World Leading Psychologist: How To Detach From Overthinking & Anxiety: Dr Julie Smith | E122

Dr. Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist with over three million followers, discusses the complexities of stress, burnout, and the unpredictability of human behavior with host Stephen Bartlett. She emphasizes the importance of addressing core beliefs and patterns in therapy to foster personal growth and improve relationships. Dr. Smith shares her journey to social media fame, motivated by a desire to make psychological education accessible, and reflects on the challenges of balancing public life with personal values. Her book, "Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?" offers practical mental health advice, highlighting the significance of values over goals and the impact of relationships on well-being.

• Dr. Julie Smith is a clinical psychologist with a significant online following, focusing on making mental health information accessible.
• She emphasizes the importance of understanding habitual behaviors and their impact on stress and burnout.
• Therapy is seen as a tool for identifying patterns and cycles in relationships and personal behavior.

"Those things that we end up doing habitually are the things that work instantly... actually the things that tend to work in the long term are hardest in the moment."

• This quote highlights the challenge of adopting long-term beneficial habits over instant gratification.

"Therapy is great for looking at the patterns and the cycles that people tend to feel stuck in in their relationship."

• Dr. Smith emphasizes therapy's role in breaking negative cycles and fostering personal growth.

• Dr. Smith did not have a traumatic childhood but was always fascinated by human behavior.
• She pursued psychology out of interest rather than a specific career goal.
• Her career advice is to follow one's interests to find fulfilling work.

"I've always been fascinated by people... I started studying psychology because I found it really interesting."

• Her passion for psychology stems from a genuine interest in understanding human behavior.

"Follow your interest, do the thing that excites you or that inspires you."

• She advises pursuing interests as a path to career satisfaction.

• Dr. Smith acknowledges predictability in human behavior but notes that individuals can still surprise.
• Therapy models are based on predictable patterns, yet each person's story and coping mechanisms are unique.

"There are certain patterns that can be predicted... but never assume anything because people will surprise you."

• This quote underscores the balance between predictability and individuality in human behavior.

• Dr. Smith uses social media to share mental health knowledge, feeling it should not be confined to therapy rooms.
• Despite initial reluctance, she found a positive response on platforms like TikTok.

"I felt that it was unfair that that knowledge should be kept and hidden away in the therapy room."

• Dr. Smith's motivation to share mental health information publicly stems from a desire for accessibility.

"The response was just overwhelming... people were checking in every day to see what the next video was."

• Her success on social media demonstrates the public's hunger for accessible mental health information.

• Dr. Smith continues to see patients but limits new clients due to time constraints.
• She values the personal connection of one-on-one therapy but recognizes the broader reach of social media.

"I could sit in this room and work with one person at a time or I could make a video and share this idea with potentially a couple of million people."

• This quote reflects the dilemma between individual therapy and reaching a larger audience through media.

• Dr. Smith discusses the challenges of handling negative feedback and the importance of managing emotional responses.
• She practices what she preaches by using coping strategies to handle public scrutiny.

"It's been really tough for me... I'm naturally a very introverted, shy person."

• Despite her introversion, Dr. Smith navigates public exposure for the greater good of sharing mental health insights.

"You're built to care what people think of you... it's about how you then manage it."

• She emphasizes the importance of managing reactions to criticism rather than trying to eliminate concern for others' opinions.

• Rejection can trigger core beliefs, often formed in childhood, affecting self-perception and relationships.
• Therapy can help uncover and address these beliefs to improve emotional well-being.

"Rejection taps into what we call a kind of core belief... they will influence how you feel and they'll influence how you behave."

• Core beliefs, often subconscious, significantly impact emotional responses to rejection.

"If rejection taps into what we call a kind of core belief... that's when you get that rush of psychological distress."

• Understanding core beliefs can help mitigate the distress caused by rejection.

• CAT explores early life relationships and their influence on adult behavior patterns.
• It involves mapping cycles of behavior to identify and break negative patterns.

"CAT is great for looking at the patterns and the cycles that people tend to feel stuck in in their relationships."

• CAT therapy helps individuals understand and alter ingrained behavioral patterns.

"You learn to sort of acknowledge it in hindsight first of all... then you get this chance to choose whether you go with it."

• Awareness of behavior cycles offers opportunities to make conscious choices and break negative patterns.

• Journaling can help identify and understand personal behavior patterns and core beliefs.
• While not a replacement for therapy, it can be a valuable tool for self-discovery.

"Things like journaling and reflecting on experiences and trying to look at patterns of behavior."

• Journaling is suggested as a method for self-exploration and identifying behavior patterns.

• Rapid platform growth can lead to feelings of imposter syndrome and perceptions of luck.
• Handling these perceptions involves maintaining self-awareness and confidence in one's expertise.

• The transition from a private life to a public figure can be uncomfortable and challenging, especially when it conflicts with personal values and family commitments.
• Balancing professional success with personal life often involves sacrifices, such as early mornings and limited family time.
• Public perception and media scrutiny can be overwhelming, prompting questions about the desire to continue in the public eye.

"It's been uncomfortable all the way along... it's way out of my comfort zone."

• The speaker describes the discomfort of becoming a public figure, highlighting the challenges of stepping outside one's comfort zone.

"I wanted to keep it as balanced as I could, which has been nearly impossible."

• Balancing public success with personal life is described as a significant challenge, indicating the difficulty of maintaining equilibrium.

"Do I stop that which feels in some degree a little bit selfish maybe and just focus on like making my life very private?"

• The speaker contemplates the idea of retreating from public life to preserve personal values and privacy.

• Success often comes with increased scrutiny and noise, which can detract from personal relationships and intrinsic values.
• There is a cultural narrative that associates success with fame and wealth, which may not align with everyone's personal goals.
• It's essential to regularly evaluate personal values and goals to ensure they align with one's life path and fulfillment.

"We're kind of taught to believe... that you should strive for riches and fame... actually they make things harder as well."

• The speaker challenges societal norms that equate success with fame and wealth, emphasizing the complexities they introduce.

"It's okay not to be extraordinary or it's okay not to stand out from the crowd or it's okay to want a quiet life."

• The narrative that a quiet, private life is acceptable is highlighted, encouraging individuals to define success on their terms.

"I need to stick to the reason that I started in the first place... I started to be helpful."

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of staying true to one's original motivations and values in the face of success.

• Values are enduring principles that guide one's life, while goals are specific achievements that can be completed.
• Regularly checking in on personal values and goals helps ensure alignment with one's life direction and fulfillment.
• Values can change over time due to life circumstances, and it's crucial to adapt and reassess them as needed.

"A goal is something that... once you achieve it, it's done. A value doesn't finish or end."

• The distinction between goals and values is clarified, with values being lifelong guiding principles.

"You can look at what's important to you... and what areas of your life do I need to pay attention to."

• The importance of evaluating and aligning one's life with personal values is discussed as a tool for fulfillment.

"Your values will change... my values transformed when I had children."

• The speaker acknowledges that values evolve with life changes, such as parenthood, necessitating regular reassessment.

• Meaningful change is often gradual and involves reflection, small actions, and continual reassessment.
• Sustainable change is achieved through developing habits and making incremental adjustments rather than drastic shifts.
• Understanding the link between actions, moods, and behaviors can facilitate positive changes in one's life.

"Big meaningful change is not made drastically and quickly... sustainable change is made carefully."

• The speaker emphasizes that lasting change is a gradual process, requiring careful planning and execution.

"Sometimes the quickest way to impact on your mind is through your body."

• The role of physical actions, such as exercise and music, in influencing mood and mindset is highlighted.

"You can utilize those to create even small shifts in the moment... a small shift can just change direction."

• Small, actionable changes are presented as powerful tools for redirecting one's life and mood.

• Adequate sleep is crucial for maintaining mood, performance, and overall well-being, despite societal pressures to prioritize productivity over rest.
• Motivation can fluctuate, especially when tasks become extrinsically motivated, emphasizing the need to reconnect with intrinsic values.
• Recognizing signs of overload and adjusting accordingly can help maintain motivation and avoid burnout.

"If I've not had enough sleep... it will impact on how I feel and it'll impact on my performance."

• The speaker discusses the negative effects of sleep deprivation on mood and effectiveness.

"Motivation is something I can't rely on anyway... it's a feeling and it comes and goes."

• The transient nature of motivation is acknowledged, highlighting the need for intrinsic values to sustain efforts.

"That for me that's a sign of overload... and that in turn influences your motivation."

• Overload and its impact on motivation are discussed, emphasizing the importance of balance and self-awareness.

• Overload is a common feeling many experience due to societal pressures and idealizations.
• People often feel compelled to meet unrealistic standards of being the "ideal" in various roles, leading to feelings of failure and inadequacy.
• It's essential to recognize personal limits and accept that it's okay to have smaller, personal goals that align with one's values.

"I think it's awareness of every job has its ups and downs. I can't rely on feeling like it all the time. I have to remember why I started it and the values behind it to keep me going."

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of grounding oneself in values and initial motivations to navigate through the ups and downs of any endeavor.

"We're subjected to these kind of ideals of everything...we then just overextend...it's impossible, and then we feel terrible and we feel like we're failing."

• The unrealistic societal ideals create pressure, leading individuals to feel overextended and inadequate.

• Success can bring additional pressures and demands on one's time and resources.
• It's crucial to have a personal barometer, such as family or core values, to guide decisions and maintain balance.
• Making decisions based on values rather than societal expectations helps in maintaining personal integrity and well-being.

"My barometer is always my family...I will only ever do as much as I can do while I'm being the mum I want to be."

• The speaker uses family as a central point to measure and balance professional commitments, ensuring alignment with personal values.

• Emotions need careful handling; neither completely ignoring nor fully indulging them is beneficial.
• Therapy involves equipping individuals with tools to manage emotions safely and effectively.
• Recognizing and addressing emotional blockages is key to preventing destructive coping mechanisms.

"There are people who when they experience emotion, it's quite unsafe for them...there's a process of gearing people up with the tools."

• Therapy provides a structured approach to equip individuals with the necessary tools to handle emotions safely.

"Often it's hidden in the behavior...it's always about looking at it with curiosity, not judgment."

• Understanding the underlying functions of behaviors helps in addressing emotional blockages without judgment.

• Stress and unaddressed emotions can manifest physically, affecting health and behavior.
• Recognizing changes in behavior can be indicative of underlying emotional issues needing attention.
• Engaging in honest self-reflection can help identify and address these issues.

"The only times I ever got sick or my skin ever got bad were on like two days after those really high-stress moments."

• Stress can have delayed physical effects, highlighting the importance of addressing emotional stressors.

• Social media has played a role in reducing stigma around mental health by facilitating conversations.
• Personal experiences shared online can encourage others to seek help or adopt healthier coping strategies.

"Social media has had a lot to do with actually...it's enabled people to start having a conversation that they wouldn't dream of having face-to-face."

• Online platforms provide a space for open discussions about mental health, contributing to stigma reduction.

• Confidence grows when individuals are willing to step outside their comfort zones and face vulnerability.
• Self-esteem is not just about positive affirmations but involves self-compassion and realistic self-assessment.
• Actions and experiences provide the evidence needed for building genuine self-esteem.

"Confidence cannot grow if we are never willing to be without it."

• Confidence requires embracing vulnerability and stepping into situations where one may initially lack confidence.

"Your brain works like a scientist with evidence through action...if you want to start to feel better about yourself, the best way to do that is through action."

• Building self-esteem involves taking actionable steps that provide evidence of one's capabilities and worth.

• Emotions should be approached with curiosity rather than judgment, providing insights into personal experiences.
• Thoughts are not inherently reflective of one's identity; they are ideas to be analyzed for their validity.
• Developing a healthy relationship with thoughts and emotions involves recognizing them as separate from one's identity.

"Emotions get judged...if we can look at emotions with curiosity instead...that's one of the things I've come to learn."

• Viewing emotions with curiosity allows for a deeper understanding and healthier emotional processing.

"We are not our thoughts...we can hold them out in front of us and analyze them for validity."

• Recognizing thoughts as separate from oneself helps in managing them effectively, especially in high-emotion situations.

• Affirmations can be helpful when they are instructional and provide guidance through difficult situations.
• They are less effective for changing core beliefs, especially in individuals with low self-esteem or confidence.

"Affirmations can be more helpful when they're instructional, when they're about, you know, when this do this and it will help you get through this difficult situation."

• Instructional affirmations can provide practical support in challenging moments, unlike general positive affirmations.

• Breath work is a simple yet powerful tool to manage anxiety, often introduced early in therapy.
• Techniques like box breathing can help slow down the anxiety response by regulating breathing patterns.

"If you can slow your breathing down, you can slow the whole process down."

• Slowing your breath can effectively reduce anxiety by calming the body's physiological response.

"Box breathing or square breathing...is just one way of when you're out to give you a visual focus that can help you to just monitor, okay, and now I'm breathing in, now I'm breathing out."

• Box breathing provides a structured way to focus on breathing, helping to manage panic and anxiety in public spaces.

• Modern stress often triggers a fight or flight response similar to prehistoric times, affecting breathing patterns.
• Understanding the evolutionary basis of stress responses can help individuals consciously override automatic reactions.

"When someone explains it to me in scientific terms, I buy in...our breath changes, and when someone explains it to me in scientific terms, I buy in."

• Scientific explanations of stress responses can increase acceptance and practice of breath work techniques.

• Breath work is often underestimated because of its simplicity, but it can have a profound impact on stress management.
• People often seek complex solutions, overlooking simple, effective tools like breath work.

"We really underestimate things like breath work and slow breathing because they seem too simple."

• Simplicity in stress management techniques can lead to significant improvements, despite a tendency to seek complex solutions.

• Modern life often contradicts basic human needs, leading to stress and disconnection from natural living.
• Emphasizing fundamentals like sleep, nutrition, and exercise can help restore balance and well-being.

"It's making me live like some kind of cyborg that doesn't have emotions...we actually just need to get back to being humans again."

• The disconnection from basic human needs in modern society can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed and emotionally detached.

• Privilege offers the ability to make choices that align with personal values and reduce stress.
• Not everyone has the luxury to eliminate stress, but where possible, exercising choice can lead to healthier living.

"The thing about privilege is that you then get to choose what's going to be most healthy for me here."

• Privilege allows for choice in stress management, which can lead to a more meaningful and balanced life.

• Accepting mortality can provide meaning and urgency to life, enhancing appreciation for each moment.
• Recognizing life's scarcity can lead to more value-driven decisions and reduce regrets.

"The idea that that can be a source of meaning...it can be a reason why you get up and you go with that value of enthusiasm today."

• Understanding mortality can motivate living with intention and gratitude, enhancing life satisfaction.

• Relationships are fundamental to human well-being, often central to therapy discussions.
• Quality relationships can significantly impact stress resilience and overall life satisfaction.

"It is the fabric of us, isn't it? It's what we kind of live for in many ways."

• Relationships are essential for emotional health and can influence how individuals cope with stress.

• Social media often sets unrealistic expectations for relationships, leading to dissatisfaction.
• Understanding that relationships require effort and can have unique dynamics is crucial for healthy connections.

"Social media has made perfect look so normal."

• Unrealistic portrayals on social media can distort perceptions of what constitutes a healthy relationship.

• Happiness is not a constant state but fluctuates with life's circumstances.
• Appreciating the present setup of life and being prepared for its ups and downs can contribute to overall contentment.

"Sometimes I'm really happy, sometimes I'm ecstatic, other times I feel really sad or frightened or stressed, and that's okay."

• Accepting the transient nature of happiness can lead to a more balanced and resilient approach to life.

• If freed from obligations, individuals often desire more time in nature and with family.
• The constraints of daily life, like work and school, limit these opportunities.

"If I didn't have to do anything, I'd probably spend more time at the beach."

• The desire for more leisure and family time reflects the importance of balancing responsibilities with personal fulfillment.