In a candid discourse, the host shares personal anecdotes highlighting the power of empathy and understanding to overcome anger and betrayal. He recounts a youthful heartbreak and the resulting rage, which led him to a pivotal realization about the nature of ego and the need for forgiveness. This epiphany, inspired by Pascal's wisdom, enabled him to craft a narrative from his ex-best friend's perspective, ultimately finding peace. The host applies this lesson to various life scenarios, including a dismissive encounter at the gym and professional criticism, emphasizing that by seeking to understand others' motivations and backgrounds, one can replace anger with empathy, avoid unnecessary conflict, and maintain integrity. He concludes by encouraging listeners to practice understanding and forgiveness in their daily lives for a more harmonious existence.
Everyone, good morning. Happy Friday. As my team says, happy Saturday, junior. If you're wondering where my mustache is, I'm letting it recharge before the event that's coming up for our gym lord summit.
This quote sets the scene and introduces the speaker's casual, friendly tone, indicating a personal sharing session rather than a formal presentation.
And my best friend had been hanging out with us all the time. And as you might imagine, they ended up getting together afterwards.
This quote explains the source of the betrayal—Speaker A's best friend became romantically involved with Speaker A's ex-girlfriend, leading to the emotional turmoil discussed.
And the first thing that flares up if you ever have anything that comes at you is your ego, right? And that's rage. It's pride, right?
This quote highlights the speaker's realization that ego is at the core of the anger and pride felt during the betrayal, suggesting that recognizing this is a step towards overcoming such feelings.
And I was googling how to forgive people. I couldn't sleep. I was, like, googling it, right? And I came on this quote, which is in the post, it's, to understand is to forgive.
The quote from Pascal that Speaker A found during a sleepless night became a pivotal moment in the journey towards forgiveness, emphasizing the importance of understanding in the process.
So I actually wrote a love story from the perspective of my ex best friend and his now relationship with my ex girlfriend.
By writing a love story from the perspective of the person who betrayed him, Speaker A engaged in an act of empathy, attempting to understand the emotions and circumstances from the other person's viewpoint.
And I'm so thankful that it happened because the first thing that flares up if you ever have anything that comes at you is your ego, right?
This quote reflects on the entire experience, with Speaker A acknowledging the value of the difficult situation in teaching important life lessons about ego and forgiveness.
I used to be a little bit more literate than I am now. But anyway, I wrote this story, and finally, after finishing it, I was able to sleep because I felt like I understood.
This quote shows the speaker's past engagement with literature and how writing helped them process and understand emotions, leading to a sense of resolution.
And so I tell you that story because I had a couple of things. One really easy thing that you can apply it to, and then one bigger thing.
The speaker introduces the rationale behind sharing their story, indicating that it serves as a prelude to two lessons: one simple and one more significant.
So the bigger thing is that I had a franchise, Zor, I think, make some skating video about us.
The speaker sets the stage for the more significant lesson by mentioning a negative incident involving their franchise and a disparaging video.
And the thing is, the more times you go up rage Mountain, the faster you recognize it and the faster you can come back down and then kind of appreciate it.
The "rage Mountain" metaphor is used to explain the process of becoming familiar with anger and learning to quickly overcome it.
What would cause that person? What upbringing, what relationships, what deficiencies and insecurities, what holes we're trying to fill would create the necessity to act in this way, right?
The speaker delves into the reasons behind someone's negative actions, suggesting that understanding these can lead to empathy.
And then what happens is you start to really uncover the fact that somebody might be just not whole, you know what I mean? Or have significant deficits in their life and the love that they might have received from even their wife, their significant others, their parents, whatever, the people who formed them that created these holes.
This quote reflects on the potential emotional and psychological deficiencies in a person's life that could lead to their negative behaviors.
And sometimes ultra successful people have massive holes that they're trying to fill, right?
The speaker acknowledges that success does not equate to emotional fulfillment and that successful people can also have significant emotional gaps.
And so I try and think about that, and then what happens is I get this overwhelming amount of empathy and sadness for that person, and then my anger disappears.
The speaker describes how empathy replaces anger once they consider the underlying factors affecting a person's behavior.
And the other day I was at the gym and I was doing leg presses, and I put bands on my leg presses so that it's harder at the top and easier at the bottom.
The speaker begins a new anecdote, detailing their workout routine to illustrate a point about the application of empathy in everyday situations.
And this personal trainer comes up to me, and I'm like, headphones on, just, like, panting between my sets.
The speaker sets the scene at the gym, emphasizing their focus on the workout when approached by the personal trainer.
And he's one of the guys who wants to talk about angles of rotation and 13 degrees and your pelvis has changed by blah blah blah, right?
The speaker conveys the personal trainer's approach and focus on technical details, which contrasts with the speaker's own approach to the workout.
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Speaker B cuts in, signaling a shift in the conversation and possibly introducing new content or a promotional message for new listeners.
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This quote explains the book's success and the effort put into it by Speaker B, highlighting its value to the community and the potential for future collaborations.
And he was, man, you know, you can fool around with your bands as much as you want, but if you really want to work the bottom of the movement, just take them off and then really just do a weight that you can do there. And so I took a deep breath and I was like, thanks for that advice, man. Have a great day.
Speaker A recounts the trainer's advice and his own response, which was to maintain composure and civility despite feeling the urge to argue.
And so I thought to myself, like, this might have been a moment where he was able to feel really significant and he was able to gain a lot from this interaction.
Speaker A reflects on the emotional needs of the trainer and the positive impact that the interaction may have had on him, leading to a decision to act with empathy.
But then I'm the type of person who does that. And then I also have to think like, okay, well then how's this going to affect him, right?
Speaker A contemplates the consequences of a confrontational response on both his self-image and the trainer's well-being, considering the broader implications of his potential actions.
Who needs this more? Who needs the interaction more? And so I thought about it, and I was like, he needed that interaction.
Speaker A concludes that the trainer needed the positive interaction more than Speaker A needed to correct him, demonstrating a mindful and compassionate approach to the situation.
And so I'm glad that it was me that he was able to say that to, rather than someone who might lash out and then otherwise embarrass him in front of his client.
Speaker A expresses relief that he was the recipient of the advice rather than someone else who might have reacted negatively, potentially causing embarrassment to the trainer.
Maybe somebody corrects you at the gym. I have this beautiful speech that I've already pre-recorded in my head of exactly what I would tell them, which I did.
Speaker A reveals that while he has thought about what to say in confrontational scenarios, he opts for a more thoughtful and empathetic approach instead of using his prepared retort.
"But anyways, I don't know if this applies to anyone, but I think if you're ever super angry or get super raged up, I try and think, like, how can I understand this person? Because I don't think most people have an intention that's evil."
This quote emphasizes the speaker's strategy for coping with anger by seeking to understand the other person's perspective, suggesting that most people do not act with malicious intent.
"And maybe sometimes if you slow down for a second and think, like, I wonder what created that action, what created that person? You end up feeling a lot better about it, and you don't feel this need to lash back out."
The speaker suggests that by taking a moment to reflect on what might have led to a person's actions, one can reduce their own negative emotional response and the desire for retaliation.
"And then it kind of turns into this weird gratitude of, like, I'm glad I got to be me instead of someone who might have hurt that guy."
Reflecting on the situation can lead to a sense of gratitude for one's own circumstances and character, rather than feeling victimized or wronged.
"So there's another part of you that's like, how come I'm doing this? Why do I deserve this? Why did someone lash out at me?"
The speaker acknowledges the natural tendency to question why one is the recipient of negative actions or comments.
"What self centeredness. To think that we, like, come on, Jesus. Right? So whether you're a believer or not, most people can agree that he was a really good guy, right?"
The speaker points out the self-centered nature of feeling singled out for suffering, using the example of Jesus—who is widely regarded as virtuous—facing extreme adversity.
"And so I think what we need to look at is also, like, what type of person is standing against you? And think, is that the right type of person?"
This quote encourages self-reflection on the character of opponents to gauge whether their opposition is worth considering for personal growth or reflection.
"If I have all these people who are really godly, at least in my own perception of how I see things, people who have great morals are standing against me, then I might think I might have to take a look at. I need to check myself."
The speaker suggests that if morally upright individuals oppose you, it may be a signal to reevaluate your actions or beliefs.
"But on the flip side, if I have a whole bunch of people who have horrible reputations about being liars and cheats and totally mistreating their customers and things like that who stand against me, I'm cool with that."
Conversely, if those with poor reputations oppose you, it may affirm that you are on a path they disagree with due to their own questionable ethics.
"Maybe don't elbow jab somebody in the throat for cutting you off in traffic and taking a couple of breaths and seek to understand it, and then you can forgive."
The speaker advocates for restraint and understanding in situations that could provoke anger, suggesting that forgiveness can follow understanding.
"Anyways, lots of love, guys, and I'll talk to you soon, all right?"
The speaker closes with an expression of affection and well-wishing, reinforcing the overall message of positivity and understanding.