, emphasizing that self-love requires active effort and mindfulness.

• Genuine self-worth requires understanding the reasons behind self-improvement activities, rather than merely imitating them.
• The text proposes a thought exercise to help individuals understand how they should treat themselves with the same care and empathy as they do others.
• The exercise encourages individuals to reflect on their feelings and actions towards someone they love and apply the same principles to themselves.

"Things like going to the gym, reading books, and affirmations are useful, but only when you understand the fundamental principle for why you're doing them in the first place."

• This quote stresses the importance of understanding the purpose behind self-improvement actions, rather than performing them superficially.

"Think of someone you love... Now, how would you feel if that person got hurt? Whether that be emotional or physical, what feelings come up when you see them crying, being mistreated, struggling."

• The thought exercise encourages empathy towards oneself by drawing parallels with how one would naturally care for a loved one, promoting self-compassion and understanding.

• Cultivating self-love involves treating yourself with the same care and compassion you extend to loved ones.
• Recognizing yourself as both a player and a spectator in life can help in understanding self-worth.
• Conceptualizing oneself as a separate being can aid in better self-treatment.

"Do you abandon them when times get tough? Take note of all these feelings and the thoughts you had for that person. Now, switch that person you thought of with yourself."

• This quote emphasizes the importance of applying the love and patience you have for others to yourself, especially during difficult times.

"Sometimes we have to conceptualize ourselves as separate human beings outside of our own POV to conceptualize how to treat ourselves better."

• Suggests that viewing oneself from an external perspective can help in understanding and improving self-treatment.

• Engaging in activities like exercising and reading are expressions of self-love as they contribute to personal growth and well-being.
• Self-improvement is driven by the desire for a better life experience, akin to wanting the best for loved ones.
• Authentic self-love involves reality checks and pursuing meaningful relationships.

"When you conceptualize what it means to love yourself the way you love others, habits like going to the gym and reading books start to make sense."

• Highlights that self-care activities are logical extensions of self-love, similar to actions taken for loved ones' well-being.

"Because you love yourself, you choose to improve your living experience. Or in the case of chasing love, you choose to walk away when the person doesn't compliment your life."

• Indicates that self-love involves making choices that enhance personal happiness and fulfillment.

• Self-worth is not about entitlement but about recognizing one's value despite imperfections.
• It involves a deep understanding of oneself and standing firm against actions that diminish one's value.
• Cultivating self-love should not be confused with developing a narcissistic ego.

"Don't conflate having self-worth with entitlement. Having self-worth isn't about self-obsession where you expect the world to bow down to you because you're worth it."

• Clarifies that self-worth is about self-acceptance and not expecting undue recognition or treatment from others.

"It's about knowing who you are at a deeper, more substantial level and standing your ground when someone acts in a way that tries to undermine your value."

• Emphasizes the importance of self-knowledge and resilience in maintaining self-worth.

• Self-love is fundamental as it provides a foundation for giving and receiving love from others.
• Prioritizing self-love can lead to more fulfilling relationships and personal happiness.

"A lot of us seek love and we have a lot of it to give. So, how about we start by giving it to the person in our lives that has been deprived of it the most, ourselves."

• Encourages individuals to focus on self-love as a prerequisite for healthy relationships with others.

"Because the best love comes only once you learn to love yourself."

• Conveys that self-love is essential for experiencing genuine and fulfilling love from others.