Why It’s Okay for Friendships to End Ep 383



In this episode of "The Game," Alex Hormozi, the owner of acquisition.com, delves into the complexities of interpersonal relationships amidst personal growth and success. He reflects on his experiences of losing friends who couldn't support his ascent and shares insights from his conversation with close friend Dean Graziosi about the costs of pursuing dreams. Alex emphasizes the natural process of outgrowing past relationships and the importance of selecting friends who genuinely support you and help you grow. He also discusses the emotional challenges of navigating these changes and the value of being comfortable alone to make room for more meaningful connections. Ultimately, Alex encourages listeners to embrace the changes in their social circles as a sign of personal growth and development.

Summary Notes

Personal Growth and Relationships

  • People often support others until they surpass them in success, at which point the support may fade.
  • True friends will be honest and playful with you directly, but will praise you when you're not present.
  • Fake friends will praise you to your face but speak negatively behind your back.
  • Relationships can change as individuals grow and their paths diverge, leading to potential loss of old friendships.

"What's interesting is that a lot of people will root for you until you do better than them, and then they stop rooting for you. And it was just because they didn't actually want to see me win."

This quote highlights the sometimes conditional nature of support from peers, where it may be contingent upon not being outshone by the person they are supporting.

Networking and Net Worth

  • The common saying "your network is your net worth" may not be literally true, especially for the ultra-wealthy, but carries a spiritual truth about the influence of one's social circle.
  • The idea that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with doesn't hold up for individuals like Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos, who spend time with people less wealthy than themselves.

"A lot of people have heard the term your network is your net worth. And to a degree, that's true. To the other degree, that's the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Well, it's not true for Bill Gates and for Jeff Bezos..."

Alex Hormozi challenges the literal interpretation of the saying by pointing out exceptions among the extremely wealthy, suggesting the saying should not be taken at face value.

The Cost of Dreams and Fame

  • Pursuing dreams and fame comes with a price, such as loss of privacy and exposure to negative feedback.
  • The decision to build a personal brand or become a public figure involves weighing the pros and cons.
  • For some, like Dean Graziosi, the impact they wish to make is worth the negative aspects of fame.

"About the cost of fame, right? And he said, yeah, I've got people who show up at my house and people who leave weird, mean comments, and he's like, all the time. And the thing is that that is a price I'm willing to pay to make the impact that I want to make with my life."

Dean Graziosi explains that despite the downsides of fame, such as invasions of privacy and negative comments, he accepts these as the cost for the greater impact he aims to achieve.

The Evolution of Friendships

  • Friendships can evolve or dissolve as individuals grow and pursue different paths in life.
  • The sentiment of never forgetting one's roots and the support of old friends is common, but not all friends provide support during one's rise to success.
  • The loss of friends can be part of the growth process, and it's a reality faced by many, including Alex Hormozi and Dean Graziosi.

"And he had said that he recently had lost one of his last friends, the last friend that he had had from kind of his childhood. And I think that there's a lot of people who are like, never forget where you come from and the people who supported you, et cetera."

Alex Hormozi reflects on the conversation with Dean Graziosi about the loss of long-standing friendships, acknowledging the common advice to remember one's roots while also recognizing the complexity of maintaining those relationships over time.

The Hormozi Advertising Cycles

  • Alex Hormozi has developed an advertising cycle that he's considering patenting.
  • This cycle is significant enough to be featured in an upcoming book.
  • A friend's blunt advice helped Hormozi maintain perspective on his work.

"I was thinking about patenting the hormonesi advertising cycles. I spent so long developing the cycle, which is going to be in one of the books that comes up in the future."

Alex Hormozi is contemplating the patenting of his advertising cycle, which is a significant part of his work and will be included in a future book.

The Value of Candid Friendship

  • Hormozi values friends who are straightforward and can offer candid feedback.
  • He appreciates friends who can challenge his ideas rather than offer false praise.

"And that's exactly what I want from a friend. Right. I want somebody who's going to say that rather than be like, oh, that's cool, and then be like, I can't believe this guy."

Hormozi expresses his preference for friends who are honest and direct, which he finds more valuable than insincere compliments.

Seasons, Reasons, and Lifetimes in Relationships

  • Hormozi discusses the idea that people come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.
  • He reflects on how many of his relationships have been seasonal.
  • The saying highlights the transient nature of many relationships in life.

"And so we have these people that we collect throughout our lives, and sometimes that come in, you've probably heard the saying, they're here for a season, a reason, or a lifetime."

Hormozi brings up a common saying about the transient nature of relationships, indicating that he has experienced many short-term relationships throughout his life.

Support in the Pursuit of Success

  • Hormozi did not receive much support from his parents in his early career.
  • His parents only acknowledged his decisions after his success became obvious.
  • This lack of support was emotionally challenging for Hormozi.

"But I did not have any support from my parents for the decisions that I took until it was already beyond obvious that I was going to be successful."

Hormozi shares that his parents did not support his career choices until his success was undeniable, which was a difficult experience for him.

Ascending Towards Goals and Vision Clarity

  • As individuals move closer to their goals, their life vision becomes clearer.
  • This clarity can create contrast with people from the past.
  • Hormozi believes in progressing toward the future rather than dwelling on the past.

"But as we ascend towards our goals, and I don't say ascend in a literal sense in terms of, like, socioeconomic status or whatever, but just like we move closer towards where we want to go and our vision and our mission in our lives become clear."

Hormozi discusses the metaphorical ascent toward personal goals and clarifying one's mission in life, which can lead to changes in relationships.

Relationship Dynamics and Growth

  • Hormozi has rules of thumb for maintaining relationships.
  • He prefers to talk about the future or present interests rather than the past.
  • Relationships that don't involve growth or new experiences tend to decline.

"One of them is, if I could only talk about the past with someone, they usually aren't good friends of mine because I don't really live in the past, I live in the future."

Hormozi explains his approach to friendships, emphasizing the importance of focusing on current and future interests to sustain a relationship.

Guilt and Relationship Maintenance

  • Hormozi has felt guilty about losing relationships.
  • He also feels guilty about maintaining relationships out of obligation.
  • Relationships should involve an exchange of value.

"But I also felt a guilt of carrying them on, as in, I felt like I needed to water these plants out of necessity rather than out of some sort of exchange."

Hormozi describes feeling obligated to maintain relationships that lack mutual benefit, comparing it to watering plants out of necessity.

The Exchange of Value in Relationships

  • Hormozi believes that relationships persist because of an exchange of value.
  • The depth of a relationship correlates with how long one is willing to wait for this exchange.
  • Parents, for example, are willing to wait a long time for a return from their children.

"Strength or depth of the relationship is how long you are willing to wait for the exchange to occur."

Hormozi discusses the concept that the strength of a relationship is measured by the patience one has for the reciprocal exchange of value.

Intermittent Reinforcement and Addiction in Relationships

  • Hormozi compares relationship dynamics to intermittent reinforcement and addiction.
  • Positive experiences in relationships act as reinforcement.
  • The frequency of these positive exchanges can vary and still maintain the relationship.

"It's intermittent reinforcement from a behavior standpoint, right? Like we are literally reinforced in this relationship."

Hormozi draws a parallel between behavioral reinforcement in relationships and the concept of intermittent reinforcement used in the study of behavior and addiction.

Human Behavior and Relationships

  • Human behavior often follows a pattern of alternating positive and negative interactions.
  • Abuse in relationships can manifest as a cycle of positive actions followed by negative ones.
  • Over time, the positive interactions can decrease, leaving a predominantly negative relationship.

"Like abuse. Positive, abuse positive, positive, positive. And then like abuse. And then positive is a little bit later, and then a little bit later until the point where there's almost no positive whatsoever."

This quote illustrates the cycle of abuse in relationships, indicating that positive interactions can gradually be overshadowed by negative ones, leading to a harmful dynamic.

Personal Growth and Friendship

  • Personal growth can result in the loss of friendships.
  • New friends often come into one's life to fill the void left by others, but there may be a period of solitude before this happens.
  • Being comfortable with solitude can lead to more selective and meaningful relationships.

"And the upside is people will come into your life to fill the vacuum that the other people left. But sometimes it doesn't happen immediately."

This quote emphasizes that while friends may be lost during personal growth, new and potentially more aligned friendships will eventually form, though not always instantly.

The Value of Solitude

  • Spending time alone is beneficial and can lead to self-improvement.
  • Solitude allows for reflection and can help individuals become more selective in their relationships.
  • Being comfortable alone is compared to the ability to be selective in dating, avoiding relationships out of fear of loneliness.

"And I think getting comfortable with having space is a good thing."

The speaker suggests that embracing solitude can be positive, hinting at the personal growth and clarity that can come from time spent alone.

Relationship Dynamics and Growth

  • Growth and change in individuals can lead to changes in relationship dynamics.
  • People often resist change, especially if they are not growing in the same direction.
  • Relationships may end as individuals evolve and their values diverge, which is a natural process.

"And so a lot of ways are similar to dating with friends in that we can hold out and really just pick the best people."

The quote draws a parallel between selecting friends and dating partners, implying that it's important to choose relationships that align with personal growth and values.

Embracing Change and Potential

  • Realizing one's potential may require sacrificing certain relationships.
  • Growth involves change, and not everyone will be supportive of or understand that change.
  • It's important to recognize and accept the emotional journey that comes with evolving and potentially losing relationships.

"I would be far more sad that I had not realized my potential or what I hoped to accomplish in my life in exchange for relationships that I sacrificed my dreams in order to maintain."

This quote reflects the speaker's belief that personal growth and achieving one's potential are worth the potential loss of certain relationships.

Societal Expectations and Relationship Evolution

  • Societal norms or expectations can influence perceptions of relationship dynamics.
  • The evolution of relationships is part of life's journey, and it's important to be open to forming new connections.

"And so I think that there's this, I don't know, old wife's tale or a societal expectation."

The speaker alludes to societal pressures or myths regarding relationships, suggesting that there may be unfounded expectations about maintaining certain relationships despite personal growth.

Growth and Friendship Dynamics

  • Personal growth can lead to changes in friendships.
  • Friends who are not growing with you or pushing you to grow may not remain close in the long run.
  • The dynamic of friendships is influenced by the individual growth paths of the friends involved.

"Yes, we grow. And unless the friends you have are growing with you and are pushing you to grow, then they are probably not friends who will stay with you for the long haul."

This quote highlights the importance of having friends who are not only growing themselves but are also encouraging your growth. If this mutual growth is not present, the friendship may not endure.

The Qualities of True Friends

  • True friends root for you even when you're not present.
  • It is more common to find support from strangers online than from people known personally.
  • A shared past context can lead to discomfort from old friends due to diverging life paths.
  • The speaker values friends who can be critical to their face but supportive behind their back.
  • Friendships should be mutually beneficial, with both parties inspiring improvement in each other.
  • Friendships evolve, and the speaker's definition of friendship has changed over time.

"I want friends who root for me behind my back. And that is rare. Most people do not root for you behind your back. It is sad that there are more strangers on the Internet who root for me, right, than people who knew me from back home."

This quote emphasizes the speaker's desire for genuine support from friends, which is contrasted with the often superficial support received from acquaintances or strangers online.

The Evolution of Friendships

  • Friendships can change as people's lives and goals develop.
  • It is beneficial to have friends who are ahead in different aspects of life, as they can serve as role models.
  • The speaker aspires to have friends who challenge him to improve and vice versa.
  • The speaker acknowledges that his perspective on friendship may continue to evolve.

"But I hope to admire them. I want to strive to be more like my friends in certain ways, and I hope that they raise the bar for me to be better and be better in the ways that I want to be better."

This quote reflects the speaker's aspiration to have friendships that are based on mutual admiration and the desire to raise each other's standards of personal development.

  • It's acceptable to feel alone when friendships end or change.
  • The speaker encourages maintaining high standards for friendships.
  • Allowing space after losing a friend can lead to forming better, more supportive relationships.
  • It's important to give oneself permission to outgrow friendships and to still care for those individuals from a distance.

"And I can promise you that if you have a higher standard and you wait and you don't just give of yourself for no reason, just because you are afraid to be alone or be without friends, you will end up with better friends who actually root for you and are not just place fillers or false friends who smile to your face but stab you behind your back."

This quote advises that setting high standards for friendships and being patient can lead to more meaningful and supportive relationships, rather than settling for superficial or insincere friends.

Personal Growth as Success

  • The speaker defines success as the process of becoming and striving for personal growth.
  • The journey of personal development, despite its challenges, is valuable for the growth it brings.
  • The speaker expresses love and encouragement for his audience, reinforcing the value of perseverance on the path to personal growth.

"The road can be arduous, but I think the road itself is the reason we do it, because of the person that we hope to become, then the process of becoming, which is the success as I've defined it, is the process of becoming, and the process of striving is the success."

This quote encapsulates the speaker's philosophy that the journey and effort of personal growth are what constitute success, rather than a specific endpoint or achievement.

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