How To Actually Build Discipline - Gen. Stanley McChrystal

The conversation explores the themes of discipline, leadership, and personal growth, featuring insights from General Stanley McChrystal. McChrystal shares his challenging experiences at West Point, emphasizing the importance of discipline and self-awareness in leadership. He discusses the role of conviction and moral courage in shaping character and highlights how personal ambition can align with a sense of service. The discussion also touches on the influence of elite military units like the Rangers in setting high standards and the necessity of camaraderie in achieving difficult goals. The conversation concludes with reflections on humility and the balance between personal ambition and collective success.

• The speaker faced significant academic and disciplinary challenges during their first two years at West Point.
• They struggled with poor academic preparation and study habits, leading to a low grade point average.
• Disciplinary issues included disrespect toward a superior and incidents involving alcohol, resulting in punishment tours and confinement.

"I had two problems my first two years at West Point. The first was I wasn't as academically prepared as some students and I didn't have good study habits."

• The speaker acknowledges their lack of preparation and poor study habits as initial challenges at West Point.

"I got what they call a slug, and that was for disrespect toward a cadet superior."

• The speaker received a disciplinary action known as a "slug" for disrespect, highlighting the seriousness of their conduct issues.

"I got caught drunk. And so I got in significant trouble for that."

• An incident involving alcohol led to significant disciplinary action, demonstrating the speaker's recurring issues with discipline.

• The speaker reflects on their experiences, recognizing that their initial lack of discipline could have jeopardized their career aspirations.
• They emphasize the importance of valuing opportunities and the potential consequences of losing them.
• The speaker suggests that learning from experiences often requires time and perspective.

"If there are things that really matter, value them."

• The speaker underscores the importance of valuing meaningful opportunities and experiences.

"In the moment, I didn't learn a lot, but over time when I process it later..."

• The speaker highlights that valuable lessons often emerge with time and reflection, rather than immediately during challenging experiences.

• The discussion touches on the human desire for redemption stories, where individuals overcome challenges and emerge stronger.
• It explores the difficulty of learning lessons during challenging times and the impact of final impressions on memory.
• The peak-end rule from psychology is introduced, explaining how the most intense and final moments of experiences are most memorable.

"What we want as humans is a redemption story."

• Humans are naturally drawn to narratives of overcoming adversity and achieving redemption.

"The peak-end rule suggests that the most emotionally intense and final moment of any experience are the most salient."

• The peak-end rule explains why certain moments of experiences are more memorable, influencing how we perceive and learn from them.

• The speaker credits personal growth and discipline development to influential figures, including a tactical officer and a long-term partner.
• Encouragement from respected individuals played a crucial role in changing the speaker's perspective and motivation.
• The speaker's relationship with their future spouse provided stability and a reason to improve.

"I met the girl I'd now been married to for 48 years. And so she sort of helped get she gave me a reason to to sort of straighten up."

• The speaker's relationship with their spouse was a motivating factor in developing discipline and stability.

"My new tactical officer... said, 'I think you're going to be a great army officer.'"

• Encouragement from a respected tactical officer had a profound impact on the speaker's self-belief and motivation.

• Discipline is identified as a crucial factor in leadership and personal success.
• Self-discipline involves consistently doing what one believes they should, even in challenging circumstances.
• The speaker argues that discipline is a learned trait that distinguishes effective leaders from others.

"Discipline is the most important thing we have. And I when I talk about that, I start with self-discipline."

• Self-discipline is emphasized as the foundation of personal and professional success.

"The difference is who's willing to do it, particularly when they're tired or they're impatient or they're angry."

• The speaker highlights the challenge and importance of maintaining discipline in difficult situations.

• The speaker suggests that society does not emphasize discipline enough, and it is not an innate trait but one developed through experience.
• Discipline is seen as a predictor of success because it involves consistency, which many people struggle to maintain.
• The speaker refutes the notion that only certain individuals possess discipline, arguing it is accessible to anyone willing to develop it.

"We haven't inculcated it in society broadly enough. I think you don't just you're not just born with discipline."

• Discipline is not inherent but developed, and society should place greater emphasis on cultivating it.

"Discipline is essentially just consistency."

• Consistency is at the core of discipline, making it a powerful predictor of success.

• Military selection processes, such as those for the Army Rangers and Navy SEALs, are designed to identify individuals who demonstrate persistence and the ability not to quit.
• The majority of candidates self-select out rather than failing due to inability, highlighting the emphasis on mental resilience over technical brilliance.
• Courage is characterized by the commitment to act despite fear, aligning with the qualities sought in military candidates.

"The selection processes are designed to see who's persistent, who won't quit because that actually shows up later in times when you really need it."

• The focus is on identifying individuals who will persist under pressure, which is crucial in high-stress military situations.

"You don't need brilliant people. You need people who commit themselves to something and then won't turn away."

• Commitment and resilience are prioritized over intellectual brilliance in military selection processes.

• Stubbornness, when channeled correctly, can closely resemble discipline and contribute to personal and professional success.
• The distinction between stubbornness and discipline can be blurred, as both involve persistence and commitment to goals.

"If you can channel stubbornness in the right way, it gets perilously close to discipline."

• Stubbornness, when directed positively, can become a form of discipline, aiding in achieving long-term goals.

"Stubbornness and pride, those things interact and they do look a lot like discipline. And who's to say they're not?"

• The interaction between stubbornness and pride can mimic discipline, suggesting a reevaluation of these traits in achieving success.

• Post-Vietnam, the US Army faced significant challenges in rebuilding integrity and professionalism due to lowered standards during the war.
• Efforts to rebuild included increasing pay rates, establishing an all-volunteer army, and extending command tours for consistency.
• The formation of Ranger battalions aimed to set high standards and serve as a model for the rest of the army.

"Coming out of Vietnam, the US Army was a shambles. It literally had been torn to pieces."

• The Vietnam War left the US Army with diminished standards, necessitating comprehensive rebuilding efforts.

"The process of rebuilding the army had to start from the ground up. It had to start with basics like leadership, like professionalism."

• Rebuilding focused on foundational elements such as leadership and professionalism to restore the army's integrity.

• The formation of Ranger battalions in the 1970s was intended to establish high standards and influence the broader military.
• The Rangers' discipline, physical fitness, and appearance standards became a model for the rest of the army.
• The Rangers' success and standards had a ripple effect, influencing military practices and leadership across the army.

"He was forming two battalions where he could bring the best people he had together and raise the standards to what the standards ought to be across the army."

• The creation of Ranger battalions aimed to elevate military standards and serve as a benchmark for the army.

"The Rangers had this outsized effect. And then over time what happened is people who left the Rangers... tried to get their forces."

• The Rangers' influence extended beyond their ranks, as former members spread their high standards throughout the army.

• Achieving high standards requires a balance with gratitude to avoid a series of "miserable successes."
• The challenge lies in maintaining ambition while appreciating accomplishments and the journey.
• The sense of camaraderie and shared purpose within elite units like the Rangers contributes to personal fulfillment despite challenges.

"Balancing high standards for yourself with gratitude for what you've achieved... you don't want to look back on a career... and see sort of a series of miserable successes."

• Striking a balance between high standards and gratitude is essential for long-term satisfaction and fulfillment.

"The only thing worse than being in the Rangers was not being in the Rangers."

• The pride and satisfaction derived from being part of an elite unit like the Rangers outweigh the challenges faced.

• Camaraderie and shared purpose are crucial in motivating individuals to endure challenges and achieve high standards.
• The sense of belonging and mutual support within a group enhances resilience and commitment.
• The lack of camaraderie can make it difficult for individuals to sustain motivation and endure hardships.

"If there was only one ranger, that one guy would really struggle. There's no shared sense of suffering or celebration."

• The shared experience and support within a group are vital for enduring challenges and achieving success.

"When you do it as a team and when you're part of a wider movement... that means more than just the words that are there."

• Being part of a team or movement provides a sense of identity and purpose, enhancing motivation and resilience.

• Resentment and feelings of being ostracized can serve as powerful motivators initially, but over time, they become less efficient and can turn toxic.
• Personal growth may lead to the need for different sources of motivation beyond resentment.

"You can use that sort of resentment and that chip on your shoulder and this sense of being ostracized or left behind is real good fuel. But I get the sense that if you hold on to that fuel for too long, it becomes inefficient and for even longer than that, it becomes toxic."

• The speaker reflects on the transition from using resentment as motivation to seeking camaraderie and teamwork.

• The speaker discusses the shift from working alone to valuing teamwork and camaraderie.
• There is a critique of the glorification of the "lone wolf" mentality and an emphasis on the importance of having a supportive team.

"I wonder whether the sort of pedestalization of the lone wolf person going and doing it on their own is maybe encouraging people to stay in that mode for too long and where just how important the camaraderie and the sense of teamship is."

• The speaker acknowledges the value of teamwork and the joy of shared achievements and support during challenges.

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of the journey and the experiences along the way rather than solely focusing on achieving a specific goal.
• The concept of "gold medalist syndrome" is introduced, highlighting the existential crisis that can occur after achieving a major goal.

"When people don't understand that and they think the goal is to be X really the goal is life between here and there it matters."

• Achieving a goal doesn't necessarily equate to bliss, and reaching a goal can lead to questions about one's identity and purpose.

• There is a discussion on the societal view that obsession and hard work may be perceived negatively, but the speaker argues for the purity and satisfaction derived from dedication and striving for excellence.
• The importance of testing oneself and making choices to pursue challenging goals is highlighted.

"There is a certain purity and there's a certain satisfaction that comes with obsession. And it doesn't have to mean you're a jerking the rest of your life. You don't have a good relationship, but it means those things you want, you're willing to try really hard for."

• The speaker advocates for pushing oneself to the fullest potential to avoid future regrets.

• Character is described as the essence of who we are, formed by our convictions and the discipline to live by them.
• The speaker explains that character is developed through experiences and choices rather than being an innate trait.

"Character and I brought it down to a mathematical equation. It's what are our convictions, the things we believe in that we've really pressure tested and then the discipline we have to live up to it."

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of character both on an individual and societal level.

• There is an exploration of the tension between personal ambition and the desire to serve others.
• The speaker suggests that ambition can be synergistic with service if aligned with personal values and integrity.

"The most effective leaders I've seen are very ambitious. They are ambitious because they want to take on greater responsibilities. They want to be recognized. They want to prove to others and themselves that they can do things really well."

• Leaders can balance ambition with service by adhering to personal values and maintaining integrity.

• Leaders should focus on enabling their teams to succeed rather than seeking personal glory.
• The speaker stresses the importance of understanding and meeting the needs of team members to foster a collaborative environment.

"The leader doesn't do that much. They may be very busy, but in most organizations, the leaders aren't closest to the enemy, aren't closest to the customer, aren't closest to the client. And so what the leader really should be is a great enabler."

• Effective leadership involves creating shared incentives and fostering a sense of belonging within the team.

• The speaker discusses the duality leaders face, maintaining public confidence while managing private doubts and uncertainties.
• The story of Shackleton's Antarctic expedition is used to illustrate the internal struggles leaders face during crises.

"In his diary, Shackleton is writing about his sort of chronic uncertainty. He's just swimming in self-doubt and fear and he has no idea what he's doing. And then you hear from all of the other men in their diaries about what they hear from Shackleton when he steps out onto the field of play."

• Leaders must navigate their personal doubts while projecting confidence and direction to their teams.

• Admiral Stockdale's story is introduced as an example of resilience and leadership under extreme adversity.
• The speaker highlights Stockdale's ability to maintain self-esteem and leadership despite facing torture and captivity.

"He was a Navy aviator who was shot down in 1965 and he is a little bit older. So he had a little more education, a little more philosophy and faith. And so in captivity what he found was this case where you have no control over your environment."

• Stockdale's experience underscores the importance of internal fortitude and philosophical grounding in leadership.

• The Stockdale Paradox involves recognizing the harsh reality of a situation while maintaining faith in a positive long-term outcome.
• Leaders, like Shackleton, must acknowledge difficulties but inspire belief in eventual success among their followers.
• Effective leaders exhibit optimism and resilience, which fosters trust and commitment from those they lead.

"You need to recognize the absolute reality of your situation. The fact that you can't control certain things. It is what it is and you can't deny that. But at the same time, in parallel, you have to hold a belief in the long-term positive outcome that you need."

• This quote highlights the dual nature of the Stockdale Paradox, emphasizing the need to balance realism with optimism.

• Moral courage is distinct from physical courage, as it involves sustained effort over time rather than instantaneous reactions.
• It requires standing up for what is right, even at personal risk, and inspires others to do the same.
• Moral courage is crucial for leadership, as it demonstrates integrity and commitment to principles.

"Moral courage typically goes over a period of time and in most cases you're in a position where you've got a great reason to do other than what you sort of think you ought to do."

• The quote underscores the ongoing nature of moral courage, contrasting it with the immediate nature of physical courage.

• Leaders often face isolation in decision-making, especially when decisions are unpopular or misunderstood.
• The responsibility of command can lead to difficult choices that may not be appreciated by others.
• The example of General Wayne Downing illustrates the weight of leadership and the necessity of prioritizing long-term organizational goals over immediate concerns.

"I was amazed in the moment because I was one of his ops officers and I was able to watch it up close and that was a moment of the loneliness of command."

• This quote emphasizes the solitude and burden of leadership, particularly when making tough decisions.

• Convictions are deeply held beliefs that are examined and thoughtfully considered, not superficial or inherited ideas.
• True convictions are values that individuals are willing to live or die for, forming the foundation of character.
• The importance of personal reflection and critical examination of beliefs is emphasized.

"Convictions are things you should live for or if necessarily be willing to die for. And that's the bedrock that a real character is built on."

• The quote highlights the depth and significance of convictions in shaping one's character and actions.

• Obsession can drive individuals to achieve extraordinary accomplishments, despite personal sacrifices.
• Historical figures like Thomas Edison and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. exemplify how obsession can lead to significant societal contributions.
• The balance between ambition and personal fulfillment is a complex and personal consideration.

"If we didn't have people with obsession, we'd be a much poorer society. Not just materially, but emotionally because almost anyone that I know of that really created something special or did something hard, changed things was obsessed."

• The quote illustrates the value of obsession in driving innovation and societal progress.

• An extreme commitment to any trait or goal can lead to negative consequences and unpredictability.
• Balance and mindfulness are essential to ensure that one's pursuits align with long-term satisfaction and fulfillment.
• Diverse teams and relationships help individuals maintain perspective and avoid becoming overly singular in focus.

"The goal is to make sure that whatever it is that you're trying to achieve, whatever your conviction is applied to is something that you're not going to look back on with regret."

• This quote stresses the importance of reflection and balance in personal and professional pursuits.

• Genuine humility involves recognizing one's limitations and respecting the contributions of others.
• Humility fosters respect and cooperation within organizations and prevents arrogance.
• A sense of humor can offset the intensity of ambition, making leaders more approachable and resilient.

"Humility is key because it's respect. If you have humility, you are respecting that they bring something to the table and they might be they might bring more to it than you do."

• The quote highlights humility as a form of respect and its importance in fostering a collaborative environment.