When I Realized My Success Didn't Hurt My Competition Ep 253

Summary Notes


In a candid discussion about personal growth and competitive drive in business, the host reflects on his past experiences and conversations with Ed Turney and Bedros Keuilian. He shares his journey from harboring a chip on his shoulder and aiming to outdo his industry competitors to realizing that such a mindset only poisoned his own well-being. The host emphasizes the emptiness of achieving goals rooted in vengeance and the transformative power of letting go of animosity towards competitors. He advocates for collaboration and mutual growth, highlighting that success is not a zero-sum game and that one's achievements do not diminish another's. The host concludes by encouraging others to channel their drive positively and avoid negativity, as it ultimately harms personal and professional relationships.

Summary Notes

American Dream

  • The concept of the American Dream is a common aspiration.
  • People tend to support others in their pursuit of this dream until they surpass their own success.
  • The speaker experienced a shift in how people treated him as he became more successful.

"That everyone wishes for the american dream and roots for you, for the american dream until it comes true."

The quote encapsulates the idea that while people may initially be supportive of one's ambitions, their attitude can change once those ambitions are realized, particularly if it results in greater success than they have achieved.

Business Growth and Customer Perception

  • Growth in business can lead to a change in perception from customers and clients.
  • Success can create a divide between the business owner and their initial supporters.
  • The speaker observed a change in how clients treated him as his business grew and he was able to hire employees and step back from day-to-day operations.

"But as time went on and I started to be able to hire people and we started making more money, and eventually I didn't have to work in the business, they're like, oh, you're too good for us now? Like, oh, a big businessman, right?"

This quote illustrates the shift in customer relationships and perceptions that can occur when a business owner's role evolves due to the growth of their business.

Personal Transformation and Goals

  • Personal growth and evolution are part of the entrepreneurial journey.
  • The speaker had a background in creative writing, which influenced his introspection and goal-setting.
  • Setting increasingly higher goals can be a way to maintain motivation and drive.
  • The speaker had a personal goal to surpass a competitor in the gym space.

"And for me, I definitely was an angrier person, or maybe I'm just better at hiding it now. I have no idea. But I was definitely angrier about stuff. And I set this goal that I was going to beat Bedros."

This quote reflects the speaker's personal transformation and the aggressive goals he set for himself, which were fueled by a competitive spirit and a desire to excel in his industry.

Competition and Industry Success

  • The speaker aimed to surpass a prominent figure in the gym industry, Bedros Coolian.
  • The speaker's coaching program grew to potentially surpass that of Bedros Coolian's.
  • Competition and rivalry can be drivers for achieving success in business.

"And the reality is, as time went on and Jim lynch grew and we grew and grew and grew, and I don't know what his numbers are, but I'm fairly certain that our coaching program is and has been bigger than his in this space, at least for a while."

This quote demonstrates the speaker's belief that his business had grown to a point where it rivaled or exceeded the success of his competitor's business, showcasing the impact of setting ambitious goals and the competitive nature of business growth.

Personal Realizations and Growth

  • Speaker A reflects on a moment of realization about the futility of holding a vendetta against a successful competitor.
  • Recognizes that personal success does not necessarily impact others, especially those who are already successful.
  • Emphasizes the negative personal impact of harboring resentment and the importance of moving past it.
  • Discusses the duality of having a "chip on your shoulder" as both a driving force and a source of unhappiness.

"But secondly, I felt and realized that he was completely unaffected. He was still incredibly wealthy, he had other entrepreneurial endeavors he was pursuing, and my success in no way affected his life."

This quote highlights Speaker A's epiphany that their own success or failure does not significantly affect a competitor who is already successful and diversified in their pursuits.

"And all this vengeance, this vendetta that I had, the only person it poisoned was me."

Speaker A acknowledges that the vendetta they held was self-destructive and did not impact the person it was directed towards.

The Role of Competition in Personal Drive

  • Speaker A compares their experience to Michael Jordan's, who fabricated personal slights to fuel his competitive drive.
  • Acknowledges that while competition can be a motivator, it may not contribute to personal happiness.

"If you guys have seen the Jordan documentary, he talks about how he used to make things up that other people would say about him that they never actually said."

This quote refers to a strategy used by Michael Jordan to motivate himself, which Speaker A relates to their own experience with competition.

Business Growth and Collaboration

  • Speaker C offers assistance to business owners looking to grow their businesses significantly.
  • The message is an invitation for business owners to seek help from their team to achieve their financial goals.

"Mosey Nation, real quick, if you are a business owner that has a big old business and wants to get to a much bigger business, going to 5100 million dollars plus, we would love to talk to you."

Speaker C is reaching out to business owners with the promise of helping them scale their businesses to higher revenue milestones.

Shift in Perspective on Competition and Industry

  • Speaker A describes a transformative change in their approach to competitors and the industry after realizing the independence of their success.
  • They began to offer help to others in their industry, understanding that success is not a zero-sum game.
  • The shift in perspective led to an improvement in mental well-being.

"But I can tell you that seeing my success not in any way impact someone else's success really radically transformed my feelings about competitors, about the space, about the industry, about other coaches in general..."

Speaker A explains how the realization that their success did not diminish others' led to a more collaborative and less competitive outlook on their industry.

Mental Wellbeing and Competitive Strategy

  • Speaker A advocates for maintaining motivation and hunger for success without resorting to harmful strategies.
  • Emphasizes the importance of mental well-being over malicious competition.
  • Suggests that helping others can coexist with personal growth and does not detract from one's own success.

"And so I guess there's two sides to this message that you can take. One is, if you were the lion climbing up the mountain, by all means, stay hungry as hell. Do whatever it takes for you to stay motivated."

This quote advises maintaining ambition and drive, but without engaging in destructive behavior towards others.

"But I would say, don't do anything stupid. Don't say anything. Don't take massive, malicious attacks."

Speaker A warns against taking harmful actions in the pursuit of success, highlighting the importance of ethical behavior in competition.

Professional Reputation and Networking

  • Burning bridges in the professional space can damage one's reputation.
  • Negative actions toward others can lead to a loss of potential business opportunities.
  • People in the industry talk, and negative opinions can spread, influencing others' decisions.
  • It is advised to use anger as motivation rather than a tool for attack.
  • Maintaining a positive tone when speaking about others can prevent negative associations with oneself.

"And what ends up happening is that you just kind of burn your reputation, and what's going to happen is somebody who's taken a massive swipe at me, they're going to want to do a deal with someone else, and that guy's going to call me and he's going to be like, what do you think about this guy?"

This quote highlights the interconnectedness of the professional world and how one's actions can have long-term consequences on their reputation and business dealings.

"I don't touch people like that with a ten foot pole, but do what you want."

This statement emphasizes the speaker's personal policy of avoiding business with individuals who have shown themselves to be volatile or negative, suggesting that others might also take this approach.

"And usually when people hear that from someone that they think is less volatile, they will usually heed that advice."

The speaker suggests that advice from a perceived stable source is often taken seriously, which can affect the prospects of those who have acted negatively in the past.

Impact of Negative Behavior on Self

  • Negative behavior towards others often harms the person exhibiting the behavior more than the target.
  • Success does not inherently harm others, and aggressive competition is unnecessary.
  • Collaborative efforts and sharing best practices can be more profitable than rivalry.
  • Negative emotions and actions can adversely affect one's own mental well-being.

"And that may or may not have been as a result of me. But the point is that I think that that anger, use it to fuel yourself, but don't use it to attack it."

This quote advises against using anger as a means to attack others and suggests channeling it into self-motivation instead.

"You're not going to hurt anyone by your success."

The speaker reassures that achieving success does not harm others, countering the often competitive nature of business.

"I can promise you, you would make so much more money if you guys just talked and shared best practices, because there's so few markets where it's actually winner take all."

Here, the speaker advocates for collaboration over competition, asserting that most markets are not zero-sum games and that mutual success is possible.

Emotional Intelligence and Persuasion

  • Speaking negatively about others can lead to people associating the negativity with the speaker.
  • It is important to be aware of how one's words make others feel.
  • Early lessons from persuasion books have guided the speaker's approach to communication.
  • Managing one's emotional expression is crucial in maintaining positive relationships.

"And so if you're always talking negatively in general about other people, people will not remember who you are talking about, but they will remember how you made them feel, and they will associate the negativity with you."

This quote underscores the lasting impact of emotional responses over specific details, highlighting the importance of maintaining a positive demeanor when discussing others.

"And so that's something that I learned early on in some of the persuasion books."

The speaker references lessons from persuasion literature that have informed their understanding of the influence of emotional expression in communication.

"It's hard for me, especially because I was so angrier when I was younger, to not do that, right?"

The speaker reflects on personal growth and the challenge of changing natural inclinations, such as anger, to better navigate professional and personal interactions.

Abundance Mindset in Business

  • The speaker emphasizes that the business world is not a zero-sum game.
  • There is a vast amount of demand for various services and solutions.
  • Different customers prefer different approaches to solving the same problem.
  • Businesses can thrive without directly competing with each other.
  • Companies can coexist by targeting different segments of the market with unique branding and messaging.

"The reality is that most businesses can't even handle the amount of demand that there is for the service and the solution that they have or the problem that they solve."

This quote highlights the speaker's perspective that the market has ample demand for businesses, suggesting that the fear of competition is often exaggerated.

"There's just certain people who are attracted to that type of messaging."

The speaker notes that different businesses attract different types of customers based on their unique messaging, implying that there is diversity in consumer preferences.

"It's so much bigger than everyone gives it credit for."

The speaker is emphasizing the vastness of the market and the potential for businesses to find their niche without having to engage in direct competition.

Collaboration Among Competitors

  • The speaker describes a healthy business ecosystem where competitors can coexist and even support each other.
  • Successful businesses often network and share insights rather than engaging in hostility.
  • The speaker advocates for a collaborative approach, where recommending a competitor can be beneficial.
  • Animosity is discouraged, and businesses should focus on their strengths and unique selling points.

"The only person you hurt when you spit hate is yourself."

This quote suggests that negative attitudes towards competitors can be self-damaging and counterproductive to long-term success.

"There's no animosity. I'm friends with a lot of people who are in the gym space who serve gym owners."

The speaker is illustrating the possibility of maintaining friendly relationships with competitors, which can lead to a supportive business network.

Leveraging Emotions for Success

  • The speaker encourages using emotions, such as anger, as motivation rather than as a means to disparage others.
  • Negative emotions should be channeled into positive actions that contribute to personal and business growth.
  • The speaker stresses the importance of focusing on one's well-being and long-term success rather than on short-term grievances.

"If you are angry or you have this anger inside of yourself, I 100% get you. I feel you. But I would just say, try and use it to spur yourself on."

The quote conveys empathy for those who feel anger and suggests converting that emotion into a driving force for self-improvement.

"Do not use it to throw shade because it will not benefit your well being and it won't benefit your long term success."

The speaker is advising against using anger to criticize others, as it is detrimental to one's health and future achievements.

Engaging with the Audience

  • The speaker concludes by inviting the audience to interact with the content through likes, comments, or silent listening.
  • Expresses a desire for the audience to find value in the message shared.
  • Wishes the audience a good day and signs off, indicating the end of the podcast episode.

"If you did leave a like or a comment or review or just listen solemnly."

This quote is a call to action for audience engagement, offering various ways for listeners to respond to the podcast.

"Hope you have an awesome day and a happy Saturday, and I'll catch you guys soon. Bye."

The speaker ends on a positive note, expressing well-wishes to the audience and indicating the end of the episode.

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