DESERVING: Episode about Deserving vs. Entitlement - Teal Swan

The discussion centers on the concept of deserving, highlighting the widespread belief that individuals do not deserve what they want as a form of self-hate rooted in childhood experiences. The speaker argues that this belief is a societal disorder, often confused with entitlement, and stems from parenting styles that fail to nurture self-worth. Deserving is framed as an intrinsic self-worth, while entitlement involves expecting others to fulfill one's desires. Through a guided visualization exercise, the speaker encourages reconnecting with one's childhood self to reaffirm the inherent deservingness of happiness and love, emphasizing that the universe does not judge worthiness but responds to one's vibrational alignment with desires.

• The central theme is the idea that the belief of not deserving what one wants is a significant barrier to achieving desires.
• The notion of "I don't deserve something" is characterized as a collective human disorder and equated to self-hate.
• This belief often originates in childhood, forming a pattern when children do not receive what they want and conclude they must not deserve it.

"The biggest roadblock to you getting whatever it is that you want, is the idea that you don't deserve it."

• The speaker identifies the belief of undeservingness as a fundamental obstacle to personal fulfillment.

"Believing that you do not deserve what you want, regardless of what that is, is self hate."

• The notion of undeservingness is linked to self-hatred, suggesting a deep-seated negative self-perception.

• Babies are born with an inherent sense of deservingness, expecting their basic needs to be met without question.
• The transition from a state of having needs freely met to being denied creates confusion in children.
• Parents often struggle to differentiate between deservingness and entitlement, inadvertently fostering a belief in children that they don't deserve what was once freely given.

"A baby comes in with the understanding that it deserves those things, the same way that no adult would look at a baby and say: 'This baby doesn't deserve these things.'"

• This quote highlights the innate sense of deservingness present at birth, which is universally recognized and accepted.

"Parents have a very hard time distinguishing between deserving and entitlement."

• The difficulty parents face in distinguishing these concepts can lead to children feeling undeserving, impacting their self-worth.

• Parents often reinforce dependence rather than cultivating independence and self-worth in their children.
• An arbitrary line is drawn where children's needs become perceived as burdens, leading to messages that they don't deserve everything they want.
• This shift from unconditional provision to conditional acceptance fosters confusion and a belief in personal deficiency.

"Instead of building a child's self-concept, with things like, culturing independence, they tend to play into a child's dependence."

• This statement critiques the tendency of parents to foster dependence rather than independence, impacting children's self-concept.

"The child comes to this only logical conclusion that can be drawn, which is: 'I must have done something wrong to deserve this.'"

• This quote illustrates how children internalize undeservingness as personal failure, affecting their self-esteem.

• Society often equates the belief in deservingness with entitlement and bad behavior.
• Children are taught that to be loved, they must be good, and that bad behavior results in not deserving good things.
• This socialization leads to self-punishment and the mistaken belief that humility involves denying one's own deservingness.

"We are socialized into the belief that the only people who believe that they deserve things, are entitled, and therefore bad people."

• The societal view equating deservingness with entitlement contributes to negative self-beliefs.

"We think that surely if we operate from the belief that we don't deserve things, it will make us more lovable."

• This quote reflects the misconception that denying one's own deservingness equates to humility and increases lovability.

• Deserving is rooted in self-worth, where an individual believes they are worthy of their wants and needs.
• Entitlement involves the belief that one has a right to claim what they deserve from others, often stemming from insecurity.
• Deserving is associated with self-love and confidence in one's ability to achieve goals independently.
• Entitlement is linked to pride and arrogance, masking a lack of self-worth and leading to suffering.
• Deserving is horizontal thinking, focusing on self-reliance, whereas entitlement is vertical thinking, focusing on external validation.

"Deserving is the deep internal knowing, that one is worthy of what one wants and needs."

• This quote highlights the intrinsic nature of deserving, emphasizing self-worth and internal validation.

"Entitlement is the belief that one has the right to claim what one deserves, from others."

• This quote illustrates entitlement as an external expectation, relying on others to fulfill one's needs.

"Entitlement is a form of deep deep suffering, and deserving is a form of self-love."

• This quote contrasts the negative impact of entitlement with the positive, self-affirming nature of deserving.

• A visualization exercise is suggested to explore feelings of deserving and self-worth.
• Participants are encouraged to imagine a safe space and visualize themselves as a child.
• The exercise involves reflecting on the child's emotions and sense of being loved or deserving happiness.
• Questions are posed to challenge beliefs about deserving happiness and love, both in childhood and adulthood.
• The exercise aims to foster self-compassion and recognition of inherent worthiness.

"I want you to close your eyes and I want you to envision a safe space in your own mind."

• This quote introduces the visualization exercise, encouraging a mental space for reflection and introspection.

"What you will find is you can never look at your childhood self and say that it deserves to be unhappy and unloved."

• This quote emphasizes the universal deserving of love and happiness, challenging negative self-beliefs.

"You can only ever look at your childhood self and understand that this child, just like every other child, deserves to be happy and to be loved."

• This quote reinforces the idea that everyone, including one's past self, inherently deserves love and happiness.

• The exercise involves visualizing your childhood self and recognizing that the child deserves happiness, love, and fulfillment.
• It's important to acknowledge that the deserving nature of the child has not changed over time, even as one grows into adulthood.
• This visualization helps in understanding and reinforcing self-worth and self-love.

"I want you to try to find the point at which you no longer deserved, like that child deserved. Is there a point when that child died and suddenly, an adult took its place? The answer to that question is always: No."

• This quote emphasizes that the inherent worth and deserving nature from childhood do not diminish with age.

"I want you to tell this childhood you, that they deserve to be loved and deserve to be happy and that they deserve to have anything they need and want."

• This encourages affirmations of self-worth and the right to happiness and fulfillment.

• The exercise involves providing comfort to your inner child, allowing them to express emotions and ensuring they feel safe and loved.
• It involves visualizing giving the child what they need and reinforcing the idea that you are there to support them.

"Comfort them the way that you have always wanted to be comforted."

• This suggests providing oneself with the love and reassurance that might have been lacking in the past.

"Imagine that this child has a warm bed, and its favorite food to eat, and a companion to play with in this safe space inside your mind."

• This creates a mental image of safety and fulfillment for the inner child, reinforcing a sense of security and contentment.

• The visualization aims to dismantle the arbitrary lines of deservingness that individuals might draw for themselves over time.
• It highlights that self-worth is inherent and not contingent on external achievements or failures.

"You could not have done anything in your life to ever justify not deserving."

• This reinforces the idea that self-worth is unconditional and not dependent on life events or personal actions.

"Every single time when you tell yourself: 'I don't deserve that', it's the same as looking at the small child, which still is within you, and saying: 'You don't deserve it.'"

• This illustrates the impact of negative self-talk on one's inner child and highlights the importance of positive reinforcement.

• The exercise concludes with transitioning back to the present, carrying forward the lessons of self-worth and deservingness.
• It emphasizes the continuity of deservingness from childhood to adulthood and the importance of self-love.

"When you feel as if your child is ready for you to be able to leave, hug them, and then tell them that you love them and always have and always will."

• This signifies closure and reassurance, reinforcing a lasting connection and commitment to self-care and self-love.

"What this should have taught you, is that it's very very easy to look at a child and understand that they deserve whatever it is that they came here to this planet to get."

• This reflects the ease of recognizing inherent worth in a child and encourages the same recognition for oneself.

• The concept of deservingness is not applicable in the universe; everyone inherently deserves happiness and love just as their childhood self did.
• The universe operates on vibrational matches, not on the concept of deserving or not deserving.
• Thoughts dictate vibrations, which in turn affect what one receives from the universe.
• Doubting one's deservingness is the primary reason for not receiving desired outcomes.
• The universe is non-judgmental and does not doubt or withhold based on perceived deservingness.

"There was never, is not and will never be a time when you deserve anything less than your childhood self deserves."

• This quote emphasizes the inherent and perpetual deservingness of individuals, equating it to the innocence and worthiness of a child.

"The reasons that we don't get what it is that we want, has nothing to do with the fact that we don't deserve it."

• It highlights that the universe's response is not based on deservingness but rather on vibrational alignment.

"This universe will never look at you with the eyes of doubt. It will never look at you with the eyes of judgment."

• The universe is depicted as an impartial entity that does not judge or doubt individuals' worthiness.

• Achieving desires is linked to being a vibrational match to those desires, not to deserving them.
• Changing one's thoughts to align with the belief of deservingness can lead to quick manifestations.
• The universe responds swiftly to new thoughts focused on deservingness and worthiness.
• Self-perception and belief in one's worthiness are crucial for aligning with desired outcomes.

"The universe understands that you can have whatever it is, because you are a creator, the minute you turn your attention to it."

• This quote suggests that individuals have the power to create their reality by focusing their attention on their desires.

"You will find out that the chips are overwhelmingly stacked in your favor, the minute you begin to accept that you deserve to be the recipient of whatever it is that you're asking for."

• It indicates that accepting one's deservingness aligns the universe to work in one's favor.

"The universe will literally knock itself out, to deliver you the manifestations of those thoughts."

• The universe is portrayed as actively working to fulfill desires when individuals align their thoughts with deservingness.

• The human concept of needing to earn or prove deservingness does not align with the universe's perspective.
• Mistakes or past actions do not affect one's deservingness in the eyes of the universe.
• Deservingness is an absolute and inherent aspect of existence, not contingent upon actions or changes.

"You don't need to do anything to deserve it. You don't need to change yourself in any way to deserve it."

• This quote dismisses the notion of having to earn worthiness, asserting it as an inherent quality.

"The human concept of needing to do something, to deserve something... does not mirror the way the universe sees this life."

• It contrasts human societal beliefs with the universe's unconditional perspective on deservingness.

"You deserve it. Whatever it is you're asking for."

• A reaffirmation of the universal truth that everyone inherently deserves their desires.