Shedding Relationships In Your 20's (Pt.2) Ep 476

Summary Notes


In this podcast, the host discusses the relentless pursuit of business success, personal relationships, and the allocation of time. He shares a personal anecdote about outworking a competitor by sacrificing personal time, illustrating his commitment to business growth. The host also delves into the dynamics of friendships, suggesting that the duration one is willing to tolerate negative periods in a relationship correlates with the level of love and the history of positive reinforcement. He emphasizes the importance of providing value in relationships and questions the societal pressure to maintain connections that no longer serve one's goals. Additionally, the host touches on the concept of redefining relationships and goals through the sacrifices one is willing to make, and he reflects on the societal narratives that shape our feelings about change and progress. He concludes by encouraging listeners to evaluate their time investments and to prioritize actions that align with their ultimate ambitions.

Summary Notes

Competitive Mindset in Business

  • Speaker A reflects on a time when they observed a competitor spending leisure time with family, interpreting this as an opportunity to gain a competitive edge.
  • The speaker implies a willingness to sacrifice personal life for the sake of advancing in business.
  • Speaker A introduces their podcast, which focuses on selling strategies and building valuable businesses, mentioning and the desire to document their journey like famous entrepreneurs.

"I remember thinking, so how happy I was seeing that because I was like, this is when I'm going to kill you. Like, this is when I'm going to beat you. Is that every moment that you're not working on your business, I will get ahead of you."

The quote demonstrates the speaker's intense competitive drive and the belief that personal sacrifices are necessary to outperform competitors in the business world.

The Dynamics of Personal Relationships

  • Speaker A explores the concept of enduring negative interactions in a friendship, questioning how long one should wait for positive reinforcement.
  • The comparison is made between the enduring patience of parents and the limits of tolerance in other relationships.
  • The speaker discusses the concept of love as a measure of willingness to endure hardship in a relationship.
  • Speaker A challenges the notion that family bonds are unbreakable, suggesting that even these relationships have limits.

"The longer you're willing to wait is, the more love you have for the person. I see love as the measurement, like how much you love the person is how much you're willing to endure for the positive reinforcement."

This quote encapsulates the speaker's view on love and endurance in relationships, suggesting that the depth of love can be gauged by one's willingness to endure negative periods in anticipation of positive experiences.

Time Management and Task Prioritization

  • The speaker provides insight into their personal time management strategy, dividing the day into two halves and prioritizing tasks.
  • A reference is made to Benjamin Franklin's practice of dividing his day, which the speaker finds admirable.
  • The speaker explains the significance of dedicating blocks of time to tasks and the impact of these commitments on their schedule.

"If someone's gonna take 2 hours, they took a block, because, like, people don't switch tasks. Well, I don't, especially."

This quote illustrates the speaker's approach to managing time in discrete blocks, emphasizing the importance of dedicated focus and the reluctance to switch between tasks frequently.

Value in Relationships

  • Speaker A argues that the best way to maintain relationships is by providing continuous value to the other person.
  • The speaker questions why people maintain relationships that no longer serve them, highlighting the importance of mutual benefit.
  • The concept of changing relationships based on evolving personal needs and benefits is discussed, with a critique of societal expectations.

"The best way to maintain relationships is to continue to provide value to the other person. Because if you're both providing value, and ideally you both feel like you're getting the better end of the deal, then the relationship will continue indefinitely."

This quote emphasizes the speaker's belief that relationships should be sustained through mutual exchange of value, suggesting that this is key to long-lasting connections.

Societal Narratives and Personal Choices

  • Societal narratives shape our perception of friendship and leaving one's hometown.
  • The majority, who are often left behind, create the narrative that leaving is wrong.
  • This narrative can induce feelings of guilt in those who choose to leave.
  • Personal constructs of reality are often based on stories accepted as truth in childhood.
  • Emotional dissonance can occur when logical decisions conflict with ingrained societal stories.
  • The speaker emphasizes the importance of not compromising personal goals for societal expectations.

"The stories about friends leaving the hometown and no longer remember where they're from is one that is told by society, because society is the majority."

This quote highlights the idea that societal narratives are often crafted by the majority, who may have different experiences and perspectives from those who leave.

"And so if you feel bad about it, it's because there's a story that someone told you when you were little from the 99% that said, this is how the world is, and you believe to be true, and it's not."

The speaker points out that feelings of guilt or wrongdoing may stem from childhood stories told by the majority, which may not necessarily be true or applicable to everyone.

Self-Perception and Emotional Responses

  • Feeling bad about a decision can serve to reinforce one's self-image as a good person.
  • Guilt can be a way of reassuring oneself of their moral character.
  • Shedding identities is crucial in entrepreneurship and personal growth.
  • Questioning the reasons behind emotional responses can lead to self-awareness.

"So if you feel terrible about it, it's also because feeling terrible serves you in some way."

This quote suggests that negative feelings can have a self-serving purpose, such as affirming one's identity as a good person.

"And this is why shedding identities is such a core part of entrepreneurship, is that you have to be willing to say, I am no longer this way."

The speaker emphasizes the need for entrepreneurs to be willing to let go of previous self-identities to grow and accept new realities.

The Importance of Defining Terms

  • Language can be ambiguous, leading to misunderstandings.
  • People may use the same words but attach different meanings to them.
  • Defining terms like love, friendship, and behaviors is essential for clarity in communication and self-understanding.
  • Personal definitions can guide one's actions and choices, especially regarding relationships and time investment.

"And so two people, and this is why language gets really tricky, is that one person can say, I think humility is stupid, another person can say, I think humility is awesome."

The speaker illustrates how the same word, 'humility,' can have different interpretations, leading to contrasting opinions.

"And so when you define those things, the reason I give that lens of love of how much do I love them, how much am I willing to endure to keep this relationship?"

By defining key concepts for oneself, the speaker suggests it becomes easier to make decisions about personal relationships and how much effort to invest in them.

Time and Relationship Investment

  • Time is a valuable resource that can be traded for desired outcomes in life.
  • People must evaluate their relationships to determine where to best allocate their time.
  • Wealthy individuals understand how to trade their time effectively for the best returns.
  • Adjusting time investments can lead to personal growth and change.

"And so the people who become wealthiest understand how to trade their time for the best stuff."

This quote implies that successful individuals are adept at using their time in the most beneficial way, leading to wealth accumulation.

"And then you become different over time, because if you look at someone's calendar, you can see what their life is like."

The speaker suggests that examining how one spends their time can reveal a lot about their life direction and personal changes over time.

Personal Development Resources

  • The speaker recommends a book titled "100 million dollar offers" for personal development.
  • The book has received positive feedback and high rankings on Amazon.
  • It's suggested as a starting point for those interested in direct marketing and entrepreneurship.

"And I couldn't be happier with its number one ranking on Amazon for direct marketing and over 5005 star reviews."

The speaker expresses satisfaction with the success and positive reception of their recommended book.

"The Kindle book is audiobook is as low as they'll let me put it on for it. So I think it's $12."

This quote provides practical information about the availability and pricing of the book being recommended for readers and listeners.

Time and Commitment Management

  • The speaker equates their daily time and energy to a monetary value of $2, emphasizing the importance of judiciously allocating their limited resources.
  • They highlight the necessity of saying "no" to protect their time and pursue their goals.
  • The speaker acknowledges that this approach to time management may conflict with conventional teachings but justifies it by pointing out that those teachings come from people with different aspirations.

"I'm like, do I want to take half my dollar of the $2 I have for that day, half of it, and give it to this person? I'm like, I don't know."

This quote illustrates the speaker's internal debate about whether to spend their limited time on someone else's request.

"And the reason it's hard is because it's hard because it's against what we were taught, but we were taught by people who don't want to do what we want to do."

This quote explains the difficulty in saying "no" stems from diverging from societal norms, which were set by people with different life goals.

Personal Goals and Relationships

  • The speaker is determined not to compromise their goals for others, even if it means losing friendships.
  • They believe that life is shaped by what one tolerates and thus they want to surround themselves with people who share their ambition.
  • The speaker values friendships with people who strive for excellence and have similar aspirations.

"I love you, but you don't have to sit at my table because this is what I want to do with my life."

The speaker expresses that they prioritize their life goals over maintaining relationships that do not align with those goals.

"Your life becomes what you tolerate. And so it's like, if I want to have a fucking epic life, I want fucking epic people."

This quote highlights the speaker's belief that the quality of one's life is determined by the standards they set and the people they choose to include in it.

Excellence and Ambition

  • The speaker admires excellence in any field and seeks to connect with others who share a passion for being the best.
  • They draw parallels between different realms of success, suggesting that the pursuit of excellence is a universal concept.

"I can talk to a champion of bodybuilding and we can resonate on the fact that he wanted to be the best."

The quote reflects the speaker's appreciation for the dedication required to excel in any domain, not just their own.

Letting Go for Better Opportunities

  • The speaker discusses the difficulty of ending professional and personal relationships but suggests that doing so can lead to better outcomes for all parties involved.
  • They challenge the ego-driven assumption that one's presence is the best thing for another person, proposing that letting go can allow others to find more suitable matches or paths.

"But what if when you let them go, their lives get better? What if they find someone who's a better match for them?"

This quote encourages the idea of releasing people from relationships or jobs for the possibility of finding a better fit elsewhere.

"So then why would you not give them that choice or give them that option or that chance?"

The speaker questions why one wouldn't allow others the opportunity to improve their situation, especially when the current trajectory is negative.

Growth and Change

  • The speaker believes in the beauty of change and personal evolution, comparing it to a butterfly metamorphosis.
  • They recognize that different paths in life are valid and that the path of an entrepreneur or someone with big ambitions may require more frequent changes in relationships.

"And there's just different paths. Neither of them is wrong. But this path, especially if you're on the path less taken, the path of the entrepreneur, the path of somebody wants to build something that's real and crazy and big and epic and might not even happen it, then you have to be willing to walk a different path."

The quote acknowledges that pursuing unconventional goals may necessitate a different approach to life and relationships.

"And that means that you do have to shed friends faster, because you will grow and change into a different person."

This quote suggests that personal growth can lead to outgrowing certain friendships, which is a natural part of pursuing one's unique path.

Redefining Goals by Sacrifice

  • Goals are often articulated by what one wants to achieve, but not by what one is willing to give up.
  • Sacrifices are necessary to attain success and should be considered part of goal-setting.
  • A practical approach to understanding sacrifice is to evaluate one's calendar and time allocation.
  • The level of sacrifice correlates with the extent of one's commitment to their goals.

they should just redefine the thing as what they have to sacrifice in order to achieve it.

This quote emphasizes redefining goals in terms of the sacrifices required to achieve them, suggesting a shift in perspective from mere aspiration to the practical cost of success.

And so I think if we redefine our goals by the sacrifices we're willing to make to achieve it, like, what we are willing to put on the altar of our success, like, what we're willing to literally kill so that we can have the dream, it would make a lot more sense to people why they're not successful.

The speaker suggests that understanding and accepting the necessary sacrifices for success can clarify why some people do not achieve their goals.

Time Investment and Prioritization

  • Time is a limited resource, and how one spends their time reflects their priorities and commitment to their goals.
  • Giving up leisure activities may be necessary to free up time for goal-oriented tasks.
  • The allocation of time is indicative of what one truly values and is willing to work towards.

And so I think the easiest way to do it is literally look at your calendar, look at where you allocate your $24 bills per day, and say, like, am I investing in the things that are going to get me there?

The speaker compares daily time to a finite currency, suggesting that one should invest their time as they would money, with a focus on achieving goals.

Sacrifice as a Measure of Desire for Success

  • The willingness to make sacrifices is directly proportional to the desire to achieve greatness.
  • Sacrifices can be seen as investments in one's dream or goal.
  • Personal relationships and social life may be impacted by the pursuit of success.

How much do I love my goal? How much am I willing to endure or sacrifice or give up in order to maintain that relationship that I have with my dream.

This quote asks reflective questions about the level of commitment one has to their goal, equating sacrifice with the strength of their desire for success.

The Cost of Greatness and the Acceptance of Unconventionality

  • Achieving greatness often requires doing what others are not willing to do.
  • The path to success can be countercultural and may not align with societal norms or expectations.
  • Understanding and accepting that one's goals and methods may differ from others is crucial.

And so it's just the extent to which you're willing to sacrifice things that other people are not willing to sacrifice.

The speaker highlights that the degree of sacrifice distinguishes those who achieve greatness from the rest.

Competition and the Drive for Success

  • Competitive advantage can be gained by working while others rest.
  • Personal sacrifices can lead to professional advancement.
  • The speaker acknowledges a personal history of prioritizing business over social and family time.

This is when I'm going to kill you. This is when I'm going to beat you, is that every moment that you are not working on your business, I will get ahead of you.

The speaker expresses a competitive mindset, seeing another's leisure time as an opportunity to gain an advantage.

Different Goals and Lifestyles

  • Everyone has different goals and, consequently, different lifestyles that suit their objectives.
  • It is important to respect others' choices and acknowledge that one's own path may not be desirable to everyone.
  • Goals and priorities can change over time, and flexibility is key.

You live a fucking perfect life for you. I don't want your life. You don't want my life. Right. No, I would never want your life. Cool. So we're in agreement.

This quote illustrates the speaker's recognition of the subjective nature of success and the importance of individuality in life choices.

Endurance and the Willingness to Give Up

  • Framing goals in terms of what one is willing to stop doing can be more effective than adding new activities.
  • Everyone has the same amount of time each day, and prioritization is necessary for progress.
  • To move forward, one must identify and eliminate non-essential activities.

Something has to stop in order to move forward.

The speaker underscores the necessity of ceasing certain activities to make room for goal-oriented actions, reinforcing the theme of sacrifice for progress.

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