Why Coaches Get So Much HATE Ep 226

Summary Notes


In this podcast, Speaker A discusses the significant impact of coaching and mentorship, highlighting a study shared by Dr. Kashi that found individuals with mentors achieved four times greater success than those without. Speaker A also explores the paradox of coaching, where despite proven benefits, coaches often face criticism. They delve into the psychology behind gratitude fading over time, as described in a book co-authored by Robert Chialdini, and the importance of timing when seeking testimonials or reciprocation of favors. Speaker D briefly promotes their book "100 million dollar offers" as a resource for listeners. Speaker A concludes by emphasizing the need for continuous innovation and providing value as a coach, as the perceived worth of past contributions diminishes over time.

Summary Notes

Importance of Coaching and Mentorship

  • Coaching significantly increases chances of success.
  • A mega meta-analysis showed that individuals with coaches or mentors were four times more successful than those without.
  • Professional athletes and Olympians utilize coaches, indicating the value of coaching at high levels of performance.
  • General skepticism exists around the value of coaching despite evidence of its effectiveness.
  • Personal experiences with coaches can influence one’s perception of the coaching industry.

"People who had mentors and coaches experienced four times greater success than the exact same person doing it on their own."

This quote highlights the core finding from a large-scale meta-analysis that indicates the effectiveness of coaching and mentorship in achieving success.

Public Perception and Skepticism of Coaches

  • Coaching is a controversial topic with varying opinions.
  • The success of coaches can lead to both positive and negative impressions among clients and the general public.
  • Negative impressions may arise from personal experiences or misunderstandings of the coaching process.
  • People often have conflicting feelings about coaches, which can lead to a general dislike.

"And the reason I wanted to talk about this is because I think it's a super important topic for a variety of reasons. One is, why is it important? But secondly, why do coaches get so much hate?"

Speaker A is addressing the dichotomy of coaching being important for success yet often receiving negative sentiment from the public, which they find perplexing given the demonstrated benefits of coaching.

The Influence of Time on Perception of Favors

  • The perception of a favor's value can diminish over time.
  • Immediately after receiving a favor, individuals tend to highly appreciate the person who helped them.
  • Over time, the perceived value of the favor decreases, which can affect relationships and opinions.
  • This concept is relevant to understanding the fluctuating perceptions of coaches and mentors.

"When doing a favor for someone, the perception of the favor and how important and how big it was actually correlates with time."

This quote explains a psychological observation that the appreciation of a favor is highest immediately after it is received and diminishes over time, which can be applied to understanding how perceptions of coaches may change after their services are rendered.

Perception of Favors Over Time

  • The perceived value of a favor declines for the recipient over time.
  • The favor doer's perception of the impact and effort of the favor increases over time.
  • The moment immediately after a favor is performed is when the recipient values it the most.
  • The favor doer initially may not view their action as significant.
  • Over time, the recipient might rationalize the favor as something they could have managed without help.
  • The favor doer's sense of their contribution may grow, leading to feelings of underappreciation.

"Then over time, it just continues to decline. Right? Over time, it continues to go down of what their perception of what your favor was and what it did for their lives."

This quote illustrates the diminishing appreciation the recipient of a favor has as time passes, highlighting the transient nature of perceived value.

"But if you revisit that same story six months later, the person who got the favor is like, I mean, I would have figured it out anyways. I'm a pretty smart guy."

The recipient's perspective changes over time, leading them to believe they would have overcome their challenges without the favor, indicating a shift towards self-reliance in their narrative.

"And then the person who did the favor is like, oh, my God, I saved this guy's life and he doesn't even. Blah, blah, blah, blah."

The favor doer's perception evolves to overestimate the significance of their help, often feeling unacknowledged for what they perceive as a life-altering contribution.

Psychological Bias in Favor Perception

  • There is a scientifically proven psychological bias regarding how favors are perceived by both the doer and the receiver.
  • The bias is a natural human tendency.
  • Acknowledging this bias can provide understanding and solace to those who feel underappreciated.

"But the point is that this is a psychological bias, and it's just real. It's just in people."

This quote confirms the existence of a psychological bias that affects how people perceive the favors they give or receive.

Strategic Timing for Reciprocity

  • The optimal time to seek a favor in return is immediately after performing a favor.
  • This timing leverages the peak of the recipient's perceived value of the initial favor.
  • Continual acts of favor can maintain a cycle of goodwill.

"If you do someone a favor, the time to ask for a favor in return is immediately, immediately after you've done the favor, because at that point is where they will believe what you did for them was of the most importance."

The quote suggests a strategy for when to request a reciprocal favor, capitalizing on the immediate high perceived value of the favor done.

Maintaining Goodwill Through Continuous Support

  • Goodwill can be visualized as a series of high points connected by actions of support.
  • Without ongoing support, the perceived value of past favors can diminish to nothing.
  • Continuous acts of favor create multiple opportunities for goodwill.

"And I think of it like a telephone wire. So if you guys are old school, I don't even know if, of course they think of some telephone or power lines where there's a pole and then it dips down and then there's another pole and then it dips down and then it's another pole."

This analogy describes the concept of maintaining goodwill through repeated favors as similar to the support poles holding up a telephone wire, suggesting that without support, the connection can fail.

Self-Promotion and Reciprocity

  • Self-promotion can be a form of favor to a community.
  • Significant effort in self-promotion is expected to generate goodwill and potential reciprocity.
  • The author promotes their book as a substantial contribution to the community.

"I have a book on Amazon. It's called 100 million dollar offers. At over 8005 star reviews, it has almost a perfect score."

The speaker is using the podcast platform to promote their book, which they consider a favor to the listeners due to the effort put into it.

"It's my very shameless way of trying to get you to like me more and ultimately make more dollars so that later on in your business career."

This quote reveals the speaker's intention behind the promotion, which is to increase their likability and to create a foundation for future business benefits, tying back to the concept of strategic timing for reciprocity.

Value and Perception of Information

  • Information, like business models or sales training, is highly valuable upon consumption but rapidly decreases in perceived value.
  • To maintain value, new information must be consistently provided to facilitate continuous growth.
  • Goodwill can be built over time, but people often focus on recent contributions rather than past ones.

"Is that information, although incredibly valuable upon consumption, immediately decreases in value, in perceived value to the person who consumed it."

This quote emphasizes the transient nature of information's value from the perspective of the consumer; once consumed, its value diminishes quickly.

"And so this is why if you are teaching people things, you need to consistently teach new things on a regular basis so that they can continue to grow."

The quote suggests that educators or information providers must continuously update and expand their content to keep it valuable and relevant for their audience.

Importance of Timing in Recognition

  • The best time to capture testimonials or recognition is immediately after the result is achieved.
  • Waiting to ask for recognition can lead to diminished enthusiasm and a reduced sense of the helper's contribution.
  • Immediate testimonials are more emotional and accurately reflect the value provided by the coach or service.

"And so if you want you help someone lose 25 pounds working with you, then get the testimonial at that time, right. At that moment."

This quote illustrates the importance of seizing the moment when the client's satisfaction is at its peak to obtain a testimonial that truly reflects their appreciation.

"Whereas if you've done it right, after they get off the scale and you tell them to come right in and then you do a great video, they'll have all the emotions, they'll just have gotten out of pain."

The quote highlights the emotional impact of capturing a testimonial right after a significant achievement, ensuring the emotions are fresh and the value of the service is vividly appreciated.

Acknowledgment and Respect for Past Contributions

  • Reflecting on past coaching can lead to an underestimation of the coach's impact, attributing success to personal qualities instead.
  • Recognizing and respecting those who have helped in the past is important and can be influenced by age, experience, or "scar tissue."
  • Giving respect to past contributors has become more prevalent in the speaker's life in recent years.

"And I think that I've experienced this myself with different coaches that I've had throughout my life, recognizing myself internally as, like, I look back on what they did and I think those same thoughts, which is like, I would have done it anyway. I'm a winner, winners win."

This quote reflects a common tendency to retrospectively undervalue a coach's impact, attributing success to one's own inherent qualities rather than the support received.

"But I think I have probably in the last year or two been much better about giving massive amounts of respect to the people who helped me out earlier on in my life."

The quote shows a personal evolution in the speaker's attitude towards acknowledging the role of coaches and mentors in their past successes, indicating a growth in gratitude and respect.

Acknowledgment of Influences

  • Acknowledging both positive and negative influences is important for personal growth.
  • Negative mentors can teach valuable lessons, such as what not to do.
  • Recognizing the influence of others helps maintain mental health and relationships.

in my book, which was released two years ago, a year and a half ago, whatever it is, I have acknowledgments in the back and I have all people who influenced me on that page, good and bad, because I still learned tremendous amounts from some of the people who were what I would consider maybe negative mentors, right.

This quote highlights the importance of recognizing all types of influences in one's life, as they can all contribute to learning and growth.

Adopting a Balanced Perspective

  • Tony Robbins emphasizes blaming influencers for both negative and positive traits.
  • A balanced perspective promotes mental health and prevents burning bridges.
  • Acknowledging both the good and bad influences can lead to resilience and perseverance.

And so I think Tony Robbins talks about this where he knows, blame them. You can't just blame your mom or your dad for the insecurities they gave you. Also blame them for your resilience. Blame them for your ability to persevere.

The speaker is conveying Tony Robbins' idea that one should attribute both their strengths and weaknesses to their influencers, recognizing the full scope of their impact.

Coaching and Cognitive Biases

  • Coaches should be aware of psychological biases that affect recognition of their contributions.
  • Immediate acknowledgment of a coach's impact helps solidify their value.
  • Consistent reinforcement of contributions prevents decline in recognition over time.

And then three, if you are the coach, if you recognize that this is going to be a cognitive bias, this is going to be a psychological bias that's innate in all humans, then you can adjust the way that you fulfill your business or you fulfill your coaching.

This quote underscores the need for coaches to understand and adapt to inherent psychological biases in order to effectively communicate their value to students or clients.

Continuous Innovation in Coaching

  • Coaches must innovate and solve new problems to remain valuable.
  • As students overcome challenges, they encounter new ones, requiring further guidance.
  • Continuous growth and provision of value are essential for coaches and entrepreneurs.

Because the good news for everyone is that every single student you ever have, as soon as you solve a problem, a new problem will be created from the gap that you just bridged, right?

The speaker is emphasizing that the process of coaching is ongoing, as solving one problem for a student inevitably leads to the emergence of a new challenge.

The Expiration of Value

  • The value provided by coaches and mentors has an expiration date.
  • Staying ahead of students' needs allows for the continuous building of "bridges" to overcome gaps in knowledge or skill.
  • Personal and professional growth is forced upon coaches as they strive to provide ongoing value.

Because the value that you provided has an expiration date.

This quote reflects the concept that the benefits of coaching are not indefinite and must be continually renewed through further effort and innovation.

Personal Reflection and Application

  • Connecting these concepts has been valuable and calming for the speaker.
  • The speaker encourages sharing these insights with coaches, mentors, and others in one's network.
  • The message is intended to be practical and beneficial for both personal and professional development.

For me, I think it was really once I kind of connected all those pieces together, it made a lot of sense in my own life for me as a student, but also for what I've experienced as a coach.

The speaker shares a personal reflection on how integrating these ideas has made a significant impact on their life and work, suggesting that others might benefit similarly.

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