No. 1 Communication Expert: This Speaking Mistake Makes People Dislike You!

Vin Jang, an award-winning speaker and communication expert, discusses the transformative power of mastering communication skills, emphasizing that anyone can learn to be confident in any setting. Drawing from personal experiences, including overcoming childhood bullying and language barriers, Vin shares techniques such as the "siren technique" and "high-low-buffalo" game to enhance vocal and social skills. He highlights the importance of vocal variety, body language, and storytelling in connecting with others. Vin also reflects on balancing ambition with family life, inspired by his father's wisdom and journey to becoming a monk.

• Communication skills are essential for negotiating one's desired reality and significantly impact personal and professional success.
• Effective communication requires both technical skills and showmanship to convey ideas compellingly.
• Mastering communication can transform an individual's visibility and perceived value in various settings.

"I help people learn that they have access to one of the most beautiful instruments in the world that can help them negotiate whatever reality they desire."

• Communication is likened to an instrument that, when played well, can shape one's reality and interactions.

"By learning this skill, I've been able to negotiate an incredible reality."

• Proficiency in communication allows individuals to create opportunities and redefine their personal and professional lives.

• Many individuals struggle with communication due to past experiences, such as bullying or language barriers.
• The journey to effective communication involves overcoming psychological blocks and adopting new behaviors.
• Change in communication skills can occur within 3 to 6 months with dedication and practice.

"I was invisible my entire childhood... and by learning this skill, I've been able to negotiate an incredible reality."

• Personal experiences of invisibility can be transformed through communication skills, leading to a more empowered life.

"If you really want it, I'd say 3 to 6 months you think you can change your communication skills in a real way."

• A realistic timeline for transforming communication skills is achievable with motivation and practice.

• Vocal image refers to the impressions formed by how one speaks, which can reinforce or alter assumptions made based on visual image.
• Melody, volume, and rate of speech are key components that shape vocal image and influence how messages are received.
• Experimenting with vocal techniques can expand one's vocal range and enhance expressiveness.

"Most people go through life speaking like this... I'm going to teach you how to speak like this."

• The transition from a monotonous to a dynamic vocal style can significantly alter perceptions and engagement.

"Melody, volume, hand gestures... three simple things that they do create a profound change in how others perceive them."

• Simple changes in vocal delivery can dramatically shift how others perceive and respond to an individual.

• The siren technique helps individuals explore their vocal range by moving from low to high pitches within sentences.
• Adjusting the rate of speech can create auditory highlights, making communication more engaging and memorable.
• Volume modulation, including strategic use of quiet and loud tones, enhances the impact of spoken words.

"The siren technique is when you read with a really low voice and then gradually go to a high voice."

• This technique encourages exploration of vocal range, enhancing expressiveness and engagement.

"If you really want to highlight a point... slow down."

• Slowing down the rate of speech can emphasize key points, improving clarity and retention.

• Many individuals resist changing their vocal patterns due to a belief in a "natural voice" and fear of inauthenticity.
• The voice is shaped by early influences and habitual behaviors, which can be consciously altered.
• Overcoming these barriers involves recognizing the potential for change and embracing unfamiliar vocal behaviors.

"The voice you have right now is not your natural voice... you lost access to your natural voice when you were two or three."

• The concept of a "natural voice" is challenged, emphasizing the potential for vocal development.

"Don't be so attached to who you are in the present... you don't give the future version of you a chance."

• Encourages openness to change and growth in vocal expression to unlock new potential.

• Enhanced communication skills benefit various aspects of life, including parenting, professional environments, and personal relationships.
• Improv and playfulness are integral to effective communication, fostering creativity and adaptability.
• Communication skills are a foundation for creating meaningful connections and enriching interactions.

"One of my greatest superpowers is the ability to be playful and the willingness to be playful."

• Playfulness is highlighted as a valuable trait that enhances communication and engagement.

"If you can't communicate your value... it's not their responsibility to see the brilliance that exists within you."

• Emphasizes the importance of effectively communicating one's value to be recognized and appreciated.

• Utilizing facial expressions can significantly enhance emotional expression in voice tonality.
• Different emotions can be conveyed through specific facial expressions, which then translate into vocal expressions.
• Mirror neurons in the brain cause observers to feel the emotions they see, even in controlled environments.

"Your face is the remote control that allows you to add emotion into your voice."

• Facial expressions influence vocal tonality and can enhance emotional communication.

"When I see you go through these different facial expressions, I feel what you feel even though I know this is a situation we've created."

• Observers can feel emotions through facial expressions due to mirror neurons.

• Men are often taught to suppress emotions, leading to a lack of emotional expression in communication.
• This suppression can negatively impact relationships and communication effectiveness.
• Reacting with facial expressions rather than sound can be a powerful way to show engagement and understanding.

"I was taught to keep my emotions on the inside...it led me to the behavior of speaking whereas I just always speak like this because I'm a man."

• Societal norms often discourage men from expressing emotions, affecting their communication style.

"You don't have to react with sound...you can react with facial expressions and that is one of the most powerful ways to show them you're listening."

• Facial expressions can be an effective non-verbal communication tool.

• Effective storytelling involves more than just reporting facts; it requires reliving the story with vivid details.
• Including sensory details (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, smell) can transform a story from reporting to reliving.
• A storytelling formula includes a hook, struggle, breakthrough, and application.

"If you just give the who what where and when that's the basics people need but what turns up from reporting to reliving...is the ingredients that you just called out."

• Sensory details enhance storytelling by making it more vivid and engaging.

"The importance of application I think is something that I really focus on with my students."

• The application or takeaway from a story is crucial for its effectiveness and impact.

• The cycle of consuming knowledge without application leads to stagnation.
• Practical application of learned techniques is essential for true understanding and growth.
• Start by applying one technique at a time to avoid overwhelm and ensure effective learning.

"We just keep consuming knowledge and nothing actually changes because we're not applying it."

• Knowledge without application is ineffective; practical application is necessary for change.

"Pick one and just try it...watch the impact on the other human being as you play with your instrument."

• Focus on applying one technique to see real-world impact and understanding.

• Pausing can intensify the emotion conveyed before the pause and allows the audience time to process information.
• In music, a pause after a crescendo adds weight; similarly, in speech, it adds emphasis and clarity.
• Effective use of pause in communication can enhance the delivery and reception of the message.

"Whatever emotion comes before the pause once you pause it intensifies that emotion."

• Pausing enhances the emotional impact of a message and provides clarity.

"When you paused you gave me time to process the weight of what you're saying."

• Pausing allows the audience to absorb and reflect on the message being conveyed.

• Monotone voices can be perceived as boring; vocal variety is essential for engaging communication.
• Changing melody, pitch, and rhythm can prevent a sing-song voice and enhance sincerity.
• Vocal variety should be paired with body language to avoid a monotone presentation.

"If you keep following the same Rhythm you have a sing song voice."

• A sing-song voice can diminish sincerity; varying melody and pitch can enhance communication.

"A monotone voice comes from a monotone body."

• Physical expression is linked to vocal expression; both should be varied for effective communication.

• Record and review techniques can help individuals become more aware of their communication habits.
• Reviewing auditory, visual, and transcribed versions of a speech can reveal areas for improvement.
• Focus on one aspect of communication at a time to avoid overwhelm and encourage improvement.

"Record a video of yourself speaking for 5 minutes...leave it for a day."

• Recording and reviewing speech can reveal unconscious habits and areas for improvement.

"Get it transcribed because now you'll see the way you communicate from a different perspective."

• Transcribing speech can highlight verbal tics and improve clarity.

• Physical presence, including hand gestures, contributes to perceived executive presence.
• Using gestures within the "Power Sphere" enhances physical presence and authority.
• Avoid "T-Rexing" gestures; use the full range of motion to convey confidence and openness.

"A lot of people T-Rex it right the T-Rex it right don't T-Rex it just have your arms nice out and big."

• Full range of motion in gestures conveys confidence and enhances physical presence.

"If you want more Authority you use what's the second one called leveler leveler is hands facing down."

• Different hand gestures convey varying levels of authority and openness.

• Techniques like breathing exercises, brisk walking, and mindset shifts can prepare individuals for optimal performance.
• Reducing adrenaline and focusing on the audience rather than oneself can reduce nervousness.
• Lip trills and other vocal warm-ups can prepare the voice for speaking engagements.

"Have a way to calm your mind calm your body and get really focused."

• Pre-performance techniques can enhance focus and reduce nervousness.

"Think about the audience...how can I add the most value possible in this podcast."

• Focusing on the audience rather than oneself reduces self-consciousness and enhances performance.

• Different gestures convey different messages and can enhance or detract from communication.
• Gestures like "plator" (palms up) and "leveler" (hands down) convey openness and authority, respectively.
• Body language should be intentional and aligned with vocal expression for effective communication.

"This is plator try so you've got your hand for people that can't see you've got your hands Palm face up Palm face up and out plator."

• Open palm gestures convey openness and non-aggression.

"All of a sudden you got that executive presence that they're talking about."

• Proper use of gestures can enhance perceived authority and executive presence.

• Building a personal brand requires engaging content that is lively both vocally and visually. Many struggle because they believe they must maintain one authentic self, but adapting to different contexts is crucial.
• The idea of influence involves effort and work, similar to aspiring to be the best in any field.
• Communication has shifted significantly to video calls, making it essential to adapt and be more generous with energy during online interactions.

"Do you think Jimmy talks like that his everyday life? Do you think he goes home and he says to his partner, 'And next we're going to go to dinner, and for dinner, you're going to have three choices?' He doesn't talk like that, but he understands that in that context, for that medium, the message I'm trying to communicate, I have to play my instrument differently to achieve the outcome that I desire."

• This quote highlights the importance of adapting communication styles to fit different contexts, even if it means stepping outside one's usual mannerisms.

• Online communication demands a greater expression of energy to make others feel valued and engaged.
• Generosity in energy, along with proper camera placement and lighting, enhances online presence.
• Using external microphones and cameras can significantly improve the quality of online interactions.

"You have to give more of yourself if you want them to feel valued. You have to adopt a mindset of generosity."

• The speaker emphasizes the need to be more generous with one's energy to effectively communicate and engage others in virtual settings.

• Identity is often tied to how we communicate, including accents, which can shape perceptions of intelligence and competence.
• Articulation and pronunciation are more crucial than the accent itself in influencing perceptions.
• Changing one's speech patterns can be a deliberate choice to improve communication and overcome biases.

"I remember experiencing a negative experience with accent when I started to improve my articulation, and I wanted to improve my pronunciation. Everybody around me was saying, 'You're trying to be British.'"

• This quote illustrates the challenges faced when altering speech patterns and the societal pressures to conform to certain identities.

• Biases related to accents and identity can create barriers, but these can be overcome by focusing on skill development and excellence in communication.
• The concept of a "bamboo ceiling" for Asians in professional speaking is challenged by excelling in the craft and ignoring limiting beliefs.

"Be so good they can't ignore you."

• This quote encapsulates the idea of overcoming perceived limitations by achieving a high level of skill and proficiency that demands recognition.

• The "yes and" technique in conversations helps to build on ideas positively and avoid conflict.
• Starting meaningful conversations requires courage and can be facilitated by games like "High, Low, Buffalo," which create multiple conversational threads.
• Small talk is essential for forming relationships, and having frameworks like "3-2-1" or prepared questions can aid in navigating these interactions.

"The yes and is just when you acknowledge what they're saying and you're just building on top of it."

• This quote explains the "yes and" technique, which fosters a positive and collaborative conversational environment.

• Physical and vocal presence can prevent interruptions in conversations, and strategies like standing during meetings can assert one's presence.
• Mirroring someone's vocal and physical cues can build rapport quickly, but it's important to guide the interaction to a desired outcome.

"If everyone's sitting around a team meeting, stand when you're about to deliver your point because when you stand, you now have more physical presence."

• This quote provides a practical strategy for maintaining control and presence in a conversation, reducing the likelihood of being interrupted.

• Different cultures have varied expectations and norms regarding communication styles, which must be considered when applying communication strategies.
• Understanding and adapting to cultural nuances can enhance the effectiveness of communication and prevent misunderstandings.

"A motivational speaker from America coming to Australia doesn't work well because if they come to Australia, they're like, 'Oh, get on your feet, let's start.' Australians are very skeptical."

• This quote highlights the importance of adapting communication styles to fit cultural contexts to ensure receptivity and engagement.

• Understanding cultural norms is crucial when speaking in different countries to avoid miscommunication or offense.
• Personal anecdotes about cultural insensitivity highlight learning from mistakes and the importance of adaptability.

"Before you go and speak in a certain country, I think it's very important to go right, what are the cultural norms and expose yourself to them."

• Emphasizes the importance of researching and respecting cultural differences to connect effectively with diverse audiences.

• People often dislike their recorded voice and appearance due to differences in perception versus reality.
• Desensitization through repeated exposure can help overcome discomfort with one's voice and appearance.

"When you hear your own voice, you're hearing the vibrations through bone and muscle tissue... whereas when you open your mouth and you speak to another person, the medium is not muscle and bone, it's through air."

• Explains the physiological reason for the discrepancy in how we perceive our own voice versus how others hear it.

• Effective communication involves adapting one's style and energy to different contexts and audiences.
• Introverts and extroverts manage energy differently, impacting their communication style and social interactions.

"Most people just have one gear, and they'll bring that one gear, that one communication style to every interaction."

• Highlights the need for versatility in communication styles to suit various social situations and audiences.

• Desensitization and gradual exposure are key strategies in overcoming social anxiety.
• Contextual confidence can be developed by mastering communication skills that are universally applicable.

"Instead of picking something like magic and then using that as a crutch... communication skills is such a critical skill set."

• Advocates for developing intrinsic communication skills rather than relying on external props to boost confidence.

• The struggle between professional ambition and personal life, especially family, is a common challenge.
• Regular reflection and recalibration help in aligning actions with current personal values and goals.

"There's a pull between the entrepreneur in me and the dad in me and it's mutually exclusive."

• Describes the internal conflict between career aspirations and familial responsibilities.

• Teaching a skill can deepen one's understanding and proficiency in that area.
• Personal motivation, such as helping a family member, can drive the pursuit of mastery in a skill.

"A big part of my ambition in this chapter of life is to get so good at teaching this that I can help my son."

• Illustrates how personal circumstances can inspire dedication to mastering and teaching a skill.

• Material success and status can lead to dissatisfaction; finding peace may require detachment from material pursuits.
• Personal anecdotes highlight the realization that fulfillment often comes from non-material achievements.

"We want to become monks... we're suffering... we've been playing the money game and the status game."

• Reflects the decision to seek fulfillment through spiritual and non-material means after experiencing the limitations of material success.

• Beliefs can significantly influence one's perception and experience of reality.
• Choosing empowering beliefs can lead to a more optimistic and fulfilling life, even if those beliefs are not objectively true.

"You can negotiate whatever reality you desire right now in my own mind... and that belief has served me my entire life."

• Emphasizes the power of belief in shaping one's experiences and outcomes in life.

• Neutral ears provide a safe space to practice new communication skills without preconceived judgments.
• Gradual practice and feedback help refine and integrate new communication behaviors.

"Run it on some neutral ears and then you can play... you can go out in those instances and try out these new behaviors."

• Suggests using interactions with strangers as opportunities to practice and refine communication skills.

• Communication skills are vital in various life roles and can be continuously improved.
• The journey of self-improvement in communication is ongoing and impacts all areas of life.

"When you learn how to use your instrument and you show up on stage on the with the role that you're playing, play songs of love, kindness, and compassion."

• Encourages using communication skills to positively impact others and oneself across different life stages.