Success is the best Revenge Ep 129

Summary Notes


In this podcast, the host discusses strategies for managing anger and emotional resilience, particularly in the context of entrepreneurship. He shares personal stories, including lessons from his high school teacher Steve Givens, who taught him that "success is the only revenge" as a means to channel anger into positive action. He also explores the idea that understanding the perspective and experiences of others can lead to forgiveness, encapsulated in the phrase "to understand is to forgive." The host emphasizes the importance of sublimation—converting negative emotions into beneficial outcomes—and introspection to cope with betrayal and emotional challenges as one's business and personal stakes grow.

Summary Notes

Introduction to Resilience Strategies

  • Steve introduces the topic of resilience in the face of mental strife, particularly within the context of entrepreneurship and growing businesses.
  • Emphasizes the importance of having strong mental processes to safeguard oneself.
  • Plans to discuss strategies related to dealing with anger, one of the common responses to negative events.

"I wanted to outline two of the strategies that I think have helped me become more resilient in the face of mental strife."

The quote is Steve's introduction to the topic, where he expresses his intent to share personal strategies for resilience, highlighting the relevance of such strategies in entrepreneurial growth and mental well-being.

Understanding Anger

  • Steve speaks from personal experience, stating that he tends to react with anger rather than sadness when faced with adverse situations.
  • He introspects on why people get angry, suggesting it often stems from feeling wronged or betrayed, especially by someone within one's trusted circle.
  • Anger is described as a response to broken promises or unmet expectations, leading to a desire for justice or retribution.

"We get angry because typically we feel wronged, right? And so that immediately comes from a place of elevation, like, you feel like you were above something. How dare someone do something to you?"

Steve explains the psychological basis of anger, which is feeling wronged or betrayed. This sense of injustice often leads to anger, especially when the perceived betrayal comes from someone close or trusted.

Dealing with Betrayal and Anger in Business

  • Steve acknowledges that as businesses and influence grow, the likelihood of experiencing betrayal increases.
  • He shares that he has personally faced numerous betrayals, including broken partnerships, financial theft, and disloyal employees.
  • Steve stresses the necessity of having strong processes to handle such situations without being consumed by them.

"Because the bigger you get, the more times people are going to break things or break what you perceive to be relationships and do things that are wrong."

This quote underscores the reality that growth often comes with increased instances of betrayal and disappointment, necessitating robust coping mechanisms to prevent such experiences from causing personal or professional destruction.

Personal Anecdotes of Resilience

  • Steve intends to share two cornerstone stories from his life that have shaped his approach to dealing with adversity.
  • He mentions a significant influence, Steve Givens, a teacher who supported him after school and contributed to his charitable work.
  • Reflects on his own anger during his 9th-grade year, suggesting that such feelings are common during adolescence.

"So the first one is from when I was in high school. When I was in 9th grade, I had a teacher named Steve Givens."

This quote introduces the first personal story Steve plans to share, highlighting the impact of a supportive figure during his formative years and how it has influenced his current actions and philosophy.

Dealing with Anger and the Concept of Success as Revenge

  • Steve Givens discusses his past experience as an angry child and his desire for revenge at a high school reunion.
  • He was advised that such direct confrontation would reveal his preoccupation with the past and make him appear foolish.
  • Givens was introduced to the idea that "success is the only revenge," which became a guiding principle for him.
  • This concept suggests that instead of harboring resentment or seeking to hurt others, one should channel energy into personal success.
  • Anger is likened to self-poisoning, as it can become self-destructive and less effective.
  • Givens discusses sublimation, the process of transforming negative emotions into positive actions, such as exercising when upset.
  • He emphasizes the importance of maintaining focus on success to cope with the inevitable wrongs experienced over time.

"And I was like, shit, how do I get this out?"

This quote captures Steve's realization of the need to find a constructive outlet for his anger.

"Success is the only revenge."

Steve adopts this phrase as a personal mantra to transform his anger into motivation for success.

"Being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

Steve reflects on the futility and self-harm of holding onto anger.

"The only way that I've been able to break that is by understanding and continually repeating that, which is like success is the only revenge, which then allows you to sublimate."

Steve explains his method of coping with anger through the concept of sublimation, which leads to positive outcomes.

"The only way you can stay in is to keep yourself in, is to keep your head straight."

Steve emphasizes the importance of mental resilience and focus on success to endure and overcome challenges.

"So that's like cornerstone story number one that has helped me deal with anger, and that's in the immediate."

Steve identifies the concept of success as revenge as a key strategy for immediate anger management.

Immediate Anger Diffusion Tactics

  • Steve Givens shares a personal anecdote about how to manage anger in the moment.
  • He suggests refraining from impulsive actions like posting angry messages on social media.
  • The act of writing out an angry response and then choosing not to send it is presented as an example of controlling immediate emotional reactions.

"So how to diffuse it in the moment when you want to go and write some nasty Facebook post or do some really mean live or blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, right?"

Steve describes the common impulse to react publicly in anger and the importance of self-restraint.

The quote illustrates the challenge of managing anger in the heat of the moment and the need for self-control.

Channeling Anger into Productivity

  • Steve Givens discusses the advice he received to channel anger into physical exercise, specifically weightlifting.
  • This advice helped him redirect his anger in a positive direction, especially in his younger years.
  • As he got older, Steve acknowledges that while working out can help, there may still be residual anger left to deal with.

"And then that's when I started lifting harder. You know what I mean? She's like, take it out on the weight, man."

This quote highlights the moment Steve decided to use weightlifting as an outlet for his anger, following the guidance he received.

"And obviously, as you get older, sometimes you can push it into the weight. I am going to go work out, but sometimes there's still some leftover."

Steve reflects on the fact that while physical exercise can be a good outlet for anger, it may not fully resolve the underlying issues, leaving some anger remaining.

Importance of Podcast Support

  • The speakers stress the importance of supporting the podcast through ratings and reviews.
  • They see this support as essential for the growth of the podcast and its ability to reach and help entrepreneurs.
  • The host humorously chastises listeners who haven't yet reviewed the podcast and then sincerely asks for their support.

"You have not rated or reviewed the show, I want you to know that you should feel absolutely terrible about yourself and everything else in the world. I'm kidding."

This quote is a playful nudge to encourage listeners to rate and review the podcast, suggesting that their support is crucial.

"It's just us."

Steve reinforces the message that the growth of the podcast relies on the community of listeners and their active participation.

Understanding as a Path to Forgiveness

  • Steve Givens shares a personal story about writing a college paper on mental disorders, which led to a revelation about anger towards a parent.
  • He had to analyze the developmental stages and life experiences of the person he was angry with to understand their identity, personality, and values.
  • Through this process, Steve came to understand the reasons behind the person's behavior, which led to forgiveness.

"All of that stuff. And once I wrote this, the person that I was extremely upset with was what I wrote it about. And by the end of finishing the paper, I was no longer upset with them because I understood them and I understood why."

This quote explains how the act of writing and researching for the paper allowed Steve to gain a deeper understanding of the person he resented, which dissolved his anger.

"To understand is to forgive. You can't understand and be angry at the same time."

Steve shares a quote that encapsulates his belief that true understanding of another person's experiences and perspectives can lead to forgiveness and the release of anger.

Personal Experiences and Emotional Growth

  • Steve Givens shares a personal story of heartbreak not from a romantic relationship, but from a betrayal by his best friend.
  • He explains the emotional turmoil he felt when he discovered his best friend secretly dated his ex-girlfriend for a year.
  • Givens describes his initial reaction of pure rage upon learning about their secret relationship.
  • He overcame his anger by writing a story from his friend's perspective to understand his motivations and actions.
  • This exercise helped him to diffuse his emotions and focus on the principle that "success is the only revenge."
  • Givens emphasizes the importance of having tools to handle emotional issues, especially as one's responsibilities and visibility increase.

"And so the way that I was able to get over that rage, right, and not do something really stupid was I wrote a story, their love story, from his perspective."

This quote explains how Givens coped with his anger by writing a story from his friend's point of view, which allowed him to process the situation and move past his initial emotions.

"And then once I went through that whole thing, I understood and then I was no longer angry."

This quote indicates that the act of writing and understanding the situation from his friend's perspective was a crucial step in overcoming his anger.

"Success is the only revenge."

This quote encapsulates Givens' belief that achieving success is the best way to respond to emotional pain and betrayal.

"Because the higher up you go, the harder it gets. It doesn't get easier, it gets heavier and thicker, you know what I mean?"

Givens acknowledges that with increased success comes greater challenges and more intense personal attacks, highlighting the need for emotional resilience.

Politics and Public Scrutiny

  • Givens expresses bewilderment at why individuals would choose a career in politics given the intense public scrutiny and inevitable personal attacks.
  • He contemplates the trade-offs politicians make, including the likelihood of being hated by a large portion of the public.

"That's why I have no idea why people want to get into politics."

This quote reflects Givens' confusion about the appeal of a political career, given the negative aspects that come with it.

"I think. That's really. I don't know how they're like, this is the trade off. I'm going to get destroyed publicly and everyone's going to hate me for the rest of my life."

Here, Givens is pondering the cost-benefit analysis that politicians must do, questioning whether the trade-off of public service for personal vilification is worth it.

Managing Sadness and Anger

  • Givens admits he does not have a strategy for dealing with sadness because it is not an emotion he often confronts.
  • He reveals that when he does feel sad, it quickly turns to anger, which is an emotion he feels more equipped to handle.

"I don't have one for being sad because that one's not super real for me right now."

This quote indicates that Givens has not had to develop a method for coping with sadness as it is not a prevalent emotion in his life at the moment.

"But for right now, whenever I get sad, I get angry about the fact that I'm sad and I get right back to angry."

Givens explains that his sadness is usually short-lived as it transforms into anger, an emotion he is more familiar with and has strategies to manage.

Conclusion and Well-Wishes

  • Steve Givens concludes his talk by expressing hope that his experiences and strategies for dealing with stress and anger might help others.
  • He wishes his audience a good day and a "Sexy Sunday," ending on a light-hearted note.

"And I hope that that helps you if you ever have to deal with stressful things or things that anger you."

Givens offers his story and the lessons he learned in the hopes that they will be beneficial to others facing similar emotional challenges.

"Hope you guys have an s word? Sexy Sunday."

This quote shows Givens ending the conversation with a playful and positive send-off, wishing his audience well.

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