The Power of Committing Time to Growth (with Danny Miranda) Pt.1 July ‘23 Ep 610

In a candid conversation, Alex Hormozi and Danny discuss the psychological and entrepreneurial insights gained from personal experiences and professional endeavors. Alex shares a transformative college assignment that led to a profound understanding of his mother's struggles, reshaping his perception of her and their relationship. This realization underpins Hormozi's philosophy that empathizing with others' experiences can dissolve anger and resentment. He extends this principle to business, emphasizing the importance of patience, learning from mistakes, and adjusting expectations to reality. Hormozi also reflects on the immense effort required to achieve excellence, whether in crafting a book or growing a business, underscoring the value of long-term commitment and consistent, focused work. Danny resonates with Alex's approach to meeting challenges with understanding and persistence, highlighting the importance of these attitudes in personal growth and success.

• Alex Hormosi speaks about the realization of his mother's struggles and how it changed his perspective.
• The assignment from his psychology course led him to understand his mother's experiences as an immigrant and a professional.
• Understanding someone's past and pressures can lead to empathy and forgiveness.
• Alex references Blaise Pascal's quote, "To understand is to forgive," highlighting the connection between understanding and the inability to hold onto anger.
• The exercise of writing from another person's perspective helped Alex resolve a decade of anger towards his mother.
• Realizing that personal issues are not always the fault of the individual can lead to forgiveness and improved relationships.

"And what happened through the course of going through that assignment was not what I expected, because as I went through and I picked my mother, and she's been public about suffering from depression and add and things like that, that I picked that."

This quote explains that Alex's choice of his mother for the psychology assignment led to unexpected personal growth and understanding of her challenges.

"And so if I am very angry with someone, it's become a check for me where I'm like, oh, I must not understand something."

Alex uses his anger as a cue to realize that there is a lack of understanding, which he then seeks to resolve.

• Alex Hormosi uses narrative writing as a tool to empathize with others and understand their actions.
• By imagining the life experiences of others, he is able to see the reasons behind their behavior.
• This method has helped him deal with feelings of anger and betrayal throughout his life.
• Understanding the root causes of someone's actions can remove emotional triggers and lead to peaceful resolutions.

"But when I started writing narratives around how someone experienced life that would make it reasonable that they would act or behave or believe what they believe, all of a sudden, I felt like I understood."

Alex's approach to writing narratives from other people's perspectives aids in his understanding and resolution of anger.

• A significant moment between Alex and his mother demonstrates the power of understanding and emotional detachment.
• Alex's lack of an emotional response to a fight with his mother signals a shift in their relationship.
• By expressing understanding and apology, he was able to alleviate a long-standing tension.
• This experience illustrates the impact of empathy on personal relationships and conflict resolution.

"And so I just remember looking at her and being like, I understand, and I'm sorry."

Alex's statement to his mother during an argument shows his new perspective and the emotional detachment that allowed for reconciliation.

• Danny notes that Alex's approach mirrors how his wife responds to anger with love, and how this can change the dynamics of fear and conflict.
• Alex discusses the difficulty of stepping out of emotion in the moment and using it as an opportunity to seek understanding rather than confrontation.
• This approach to human interactions emphasizes the importance of perspective in resolving conflicts.

"It's really interesting that your normal reaction to her wasn't the same, and thus her reaction was different to you breaking down, because it almost reminds me of how Layla, your wife, sometimes acts when you get angry."

Danny draws a parallel between Alex's experience with his mother and how Alex's wife responds to his anger, highlighting the power of love and understanding in changing emotional responses.

• Alex Hormosi shares frameworks for reducing the emotional stakes of situations and managing expectations.
• By zooming out and considering the insignificance of problems on a cosmic scale, one can gain perspective.
• Reflecting on the transient nature of problems can help minimize their impact.
• The concept of the "veteran's frame" involves adjusting expectations to reduce disappointment.
• Acceptance and reframing situations as neutral rather than problematic can alleviate stress.
• The idea that short-term problems can be long-term benefits is discussed with the analogy of the boy and the horse.
• Alex challenges the notion of labeling situations as good or bad, suggesting that acceptance of events as they are is more productive.

"And so a lot of the angst that we experience of the anxiety, the sadness, the anger, whatever it is, it comes from the fact that our expectations are unmet."

Alex highlights how unmet expectations are the root of negative emotions, suggesting that adjusting expectations is key to emotional management.

"And so I think that that is one where you surrender to reality through acceptance. And you say, like, this is period. And it's not good or bad."

This quote emphasizes the importance of accepting reality without labeling situations as good or bad to maintain emotional equilibrium.

• Alex Hormosi discusses the importance of accepting situations as they are.
• He talks about the psychological benefits of not insisting on having things one's own way.
• Understanding that circumstances may not initially seem favorable but could lead to positive outcomes is key.
• The concept of "surrender to the moment" is highlighted as a strategy to reduce negative emotional responses.

"And I think getting used to not getting my way, comma, and saying that that's okay has been one of the big psychological hacks that I've had in my life that have decreased my anxiety levels and my anger levels around responding to stimuli that I wouldn't, at the onset say was what I wanted, because I might not know."

This quote explains how adjusting expectations and accepting outcomes, whether they align with personal desires or not, can significantly reduce anxiety and anger.

• Alex Hormosi emphasizes the importance of perseverance and doing more repetitions to achieve success.
• The story of distributing flyers for his gym is used to illustrate the necessity of high volume and consistent effort.
• Hormosi's mentor highlights the inadequacy of small sample sizes when testing marketing strategies.
• The difference between early-stage efforts and the volume needed for success is underscored.

"I might have been doing the right thing, but I was not doing nearly enough of it."

This quote captures the essence of the lesson learned from the flyer distribution story, which is that correct actions must be taken at a sufficient scale to yield results.

• Alex Hormosi relates a conversation with a successful friend about the volume of content needed to build a personal brand.
• He shares insights into the vast difference in effort between what is typically done and what is required for exceptional success.
• The story serves as a metaphor for the level of effort needed in various endeavors, such as product iteration or video editing.
• Hormosi stresses that exceptional work requires significant time and effort, often much more than what is commonly expected.

"It's the high fruit that take the ladder, that take the climbing, that take getting cut by thistles and leaves and whatever, that's still there for the picking."

This quote metaphorically describes the effort required to achieve the most rewarding successes, which are often the most challenging to attain.

• Alex Hormosi explains his process for deciding when his work, such as a book, is ready for release.
• He describes a rigorous editing process where he continually asks what could be improved until he can think of nothing else.
• The difference between merely good and truly world-class work is attributed to the amount of effort invested in the front end.
• Hormosi provides an example of the meticulous effort he put into his book, spending thousands of hours on it to ensure exceptional quality.

"Because at that point, there was nothing else that I could think of that I could do to improve it."

This quote reveals Hormosi's criterion for considering his work complete: the inability to find any further improvements after extensive effort.

• Alex Hormosi reflects on how his standard for what constitutes excellent work has risen over time.
• He attributes this to a positive reinforcement loop where past successes inspire greater effort and higher expectations.
• The conversation touches on the idea that as one's skills and experiences grow, so does the understanding of what can be achieved.

"The more you do, the more you realize you can do."

This quote succinctly captures the concept that experience and practice expand one's perception of their capabilities, leading to higher standards for their work.

• Alex Hormosi has observed that increased obsession with tasks leads to more positive feedback over a longer time horizon.
• He spent two years writing and editing a book, acknowledging the risk of it potentially flopping.
• Alex believes that the ability to wait for long-term rewards is a skill that develops over time.
• He contrasts his current ability to wait with his inability to do so ten years ago.
• The marshmallow test is discussed as an analogy for impulse control and long-term thinking.
• Alex suggests an extension to the marshmallow test to explore longer wait times for rewards.

"I spent two years writing and editing this book. Years. And it could also flop, right? It could. You never know. It could flop."

This quote highlights the risk and commitment involved in long-term projects, like writing a book, and the reality that outcomes are uncertain despite the effort invested.

"I would love, like, a third test of this, and maybe somebody can send it to me if they've done this, but it's how long can you make the kid wait for the marshmallow?"

Alex is curious about extending the marshmallow test to longer durations to better understand long-term thinking and impulse control in individuals.

• Long-term thinking is a skill that can be developed over time.
• Patience is an active state; it involves engaging in other activities while waiting for a long-term goal.
• Experts break down long projects into manageable chunks and create ways to win in the meantime.
• Alex used the process of writing his book to illustrate how he achieved mini victories along the way.
• Planning and allowing time for creative solutions to emerge are crucial for successful project outcomes.
• Alex emphasizes the importance of confronting the work required to achieve significant outcomes.

"You have to figure out what to do in the meantime. Like, patience isn't actually active."

Patience is redefined by Alex as an active process where one engages in other productive activities while awaiting a long-term goal.

"They don't try and think, I'm going to run 26 miles if they're running the marathon. They say, how do I break this into a chunk that I can manage?"

Breaking down large goals into smaller, manageable chunks is a strategy used by experts to maintain focus and achieve success in long-term projects.

• High levels of effort may be required to achieve only marginal gains in high-performance areas.
• There is a diminishing return on results as effort increases, but small improvements can have an outsized return.
• Alex aspires to write business books that will be considered essential reading, recognizing the extensive effort required to achieve that level of quality.
• He discusses the importance of confronting the work directly and reducing the delay between recognizing a need and taking action.
• Proficiency in any skill can be achieved with concentrated effort, and Alex has reduced his delay in starting new tasks over time.

"Great triumph takes great sacrifice, just is what it is."

This quote encapsulates the idea that significant achievements require substantial effort and sacrifice.

"You'd be amazed at how much progress you can make if you cut down the time between when you acknowledge the work and when you start doing the work."

Alex stresses the importance of promptly starting work once it is recognized as necessary, which leads to faster proficiency and greater long-term success.

• Work is an equalizer that does not discriminate based on personal characteristics.
• Alex believes that the work itself is indifferent to who performs it; it simply needs to be done.
• He argues that many people waste time by not starting the work required for their goals.
• The concept of becoming proficient with 20 hours of concentrated effort is discussed, and Alex notes that the delay in starting is often the biggest barrier to progress.

"The work needs doing. It's just like, there's no way around it. It just has to be confronted."

This quote emphasizes the necessity of confronting work head-on, without excuses or delays, as a fundamental step toward achieving goals.

• Alex believes that feedback is essential for improving one's work and gaining proficiency.
• He points out that simply doing work without learning or improving from feedback does not lead to progress.
• The importance of acquiring skills through practice and feedback is highlighted, rather than relying on the output itself to be successful.
• Alex discusses the nuance of advice and the importance of understanding the underlying skills behind successful outputs.

"The work needs feedback. So you gain proficiency with expert eyes, giving you feedback on the work you do."

Feedback is crucial for improving work and moving towards proficiency, as it provides guidance on how to refine and enhance one's efforts.

• Emphasizing the importance of not just repeating tasks but improving with each repetition.
• The necessity of self-reflection and external feedback to enhance performance.
• The concept that work shapes the individual more than the individual shapes the work.
• The value of skills development over merely completing tasks.

"I want you to do 100 reps every day. I don't want you to do the same 100 reps every day. I want you to get better with all the reps. And if you haven't looked at the end of the day and said, what could I do better? How could I improve? And if you don't have somebody on the outside eyes being like, hey, you stumbled here on this call, or, hey, when they said this, let's drill this, let's do this a couple of times, that's how you get better, right?"

This quote highlights the importance of self-improvement and learning from each experience, not just going through the motions. It also underscores the value of constructive criticism from external observers to identify areas of improvement.

• Discusses the impact of extensive sales experience on communication skills.
• Differentiates between skills used in sales and those used in content creation.
• Highlights the rapid feedback cycles in content creation as a learning advantage.

"I've closed over 4000 [sales calls]." "I don't think that the sales skill that I had necessarily translated into the content skill."

These quotes illustrate the speaker's vast experience in sales and acknowledge that skills from one domain (sales) do not always directly translate to another (content creation), indicating the need for dedicated practice in each area.

• The importance of focusing on progress rather than immediate outcomes.
• Committing to a long-term vision and consistent improvement.
• The speaker's personal experience with podcast growth as an example of long-term commitment to progress.

"I have six years of podcasts... I made a podcast for four years and didn't grow... Then I started trying to learn it and trying to get better."

This quote reflects the speaker's journey of commitment to a podcast for years without significant growth, followed by a decision to actively seek improvement, demonstrating the value of persistence and the pursuit of progress.

• Advocates for education to focus on teaching meta skills that facilitate learning other skills.
• The idea of being adaptable in acquiring knowledge.
• The potential of meta skills to improve various aspects of communication.

"I think there are skills and there are meta skills. So meta skills are skills that help you learn skills... the education system should only be on metaskills so that you become like a stem cell for knowledge."

The quote emphasizes the distinction between specific skills and meta skills, which are foundational abilities that enable the learning of multiple other skills, suggesting that education should prioritize teaching these meta skills.

• Encourages repeating successful actions and seeking feedback from more experienced individuals.
• Advises on measuring inputs quickly but allowing more time to see the outcomes of those inputs.
• Stresses the importance of focusing on making progress rather than optimizing for outcomes.

"Repeat successful actions. Get feedback from people who are further ahead than you... measure what you do today faster, but measure what happens from what you did today longer."

This quote provides a concise strategy for skill acquisition and achieving long-term success, emphasizing the importance of quick feedback on actions and patience in awaiting results.

• Reflects on the speaker's past jobs and their lack of direct impact on current skills.
• The concept of being "reinforced" for certain behaviors as a precursor to entrepreneurship.
• Rejects the notion of a "born entrepreneur" and focuses on learned behaviors and reinforcement.

"I reject the concept of being a born entrepreneur. I think that we get better at things that we are reinforced for doing, period."

The quote challenges the idea that entrepreneurial skills are innate, suggesting that they are instead developed through reinforcement and practice, and that anyone can become an entrepreneur with the right encouragement and learning experiences.