Why I Don't Go Home For The Holidays Ep 360



In this podcast, the host explores the concept of 'success equals ingrained intolerance,' sharing personal experiences to illustrate how growth often requires a departure from past identities and the expectations of others. The host emphasizes the importance of confronting and rejecting limiting labels and beliefs, particularly from family and old acquaintances, to avoid being confined to a version of oneself that no longer exists. The discussion extends to the entrepreneurial mindset, highlighting the necessity of belief in rapid growth and the power of self-narrative in achieving business success. The host also touches on the significance of maintaining a 'quiet space' free from external noise to foster personal and professional development. Throughout, the host encourages listeners to critically evaluate their beliefs, confront those that are unhelpful, and adopt a mindset that supports their ambitions.

Summary Notes

Personal Growth and Change

  • Speaker A discusses the importance of growth and how it has been key to their success.
  • They express a sense of disconnect when returning home for holidays due to others' unchanged perceptions.
  • Speaker A emphasizes the difference between entrepreneurs, who change and grow, and non-entrepreneurs, who often stay within their comfort zones.
  • There's an implication that personal development requires distancing oneself from those who resist or do not understand that growth.

"One of the reasons that I don't go home for the holidays is that a lot of people haven't grown since I left, right? They haven't had ten years of growth. They've lived the same six months, 20 times, right, since I was gone."

This quote highlights the speaker's perception that while they have experienced significant personal growth over the years, the people from their past have remained stagnant.

Battling Old Perceptions

  • Speaker A is confronted with outdated perceptions of themselves when visiting family.
  • They feel the need to assert their new identity and combat misconceptions.
  • The speaker illustrates the discomfort that arises from others trying to fit them into a past version of themselves.
  • There is a clear indication that Speaker A actively disputes these old perceptions to maintain their sense of self.

"But the reality is that most people don't change. Entrepreneurs do, because we have to, right? We call it growth instead of change."

This quote implies that entrepreneurs are unique in their need to evolve, which is framed not as mere change but as growth, setting them apart from others who may not have the same drive to transform.

The Challenge of Reconnecting with Family

  • Speaker A finds it challenging to interact with family members who hold onto the past.
  • They describe the need to be on guard against negative comments and labels.
  • The speaker's discomfort is evident in their description of the need to "wash" themselves of the negative perceptions post-visit.
  • Speaker A's strategy involves confronting these comments and reasserting their current identity.

"And so when I have these conversations, it's passing comments, it's little things because most people aren't confrontational."

This quote reveals that the speaker often faces subtle, non-confrontational remarks that still attempt to pigeonhole them into an outdated identity, necessitating vigilance and response.

Maintaining a New Identity

  • Speaker A emphasizes the importance of asserting and redefining their identity.
  • They discuss the process of "detangling" from old perceptions and reaffirming their chosen identity.
  • Speaker A finds the experience of visiting home regressive and misaligned with their goals and community values.
  • The speaker accepts that their path is unconventional and may not be well-received by "normal" people.

"I have to take like a week to detangle and then basically respake over the things that I am or that I choose to be."

This quote reflects the speaker's proactive approach to maintaining their identity, which involves both internal reflection and external assertion of their present self.

Ingrained Intolerance as a Success Factor

  • Speaker A suggests that success involves developing an intolerance for anything that hinders growth.
  • They describe becoming increasingly aware of and intolerant toward negative comments and tones, even from family.
  • Speaker A views teaching others how to treat them as a necessary part of maintaining their evolved identity.
  • The speaker acknowledges that this approach has led to a selective relationship with family, based on necessity rather than desire.

"And so the higher up we go in business, I think at least this is just my subjective understanding of how I'm perceiving it. As I go through it, the more intolerant we become of people who try, and it's even tones."

This quote suggests that as one ascends in their career or personal development, their tolerance for negative or disrespectful interactions diminishes, reflecting a heightened awareness of their own worth and how they expect to be treated.

Personal Growth and Relationships

  • Recognizing incompatible goals and values in relationships is crucial for personal growth.
  • It's important to be intolerant of negative influences to foster growth.
  • The speaker emphasizes the importance of maintaining a personal space free from others' judgments.
  • Vulnerability during the early stages of adopting new attributes is acknowledged.

"cal bond that I would ever see you again because you don't have the same goals, you don't have the same values, you don't want to do the things I want to do when we see each other. You make me feel worse. Why would I see you, right?"

This quote illustrates the speaker's realization that maintaining relationships with individuals who have divergent goals and values can be detrimental to one's well-being and growth.

"Being so intolerant of this stuff is so key to being able to grow."

The speaker suggests that intolerance towards negative or incompatible relationships is essential for personal development.

Self-Talk and Identity

  • The speaker discusses the power of self-talk and its impact on personal and business growth.
  • A conversation with a high-level entrepreneur highlights the importance of not speaking negatively about oneself.
  • Identity is presented as fluid and changeable, and self-talk can shape one's beliefs and abilities.

"I was talking to a high-level entrepreneur yesterday, right? And he's like, I'm just horrible at details. And I was like, don't speak that over yourself."

The speaker advises against negative self-talk, emphasizing that such statements can become self-fulfilling prophecies, especially in a business context.

"The identity is so fluid. We can change in an instant."

This quote emphasizes the speaker's belief in the malleability of identity and the potential for immediate change.

The Power of Belief and Change

  • The speaker references Tony Robbins and the concept of living in the present moment.
  • Past experiences are seen as stories that can either be embraced or ignored based on their positivity or negativity.
  • Questioning deeply held beliefs is encouraged as a way to uncover new possibilities.

"The only moment that we're actually able to live in is right now."

This quote reiterates the idea that the present is the only time we can truly experience and act upon, which is a foundational concept in personal development.

"We question all of our beliefs except for those that we truly believe and those we never question at all."

The speaker highlights the importance of examining even the most deeply held beliefs to foster growth and change.

Business Growth and Agility

  • The speaker's business transitioned from a "done for you" to a "done with you" model, leading to rapid growth in the fitness industry.
  • The speaker predicts significant business expansion based on past performance and future plans.
  • Speed and adaptability in business processes, such as onboarding, are discussed using an anecdote.

"If you look at our business, right, we pivoted from a done for you model to the done with you model that we have now in April of 2017."

The speaker provides an example of how a strategic pivot in business can lead to substantial growth within a relatively short period.

"How quickly are you able to achieve what you want to achieve? Is it supposed to take a year because you're choosing to believe that it's supposed to take a year?"

This quote challenges the listener to consider whether their beliefs about the time required to achieve goals are self-imposed limitations.

Necessity as a Catalyst for Breaking Beliefs

  • The speaker uses a story to illustrate how necessity can force individuals to surpass their perceived limitations.
  • Hiring a large number of employees in a short period is presented as an example of breaking through self-imposed barriers.

"He hired 30 people in 14 days because he had to, right. And so a lot of times, the necessity is one of the biggest things that allows us to break our beliefs because we have to, we have no other choice."

The quote demonstrates how urgent needs can push individuals or businesses to accomplish tasks that may have previously seemed impossible.

Community Engagement and Support

  • The speaker does not run ads or sell products on the podcast.
  • The audience is asked to support the podcast by spreading the word, leaving reviews, and sharing the content.
  • The aim is to assist more entrepreneurs in succeeding and improving their businesses and customer experiences.

"And so the only ask that I can ever have of you guys is that you help me spread the word so we can help more entrepreneurs make more money, feed their families, make better products, and have better experiences for their employees and customers."

The speaker requests audience engagement as a means to extend the podcast's reach and impact, emphasizing the communal benefits of such support.

Influence of Belief on Outcomes

  • The speaker emphasizes the power of belief in changing outcomes and influencing others.
  • The tonality and conviction behind words can affect the success rate of a pitch or sale.
  • Belief systems can shape the way we approach challenges and growth opportunities.

"The fact that it's just what you believe that changes the outcome and the influence on the other person, is so cool to me."

The quote highlights the speaker's fascination with how belief can alter not only personal outcomes but also influence other people's responses and actions.

Self-imposed Constraints for Growth

  • The speaker conducted an experiment where they gained muscle mass to demonstrate the power of self-imposed constraints.
  • By setting seemingly impossible goals, the speaker was able to push beyond normal limits and achieve rapid growth.

"I did this experiment three years ago where I put on, like, 35 pounds of muscle in six weeks... And I did that because of the confines that we put ourselves under."

The quote explains how the speaker's personal experiment with rapid muscle gain was a result of setting and adhering to challenging constraints.

Impact of Self-talk and External Opinions

  • The speaker reflects on the importance of being aware of the things we and others say about us.
  • Questioning the narratives we tell ourselves can lead to significant personal and business growth.

"Sometimes I wonder, what things are we allowing to be spoken over ourselves by others first, and then second, what things are we speaking over ourselves that we don't even know that we're doing?"

This quote points to the speaker's contemplation about the unconscious acceptance of others' words about us and our own internal dialogue, suggesting that both have profound effects on our growth.

Mindset Over Tactics

  • The speaker discusses helping Chris and Robin Barnett, who felt stuck in their business.
  • Instead of tactical business advice, the focus was on the beliefs and self-imposed narratives that were holding them back.
  • The speaker challenges the necessity of prolonged timelines and encourages immediate action based on desired outcomes.

"I didn't tell them a single tactical thing to do differently with their business... But what we identified was the things that they were speaking over themselves and the things that they were choosing to believe about how quickly things can happen."

The quote illustrates how the speaker guided the Barnetts not through specific business strategies but by addressing the limiting beliefs they had about their situation.

Belief in Possibilities as a Key to Success

  • The speaker has conversations with successful business people who are curious about the rapid growth of the speaker's business.
  • The underlying factor attributed to success is the choice to believe in what is possible.
  • High-level business individuals often focus on mindset rather than tactics, which the speaker has come to appreciate.

"We've really just chosen to believe it's possible... Because the reason that a lot of people aren't successful is because of the beliefs that they have."

This quote conveys the speaker's realization that the core reason behind success or failure is often rooted in an individual's belief system.

Maintaining a Clean Mental Space

  • Successful individuals keep a clean and quiet mental space to maintain focus and perspective.
  • This practice allows them to be vigilant about their environment and quickly address anything that could negatively impact them.

"The higher up you go, the cleaner people keep their space... it gives them such clean perspective and clean vision on what's going on."

The speaker notes that high achievers tend to maintain a clutter-free mental space, which contributes to their ability to have a clear understanding of their circumstances and challenges.

Business Simplification and Focus

  • Entrepreneurs often juggle multiple businesses or projects, leading to complexity and dissatisfaction.
  • Simplifying business operations and focusing on more profitable and enjoyable aspects can lead to growth.
  • Attention and resources are finite; directing them towards the most beneficial areas is crucial.

"You should probably just get rid of the thing that is a big headache for you and do the thing that you really like doing."

This quote emphasizes the advice to eliminate the less profitable and more troublesome business to focus on the one that is more enjoyable and has higher margins.

Unseen Beliefs and Self-Imposed Limitations

  • Entrepreneurs may not recognize their limiting beliefs, which can hinder growth.
  • Wisdom involves recognizing and understanding aspects of a situation that others may not see.
  • Limiting beliefs can act as "unseen chains" that entrepreneurs unknowingly use to restrict themselves.

"It's just the beliefs that we truly believe are the ones that we don't see, right?"

The quote points out that the most deeply held beliefs are often invisible to us, yet they significantly impact our actions and decisions.

The Role of Emotions in Decision-Making

  • Emotions greatly influence business decisions, often leading to illogical choices.
  • Entrepreneurs may need external perspectives to identify emotional biases affecting their business strategies.
  • Recognizing emotional decision-making can lead to more logical and effective business practices.

"We make decisions with emotions and we try and Logic it later."

This quote acknowledges that emotional decision-making is a common human behavior, and rationalization often occurs after the fact.

The Importance of External Perspectives

  • External advisors can provide clarity and perspective that entrepreneurs may lack.
  • Having someone point out the irrationality of certain decisions can lead to better business choices.
  • Sometimes the fear of short-term loss prevents long-term gains, and an outsider can help reassess priorities.

"Sometimes you just need someone on the outside."

The quote highlights the value of having an external viewpoint to help identify issues and solutions that may not be apparent from within the business.

Mindfulness and Positive Self-Talk

  • The language and tone used by others and ourselves can have a powerful impact on our mindset and actions.
  • Being mindful of negative speech and addressing it can foster a healthier environment and self-image.
  • Replacing negative beliefs with positive, growth-oriented ones is essential for personal and business development.

"Be mindful of the things that you're saying, and then ask yourself, like, does this belief serve me? And if it doesn't, get rid of it."

This quote advises individuals to be aware of their self-talk and to actively discard beliefs that are not beneficial to their growth.

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