Success is the Best Revenge Ep 571

Summary Notes


In this podcast, the host and entrepreneur behind shares personal anecdotes and philosophies on managing anger and achieving success. Emphasizing the power of understanding to diffuse anger, he recounts a lesson from his high school teacher, Steve Givens, who taught him that "success is the only revenge." He discusses the importance of sublimation—channeling negative emotions into positive actions—and understanding the perspectives of others to foster forgiveness. The host also touches on the inevitability of betrayal and disappointment in business and personal relationships, and the need for strong mental processes to remain resilient. Additionally, Speaker C urges listeners to support the podcast by sharing and leaving reviews to help more entrepreneurs.

Summary Notes

Understanding and Forgiveness

  • Understanding someone's perspective can mitigate feelings of anger.
  • True comprehension of a person's circumstances can lead to forgiveness rather than holding onto anger.

"To understand is to forgive. You can't understand and be angry at the same time. It's actually really difficult. The moment you really, truly understand where someone is coming from and see their perspective, truly, it's really difficult to be angry."

This quote emphasizes that understanding and anger are mutually exclusive. When one truly grasps another's perspective, it becomes challenging to maintain feelings of anger, suggesting a pathway to forgiveness through understanding.

Business as a Game

  • Wealthy individuals often view business as a competitive and strategic game.
  • The podcast aims to document the journey and lessons learned while building a billion-dollar portfolio.

"The wealthiest people in the world see business as a game. This podcast, the game, is my attempt at documenting the lessons I've learned on my way to building into a billion dollar portfolio."

Speaker B shares their perspective on how successful business people perceive business as a game, and the podcast serves as a medium to chronicle the experiences and insights gained from building a significant business venture.

Growth and Partnership

  • The speaker expresses a desire for listeners to apply the lessons shared to grow their own businesses.
  • There is an open invitation for listeners to potentially collaborate and achieve substantial business milestones together.

"Less to growing our business and maybe someday soon partner with us to get to $100 million and beyond. I hope you share and enjoy."

Speaker B is encouraging listeners to use the podcast's content for their own business growth and hints at the possibility of future partnerships that could lead to reaching financial goals of $100 million and beyond.

Resilience in Entrepreneurship

  • The speaker discusses the importance of resilience and mental processes in entrepreneurship.
  • Two strategies are mentioned that have helped the speaker become more resilient in the face of mental challenges.

"I was going to originally call this how to deal with shit, but instead I'm going with no pain, no gain. And so I wanted to outline two of the strategies that I think have helped me become more resilient in the face of mental strife."

Speaker A introduces the topic of resilience in entrepreneurship, indicating that they will share two strategies that have been effective in managing mental difficulties and challenges within their entrepreneurial journey.

Anger Management

  • Speaker A discusses the typical emotional responses to negative events: anger and sadness.
  • They focus on anger, explaining it often arises from a sense of being wronged or betrayed.
  • The speaker underlines the importance of having processes to handle anger, especially as one's business grows.

"And so one of the ones that I wanted to bring up is around anger. And so I think whenever anything bad happens, right, there's typically one of two responses. Either you become angry or you become sad, right? Sometimes they happen in different order. Some people never get sad. Some people never get angry. Some people get both. It's a mix."

Speaker A describes the common reactions to adverse situations, noting that people typically respond with anger or sadness. They express a personal tendency towards anger rather than sadness, setting the stage to discuss how to manage such emotions.

"We get angry because typically we feel wronged, right? And so that immediately comes from a place of elevation, like, you feel like you were above something. How dare someone do something to you? And it's typically someone who you brought into your circle who then betrays you in a certain way, whatever that be."

This quote delves into the psychology behind anger, suggesting it stems from a sense of injustice or betrayal, particularly by someone close or trusted. It highlights the emotional response to perceived wrongs and the desire for retribution.

"So how do you deal with this? Right? Because the bigger you get, the more times people are going to break things or break what you perceive to be relationships and do things that are wrong."

Speaker A raises the issue of dealing with betrayal and wrongdoing, especially as one's business and influence expand. They imply that with growth comes an increased likelihood of facing such challenges, necessitating effective coping mechanisms.

Personal Stories and Lessons

  • Speaker A indicates they will share two significant personal stories that have shaped their life.
  • These stories are expected to provide insights into the speaker's resilience and approach to challenges.

"And so there's two cornerstone stories that shape my life that I wanted to share with you."

Speaker A introduces the intent to share personal experiences that have been pivotal in their development, suggesting these narratives will offer valuable lessons to the listeners.

Importance of Mentors and After-School Programs

  • Mentors can have a lasting impact on students' lives, providing guidance and support.
  • After-school programs and activities, often supported by donations, play a crucial role in the development of young individuals.
  • Steve Givens, a teacher, is highlighted as a significant mentor who dedicated time after school to work with the speaker.

"I had a teacher named Steve Givens. He's the one who stayed with me after school. A lot of the after school donation stuff that we do is, is a big part because of that."

The quote emphasizes the influence of a specific teacher, Steve Givens, on the speaker's life and the importance of after-school engagement in personal growth.

Dealing with Anger and Adolescent Challenges

  • Adolescence is a confusing and tumultuous time, often marked by anger and emotional struggles.
  • The speaker reflects on their own experiences of anger during their 9th-grade year.
  • The idea of proving oneself at a high school reunion is challenged by the teacher, highlighting the futility of holding onto past grievances.

"And so when I was in 9th grade, I was such an angry kid... I was like, I'm going to show them. And he was like, if you actually come back ten years from now and you go up to somebody who bugged you and you tell them that, look at you now, he's like, you're going to look like an idiot because they're going to know that you've been thinking about them this whole time, and they didn't even think about you."

This quote captures the speaker's realization, through their teacher's advice, that holding onto anger and seeking revenge at a high school reunion would be counterproductive and reflect poorly on themselves.

Success as the Only Revenge

  • Success is presented as the most effective form of revenge, allowing one to overcome negative emotions and move forward positively.
  • The teacher's advice to focus on success rather than retaliation is a recurring theme in the speaker's life.
  • The concept of sublimation is introduced, where negative emotions are channeled into positive actions, like exercising to alleviate anger.

"And so he left me with a statement that whenever I get really angry about something, I turn to, which is success is the only revenge... success is the only revenge because it's the only thing you can do."

The quote underscores the mantra that success is the most appropriate response to feelings of anger and the desire for revenge, shaping the speaker's approach to handling such emotions.

The Futility of Anger and Self-Destruction

  • Anger is likened to self-poisoning, where the individual harboring the emotion suffers more than the target of their anger.
  • The speaker discusses the self-destructive nature of anger and how it can lead to a cycle of frustration and ineffectiveness.
  • Recognizing and breaking this cycle is essential for personal growth and maintaining effectiveness.

"There's a lot of people who've said this statement, but I like it a lot, which is like, being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, right?"

This quote illustrates the toxic nature of anger and how it harms the person feeling it more than the one it is directed at, reinforcing the need to manage and redirect anger constructively.

Long-Term Resilience and Success in Life

  • Exposure to more experiences over time inevitably leads to being wronged more frequently, which requires resilience.
  • Staying focused and channeling energy into success is the way to cope with the challenges faced over a long career or life journey.
  • The speaker emphasizes the importance of maintaining a clear head and using success as a means to overcome adversity.

"And so the only way you can stay in is to keep yourself in, is to keep your head straight. And so success is the only revenge. And so channel everything into that, into the thing that's going to be the only revenge you have, which is continuing to succeed."

The quote conveys the idea that perseverance and focusing on success are critical for enduring and overcoming life's challenges, making success the ultimate form of revenge against any wrongdoing faced.

Anger Management Strategies

  • Discusses immediate strategies to deal with anger, such as refraining from sending aggressive messages.
  • Emphasizes the importance of channeling anger into physical activity, like weightlifting.
  • Highlights the need for handling residual anger after the initial outburst.
  • Suggests that understanding the root of one's anger can lead to forgiveness and a decrease in anger.

me deal with anger and that's in the immediate. So how to diffuse it in the moment when you want to go and write some nasty facebook post or do some really mean live or blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, right? Whenever you have that feeling and you type it up and you're like, I shouldn't send this, you probably shouldn't, right? And just remembering that has been ingrained in my mind.

This quote explains the speaker's method for dealing with immediate anger by not acting on the impulse to send aggressive communications.

And maybe it was because it was such a young age that I heard it, but it was like I was so angry at that time and then that's when I started lifting harder, you know what I mean? She's like, take it out on the weight, man.

The speaker shares how they were advised at a young age to channel their anger into intense physical activity, such as lifting weights, which became a coping mechanism for them.

And obviously as you get older, sometimes you can push it into the weight. I am going to go work out, but sometimes there's still some leftover. And so what do you do with that? And so when you have the leftover anger or the anger after the dust settles, you're still enraged about something, right? What do you do?

This quote addresses the issue of residual anger that remains even after physical exertion and questions how to handle it effectively.

The Power of Understanding and Forgiveness

  • Discusses a personal experience of anger towards a parent and how a college paper led to a deeper understanding and forgiveness.
  • Describes the process of examining someone's life stages and experiences to gain insight into their identity and value system.
  • Conveys the idea that understanding someone's perspective and experiences can lead to forgiveness and dissipate anger.

So for me, obviously, we've been angry more times than once in your life. And so a deeper anger was towards parent. I had, and so I still have. And the way that I dealt with that was I actually had a paper that I had to write in college and it was on mental disorders.

The speaker begins by acknowledging their long-standing anger towards a parent and introduces a college assignment as a turning point in dealing with that anger.

Based on what you have, you can interview them, asking more questions, so you get more insight and then write a paper about that person and what factors may have potentially created who they are, their identity, their personality, their value system. Right. All that stuff.

The quote outlines the process of researching and writing about someone's psychological development to understand their personality and values, which was part of the speaker's college assignment.

And once I wrote this, the person that I was extremely upset with was what I wrote it about. And by the end of finishing a paper, I was no longer upset with them because I understood them and I understood why.

This quote reveals that the act of writing and researching for the paper led to a newfound understanding of the person they were angry with, which resolved the speaker's feelings of anger.

I think the second quote is to understand is to forgive. You can't understand and be angry at the same time. It's actually really difficult. And so the moment you really, truly understand someone or truly understand where someone is coming from and see their perspective, truly, not just say, I get your side, but not what they're saying, but what experiences they went through to create the value system that creates that worldview.

The speaker shares a pivotal realization that understanding someone deeply, including their experiences and value system, makes it challenging to remain angry with them.

Promoting the Podcast

  • The host requests support for the podcast by asking listeners to spread the word.
  • Emphasizes that the podcast does not run ads or sell products, making listener support crucial.
  • Encourages listeners to leave reviews to help more entrepreneurs.

Real quick, guys, you guys already know that I don't run any ads on this and I don't sell anything. And so the only ask that I can ever have of you guys is that you help me spread the word so we can help more entrepreneurs make more money, feed their families, make better products, and have better experiences for their employees and customers.

This quote is a direct appeal from the host to the audience, explaining that the podcast's growth relies on word-of-mouth promotion to support the entrepreneurial community.

It'll take you 10 seconds or one type of the thumb. It would mean the absolute world to me. And more importantly, it may change the world for someone else.

The host emphasizes the ease of supporting the podcast by leaving a review and the potential positive impact it could have on others.

Emotional Processing and Personal Growth

  • Understanding the root causes of emotions and behaviors is crucial for personal growth.
  • Reflecting on past experiences, upbringing, and long-term influences helps to comprehend why a person may act a certain way.
  • Writing from another person's perspective can aid in overcoming negative emotions and gaining insight into their actions.

"What experiences did this person go through? What upbringing? What things have happened? What things have happened recently? What things have happened long term that might have created an environment inside of this person where they would think this was okay, right?"

This quote highlights the importance of considering an individual's background and experiences to understand their actions. It suggests that personal history plays a significant role in shaping behavior and decisions.

Betrayal and Coping Mechanisms

  • The speaker experienced betrayal from a best friend, which led to intense emotions.
  • The friend dated the speaker's ex-girlfriend in secret, causing feelings of rage.
  • To cope, the speaker wrote a story from the friend's perspective to understand and diffuse the anger.

"I was heartbroken once in my life, not by a girl, but by my best friend."

This quote introduces the speaker's personal experience with betrayal, setting the stage for the discussion of coping mechanisms and emotional growth that follows.

Articulating Emotions Through Creative Expression

  • Writing a story from the betrayer's perspective allowed the speaker to process emotions constructively.
  • The exercise provided insight into the friend's motivations and helped the speaker to move past anger.

"I wrote a story, their love story, from his perspective."

This quote explains the method the speaker used to cope with betrayal—by creatively putting themselves in the betrayer's shoes, which facilitated emotional healing.

Success as Revenge

  • The speaker believes that achieving success is the best form of revenge.
  • Focusing on personal success can be a driving force to overcome emotional turmoil.

"The primary, which is success is the only revenge."

This quote conveys the speaker's philosophy that personal achievements are a more productive response to hurtful situations than harboring resentment or seeking retribution.

Resilience in the Face of Adversity

  • Emotional resilience is necessary to handle the increasing challenges that come with success.
  • Personal attacks become more intense and direct as one's profile rises, especially in fields like politics.

"The higher up you go, the harder it gets. It doesn't get easier, it gets heavier and thicker, you know what I mean?"

This quote emphasizes the notion that with greater success comes greater challenges, suggesting the need for strong coping mechanisms to deal with emotional stress.

Reflections on Political Careers

  • The speaker expresses bewilderment at the willingness of individuals to pursue political careers despite the personal sacrifices involved.
  • The harsh public scrutiny faced by politicians is acknowledged as a significant deterrent.

"I have no idea why people want to get into politics."

This quote reveals the speaker's perplexity regarding the motivation behind choosing a career in politics, given the associated personal costs and public pressures.

Personal Anecdotes as Learning Tools

  • The speaker shares personal stories as examples of how to handle stressful and anger-inducing situations.
  • These anecdotes serve as guidance for others who may face similar emotional challenges.

"Those are two of the cornerstone stories of my life that have dramatically shaped how I deal with very stressful things that happen."

By sharing these personal stories, the speaker aims to provide insight and potential strategies to listeners who may encounter comparable difficulties in their own lives.

Acknowledging Emotional Nuances

  • The speaker admits to not having a coping strategy for sadness, as it is not a current emotional reality for them.
  • Anger is used as a catalyst to move away from sadness, indicating a preference for action-oriented emotions.

"I don't have one for being sad because that one's not super real for me right now."

This quote acknowledges the speaker's current emotional state and suggests that their coping mechanisms are tailored to the emotions they frequently experience, such as anger, rather than sadness.

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