Success = Ingrained Intolerance ...and why i dont go home for the holidays Ep 92



In this candid discussion, the host delves into the challenges of personal growth, particularly when returning home for the holidays, where family members may hold onto outdated perceptions that no longer align with his evolved identity. He emphasizes the importance of confronting and rejecting these mischaracterizations to maintain progress and self-definition. The host also explores the broader theme of belief systems in entrepreneurship, advocating for a constant reevaluation of self-imposed limitations and the narratives we accept from others. He shares anecdotes of entrepreneurs who have achieved rapid success by breaking free from restrictive beliefs and choosing to believe in the possibility of their goals. The host encourages listeners to be vigilant about the beliefs they internalize and to create an environment conducive to growth, free from negative influences.

Summary Notes

Concept of Personal Growth and Change

  • The speaker has been contemplating a concept about personal growth for several weeks.
  • Personal growth is seen as a key to success and continuous improvement.
  • The speaker distinguishes between growth, which is necessary for entrepreneurs, and the lack of change in others.
  • Growth is equated to change, but for entrepreneurs, it is a necessary and positive aspect of their journey.

"One of the reasons that I don't go home for the holidays is that a lot of people haven't grown since I left, right? They haven't had ten years of growth. They've lived the same six months, 20 times, right, since I was gone."

The quote emphasizes the speaker's perception that people from their past have not experienced personal growth and are stuck in a repetitive cycle, contrasting with the speaker's own development over the years.

Struggle with Past Identity and Others' Perceptions

  • The speaker faces challenges when visiting home due to others' inability to reconcile their past identity with who they are now.
  • There is a conflict between the speaker's current self and the outdated perceptions held by others.
  • People from the speaker's past tend to impose old identities, making it difficult for the speaker to maintain their evolved self-image.

"And when I go back, they want to meet me in my past, and so they want to speak things over me that aren't who I am anymore."

This quote highlights the struggle of being confronted with a former identity that no longer aligns with the speaker's current self, which is a source of discomfort and frustration.

The Concept of 'Ingrained Intolerance' for Personal Boundaries

  • The speaker introduces the concept of 'ingrained intolerance' as a means of maintaining personal growth and success.
  • There is a necessity to combat and correct misconceptions about oneself assertively.
  • The speaker takes a strong stance against allowing others to speak falsehoods or outdated views over them.

"Success equals ingrained intolerance."

This quote encapsulates the speaker's belief that success requires an intolerance for being mischaracterized or confined to an outdated self-image.

The Impact of Family and Community on Personal Growth

  • The speaker feels that visiting home for the holidays can be regressive due to others' attempts to confine them to past behaviors.
  • There is a sense of needing to cleanse oneself from the negative assertions made by others.
  • The speaker acknowledges that their path and aspirations are not 'normal' and may not be accepted by everyone.

"And what we are all, as a community, trying to accomplish is not normal."

This quote reflects the speaker's awareness that their goals and the entrepreneurial community's objectives are unconventional and may be met with resistance from those with more traditional perspectives.

Establishing New Interpersonal Dynamics

  • The speaker believes in the importance of teaching others how to treat them according to their current identity and standards.
  • There is an emphasis on the difficulty of re-establishing boundaries with family due to longstanding relationships.
  • The speaker manages their interactions carefully, limiting time spent with those who do not share their goals or values.

"You have to teach people how you like to be treated now."

The quote underscores the need for the speaker to assert their current preferences for treatment and interaction, which may differ significantly from past expectations.

Blood Relations vs. Personal Values Alignment

  • The speaker feels that if not for biological ties, they would likely not interact with many of their relatives.
  • There is a clear delineation between maintaining relationships out of familial obligation versus shared values and goals.
  • The speaker is selective about their personal space and the time they spend with family.

"There's a lot of people that I'm connected with that I probably would never see again if I didn't have a blood relation."

This quote conveys the speaker's sentiment that, aside from the bond of family, there is little to no reason to maintain connections with certain individuals who do not align with their values or aspirations.

Personal Growth and Intolerance of Negative Influence

  • Recognizing the importance of distancing oneself from negative influences is key to personal growth.
  • Creating a quiet space without external negativity allows for the development of new attributes in their early stages.
  • It's crucial to be mindful of the language used about oneself, as it can shape beliefs and capabilities.

You make me feel worse. Why would I see you, right. Just being very real with you guys.

This quote emphasizes the speaker's realization that certain interactions can have a detrimental effect on their well-being and growth. The speaker is choosing to avoid such negative influences.

Being so intolerant of this stuff is so key to being able to grow, I'm telling you.

The speaker stresses that intolerance toward negativity is essential for personal growth, suggesting that growth is hindered by allowing negative input to persist.

The Power of Belief and Identity

  • Identity is not fixed and can be changed by altering one's beliefs and self-perception.
  • Positive change can be hindered by negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.
  • Challenging deeply held beliefs can lead to significant personal growth and breakthroughs.

And so if you identify these things, like, man, I'm getting really deep on this. I know, but the identity is so fluid, we can change in an instant.

The speaker is reflecting on the malleability of identity, suggesting that recognizing and addressing personal beliefs can lead to rapid transformation.

One of my favorite sayings in the world, probably one of my favorite, one of the most profound sayings, is we question all of our beliefs except for those that we truly believe and those we never question at all.

This quote highlights the paradox that the most deeply held beliefs are often the least scrutinized, suggesting that questioning these beliefs is a powerful tool for growth.

Business Growth and Strategy

  • The speaker's business experienced significant growth by pivoting from a "done for you" model to a "done with you" model.
  • Rapid scaling is possible by challenging the belief that growth must be slow.
  • Necessity can force businesses to break through limiting beliefs and achieve remarkable feats, such as rapid hiring to meet demand.

We pivoted from a done for you model to the done with you model that we have now in April of 2017.

This quote outlines a strategic shift in the speaker's business model that contributed to substantial growth, demonstrating the impact of adaptability in business.

And 2019, we're going to probably three to four x that I can say that pretty with a lot of certainty.

The speaker expresses confidence in the continued rapid growth of their business, underscoring the belief in their strategy and the potential to scale quickly.

The Role of Necessity in Breaking Beliefs

  • Necessity can be a powerful motivator to overcome previously held beliefs about what is possible.
  • When faced with urgent needs, people and businesses can accomplish tasks that seemed impossible before, such as hiring many employees in a short period.
  • The speaker encourages others to consider how necessity might help them break through their own limiting beliefs.

A lot of times, the necessity is one of the biggest things that allows us to break our beliefs because we have to, we have no other choice, right?

This quote illustrates how necessity can force individuals and businesses to push past self-imposed limitations and achieve goals that once seemed unattainable.

Belief's Impact on Influence and Performance

  • The speaker emphasizes the power of belief in influencing outcomes and personal growth.
  • An experiment of gaining muscle mass is used to illustrate how belief can set parameters for achieving goals.
  • The speaker gained 35 pounds of muscle in six weeks by changing his workout frequency based on the belief of what was necessary to achieve his goal.
  • The importance of self-awareness regarding the limitations we impose on ourselves through our beliefs is highlighted.

"The tonality of how you're speaking to the prospect, even though the words are the same, the fact that it's just what you believe that changes the outcome and the influence on the other person is so cool to me."

This quote underscores the significance of belief in how it affects both the speaker's tone and the resulting influence on the listener, suggesting that belief can alter the impact of communication.

"I did this experiment three years ago where I put on, like, 35 pounds of muscle in six weeks, right? And I did that because of the confines that we put ourselves under."

The speaker shares a personal anecdote to demonstrate how self-imposed beliefs can lead to significant physical achievements, indicating that mental constraints can be powerful motivators for growth.

Self-Reflection and Personal Narratives

  • The speaker discusses the importance of questioning the negative beliefs that others may impose on us and the ones we impose on ourselves.
  • Reflecting on the language we use to talk to ourselves is presented as a key factor in personal and business growth.
  • The speaker shares a recent shift from tactical advice to a focus on mindset in content videos, reflecting on what has been on their mind.

"And so constantly questioning those things that we speak over ourselves has been, honestly one of the biggest things that has allowed us to grow."

This quote highlights the speaker's belief that self-reflection and challenging self-imposed narratives are critical to personal development and success.

Tactical vs. Mindset Approaches in Business

  • The speaker recounts an experience with Chris and Robin Barnett, winners of a secret competition, who felt stuck in their business.
  • Instead of providing tactical business advice, the speaker focused on addressing their beliefs and self-imposed limitations.
  • A specific example is given where Robin wanted to leave the gym business, and the speaker challenges the belief that her departure needed to be delayed.

"We feel like we're stuck, right? We feel like we're in a bottleneck and we're just trying to break through."

Chris and Robin Barnett express a feeling of being trapped in their current situation, indicating a mental barrier to progress.

"I didn't tell them a single tactical thing to do differently with their business. Not one. But what we identified was the things that they were speaking over themselves and the things that they were choosing to believe about how quickly things can happen."

The speaker emphasizes the importance of addressing underlying beliefs rather than just focusing on tactical business strategies, suggesting that mindset shifts can lead to breakthroughs.

The Role of Belief in Achieving High-Level Success

  • The speaker discusses conversations with successful business people who are curious about the speaker's rapid growth.
  • A pattern is observed where successful individuals often focus on mindset over tactics.
  • The speaker has come to appreciate the non-tactical, mindset-focused advice from successful individuals.
  • Keeping a "clean space" is a metaphor for maintaining focus and clarity, which is essential for high achievers to identify and address challenges effectively.

"We've really just chosen to believe it's possible. And a lot of times if you talk to them and it's like, you see these guys who are really high up in the business world, and a lot of times they do talk very nontactical, very much mindset stuff."

The speaker recognizes that belief in possibility is a common trait among highly successful individuals, who often emphasize the importance of mindset over specific tactics.

"The higher up you go, the cleaner people keep their space. And the reason they do that, the reason they keep it so quiet is so that they can pinpoint anything that comes in their area, right?"

This quote suggests that successful people maintain focus and eliminate distractions to protect their mindset and ensure they can quickly address any issues that arise, likening mental clarity to a physical space.

Examples of Mindset Overcoming Business Challenges

  • The speaker provides another example of a businessman with two companies experiencing different levels of success and enjoyment.
  • The businessman's old business, despite generating more revenue, brought complexity and dissatisfaction, indicating that financial success alone is not sufficient for fulfillment.

"I talked to a guy who's doing half a million a month right now, and he has it split between two businesses. He's got one business that does like 400,000 a month. He's got one that does 100,000 a month, and he's like, well, the $400,000 a month business is my old business. It's the one that, it's got all the complexity in it. I hate the customers, a"

This quote provides insight into a real-world scenario where a business owner struggles with the emotional and operational complexities of his more profitable business, suggesting that mindset and personal satisfaction play a crucial role in business decision-making.

Simplifying Business Focus

  • The individual in question is running two businesses, one at $400,000 a month that is complex and one at $100,000 a month that is simpler and more profitable.
  • The advice given is to drop the more complex business to focus on the simpler, more profitable one.
  • The belief that complexity is necessary for success is challenged.

"It's super profitable. I'm running like three times the margin I run in that business."

This quote highlights the profitability and efficiency of the simpler business compared to the more complex one, suggesting that focusing on the former could be more beneficial.

"Do you think if you got rid of all of the attention that that $400,000 a month thing is sucking up, you'd be able to double the $100,000 a month thing?"

The quote implies that by eliminating the distraction of the less profitable business, there would be more resources to grow the more profitable one.

Unseen Beliefs and Vision

  • The concept of unseen beliefs refers to the ideas and convictions that hold individuals back because they are not aware of them.
  • Wisdom is defined as the ability to see what others cannot in the same situation, implying a deeper insight or discernment.
  • The speaker encourages questioning one's beliefs to identify and overcome limitations.

"It's just the beliefs that we truly believe are the ones that we don't see."

This quote suggests that the most limiting beliefs are those that are not recognized or questioned by the individual.

"Wisdom is being able to see if two people are looking at the same situation. The wiser person sees things that the other person doesn't."

The quote defines wisdom as a form of vision or perception that allows one to see beyond the obvious or surface-level understanding of a situation.

Entrepreneurial Bottlenecks and Self-Imposed Limitations

  • Entrepreneurs often attribute business stagnation to external factors when it is actually their own beliefs that create bottlenecks.
  • The speaker suggests that some entrepreneurs consciously choose to make less money due to their beliefs.
  • Changing one's perspective or beliefs can lead to obvious solutions and business growth.

"It's not the business model, right? It's you."

This quote points to the entrepreneur themselves as the bottleneck in their business rather than any external factor or business model.

"A lot of times it's just because you're choosing to make less money."

The quote indicates that some business decisions that limit growth are a conscious choice, often based on unexamined beliefs.

Emotional Decision-Making in Business

  • The speaker acknowledges that emotions often drive decision-making in business.
  • Logical analysis of situations can reveal obvious solutions that emotions might obscure.
  • Fear of change or loss can prevent necessary business decisions, such as replacing underperforming employees.

"We make decisions with emotions, and we try and logic it later."

This quote acknowledges the human tendency to make decisions based on emotions and then attempt to rationalize them afterwards.

"Do you think that if you had a new trainer that was bought in that you would be able to grow more?"

The quote challenges the fear of loss by asking if a better-suited employee could contribute to business growth, suggesting that the fear is a limiting belief.

The Power of External Perspectives

  • Sometimes an external perspective is needed to identify and address limiting beliefs.
  • Entrepreneurs often realize the folly of their beliefs when they are articulated by someone else.
  • The speaker encourages seeking outside advice to gain clarity on issues that may seem complex from the inside.

"And so sometimes you just need someone on the outside."

This quote highlights the value of an external viewpoint in recognizing and overcoming personal or business challenges.

Mindfulness and Self-Talk

  • The speaker emphasizes the importance of being mindful of how others speak to you and how you speak to yourself.
  • Negative self-talk and beliefs should be addressed and changed if they do not serve personal or business growth.
  • The speaker encourages setting boundaries with others and oneself to foster a positive mindset.

"Be mindful of the things that people speak over you and the tone that they do it."

This quote advises vigilance over the words and attitudes of others, suggesting that they can impact one's beliefs and actions.

"Be mindful of the things that you're saying, and then ask yourself, like, does this belief serve me and if it doesn't, get rid of it."

The quote encourages self-awareness and the evaluation of personal beliefs, with the suggestion to discard those that are not beneficial.

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