Jada Pinkett Smith (EXCLUSIVE) “I just wanted to stay ALIVE until 4pm!”, “Me & Will Are NOT Together”, “Tupac Kissed Me TWICE!”

Summary Notes


In this profound conversation with Jada Pinkett Smith, the multifaceted actress and seeker opens up about her tumultuous journey, from grappling with a cycle of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts to finding solace through Ayahuasca ceremonies. Jada reflects on her challenging upbringing with drug-addicted parents in Baltimore, her close yet platonic relationship with Tupac Shakur, and the complexities of her marriage to Will Smith, including navigating public scrutiny and personal discontent. She candidly discusses the pivotal moments of her life, such as the infamous "entanglement" revelation and Will's "holy slap" incident, revealing the deeper layers of emotion and the quest for self-worth beneath her actions. Throughout, Jada emphasizes the importance of self-discovery, surrendering to a higher power, and the lessons learned from vulnerability and connection.

Summary Notes

Cycle of Self-Hatred and Dark Times

  • Jada Pinkett Smith discusses a personal period of self-hatred and darkness.
  • She mentions a desire to make a negative event appear accidental to protect her children's perception of her.

"I was in a cycle of self hatred, and it was just a really dark time. I went out and I knew I had to make it look like an accident because I did not want my kids to think that I had committed."

The quote highlights Jada's emotional struggles and her concern for how her actions would be perceived by her children, particularly in relation to her children's understanding of her actions.

Early Life Challenges

  • Jada was the daughter of two drug-addicted parents and was a teenage drug dealer.
  • She experienced a tough upbringing in Baltimore and aspired to be a notable female drug dealer.
  • A significant turning point was when she was set up and had guns pointed at her, leading to a wake-up call.

"I really thought I was going to be the next big time female drug dealer. I was absolutely fearless. But getting two 9 mm pointed at..."

The quote illustrates Jada's fearless attitude in her youth and her ambitions within the drug-dealing scene, which were abruptly challenged by a life-threatening situation.

Dismantling Defenses

  • Jada speaks about the process of dismantling her defenses and finding herself in a vulnerable state.
  • She reflects on the impact of an incident referred to as "the holy slap" and discusses the concept of protection as a love language.

"Somebody set me up. And then I had to always have this tough exterior. Now, as I'm dismantling my defenses, I'm in a really raw place."

This quote conveys Jada's transition from maintaining a tough exterior as a defense mechanism to confronting her vulnerabilities and the emotional rawness that comes with it.

Family Dynamics and Impact on Self-Worth

  • Jada's parents' addiction and young age contributed to her feeling of being a low priority, affecting her self-worth.
  • Her grandmother provided a positive reflection and a sense of importance, which was crucial for her development.
  • Jada's father's honesty about his inability to be a father due to his addictions was both appreciated and impactful on her future relationships.

"The first mirror I had was kind of nonexistent in a way because drugs were my parents priority during my upbringing and so I didn't really get the reflection of feeling like a priority to the people who brought me into the world."

Jada's quote reveals the emotional neglect she felt as a child due to her parents' addictions, which failed to provide her with a sense of being valued and prioritized.

Search for Identity and Purpose

  • After her grandmother passed, Jada sought a sense of home, tribe, power, identity, purpose, and worth in the streets.
  • Her father explicitly told her at the age of seven that he could not be her father due to his addictions and criminal lifestyle.
  • Jada aspired to be an actress from a young age and found validation and an outlet for expression through the arts.

"Once she passed that's when I took to the streets to figure out finding my home, finding my tribe, finding my power, finding my identity, finding my purpose, finding my worth."

The quote encapsulates Jada's journey of self-discovery and the lengths she went to find a sense of belonging and self-worth after the loss of her grandmother's supportive presence.

Acting as an Outlet and Therapy

  • Jada viewed acting as both a source of validation and an emotional outlet, allowing her to express feelings she couldn't at home.
  • The discussion touches on the therapeutic aspect of acting, especially for those with difficult childhood experiences.

"It was a real outlet for me, where I was able to express certain feelings that I didn't feel like I had the permission to express at home."

This quote highlights the role of acting in Jada's life as a means to channel and express complex emotions that were otherwise suppressed in her personal environment.

Understanding Family History and Its Effects

  • Jada learned about the extent of domestic violence her mother endured from her father only later in life.
  • Understanding her mother's experiences helped Jada comprehend the impact on her own life and the imprints left on her.

"You don't get over things in the sense of, like, it's forgotten. You learn to cope with it."

Jada's quote reflects on the lasting emotional impact of traumatic experiences and the process of coping rather than forgetting such events.

The Streets as a Source of Security

  • Jada viewed the streets as a source of security, power, and independence, aspiring to the lifestyle of high rollers and hustlers.
  • She recognized that her environment normalized a level of danger and vigilance that would be considered extreme elsewhere.

"The streets, that's where I saw security because we didn't have doctors and lawyers to look upon. That's the aspiration, right?"

The quote illustrates Jada's perspective on finding security and aspiration in the lifestyle of the streets, given the lack of conventional role models in her community.

Wake-Up Calls and Hollywood Preparation

  • A robbery attempt where Jada had guns pointed at her head was a significant wake-up call.
  • She later reflects on how her street experiences prepared her for Hollywood, instilling fearlessness and resilience.

"Getting two 9 mm pointed at you at one time, one to your head. You would think that's a big wake up call, Jada."

This quote underscores a pivotal moment in Jada's life that served as a stark reality check, forcing her to reevaluate her path and the dangers she faced.

Early Career Attitude and Hollywood Reception

  • Jada Pinkett Smith initially had a tough exterior and a "no fucks to give" attitude in her early career.
  • This demeanor was seen as both refreshing and standoffish in Hollywood.
  • She was perceived as rough around the edges, not fitting the typical "prim, proper, demure young lady" image.

"Rough around the edges? Yeah. Because, I mean, it was part of what was refreshing for a lot of people, but it was also the thing that was standoffish, too. Right?"

This quote highlights how Jada's unique personality was a double-edged sword in her early Hollywood career, making her stand out but also potentially hindering her acceptance in the industry.

Learning to Adapt in Hollywood

  • Jada Pinkett Smith had to learn to "turn that shit off" and show different aspects of herself to succeed in Hollywood.
  • Warren Beatty played a pivotal role in advising her to let her charm and smile shine through instead of the tough exterior.
  • This advice marked the beginning of Jada's journey to balance staying true to herself while adapting to Hollywood's environment.

"Warren Beatty, bless him, he was probably one of the first people that was just like, hey, you're in Hollywood now, okay, I get it. But why don't you allow people to see some other aspects? That charm you have, that smile you have."

Jada credits Warren Beatty with helping her realize the importance of showing her softer side in Hollywood without compromising her true self.

The Impact of Emotional Barriers

  • Jada Pinkett Smith acknowledges that her defensive demeanor made it difficult to form connections and often led to misunderstandings.
  • She discusses the experience of feeling unlovable and how it drove her to put up emotional walls.
  • These barriers were both a means of protection and a hindrance to forming meaningful relationships.

"I still, to this day, people like, I still to this day have to manage that, because it's just in me. It's just part of me, because it was such a. It was something that was built at the foundation."

This quote reflects on the long-term impact of Jada's defensive attitude, which originated from her need to protect herself, and how it continues to affect her ability to connect with others.

Relationship with Tupac Shakur

  • Jada Pinkett Smith and Tupac Shakur shared an immediate and deep connection from the first day they met.
  • Despite public speculation, their relationship was never physically intimate but was characterized by emotional and intellectual intimacy.
  • Their similar backgrounds allowed them to understand each other without the usual barriers of misunderstanding.

"From that moment on, we just connected. It was as if we already knew each other. It's crazy."

This quote describes the instant and profound bond between Jada and Tupac, highlighting the rare and deep connection they shared from the very beginning.

Tupac's Authenticity and Impact

  • Tupac Shakur's ability to emotionally connect with people through his music and persona is attributed to his authenticity and raw expression.
  • Jada Pinkett Smith admired his intelligence and the way he could represent a wide range of emotions, from rage to sympathy.
  • Tupac's willingness to be vulnerable and authentic resonated with many and allowed him to speak for and to the community.

"He wore his heart on his sleeve and he could join you. And so what I mean by joining you is that he's not talking at you, he's talking with you."

Jada emphasizes Tupac's unique ability to empathize with others and communicate from a place of shared experience, which made his music and message so powerful.

Meeting Will Smith and Initial Impressions

  • Jada Pinkett Smith first met Will Smith when auditioning for "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" but was deemed too short for the role.
  • Her initial impression of Will Smith was that he lacked depth because he did not fit her then-idea of a "troubled" person, which she equated with depth.
  • A later encounter with Will Smith at a meal revealed his grounded nature, ambition, and the wide range of his personality, challenging Jada's first impression.

"And I got to see a totally different side of Dwayne."

Jada's revelation about Will Smith's character underscores the importance of not judging someone based on first impressions and being open to discovering their true depth.

Personal Struggles and Mental Health

  • Jada Pinkett Smith experienced a significant mental health crisis in her early 20s, which she describes as a personal earthquake.
  • The overwhelming emotional and physical response led her to a point where she feared for her own safety and needed support from her mother and friend Mc Lyte.
  • This moment was a turning point in recognizing the need to address underlying issues rather than ignoring them.

"I think my body was telling me that. I think my mind was telling me, hey, we have some things we got to pay attention to up here."

The quote reflects on the critical moment when Jada's body and mind demanded that she confront her mental health struggles, marking a pivotal point in her personal growth and self-awareness.

Mental Health and Cultural Stigmas

  • Jada Pinkett Smith discusses her confusion and fear during a time when mental health was not widely discussed in the Black community.
  • She felt isolated in her struggle, believing that mental health issues, and suicide in particular, were considered "white people" problems.
  • Jada emphasizes the importance of recognizing that mental health issues do not discriminate and that everyone can be affected.

"And specifically, mental health was considered, like a white people thing. Black people don't have mental health issues. Right. And so suicide for sure was a white people thing."

The quote highlights the misconception that mental health issues are exclusive to certain races, which can lead to feelings of confusion and isolation for those who do not fit the stereotype.

Coping Mechanisms and the Illusion of Perseverance

  • Jada acknowledges that her way of dealing with mental health issues was to "keep it moving," a common response that can lead to ignoring and suppressing problems.
  • She recognizes that this approach is unsustainable, as issues will eventually need to be addressed.
  • Jada sought professional help by seeing a psychiatrist and starting therapy, while still maintaining her work and not revealing her struggles to people outside her close circle.

"You can deal with it or it will deal with you. Those are your two choices."

This quote emphasizes the inevitability of confronting mental health issues, suggesting that one can either proactively address them or be forced to deal with the consequences later.

The Impact of Celebrity and Personal Relationships

  • Jada Pinkett Smith reflects on her relationship with Will Smith, starting with a bold phone call he made after receiving divorce papers.
  • She also shares the emotional turmoil of her close friend Tupac Shakur's time in jail, his marriage proposal, and his eventual death.
  • Jada candidly discusses the raw emotions she still feels when remembering these moments and her current process of "thawing out" from past traumas.

"It feels like I just came back from seeing Pac at Rikers and I had to leave him there. It was just like yesterday."

The quote conveys the lasting emotional impact of a significant event in Jada's life, illustrating how certain memories and feelings can remain vivid over time.

Dealing with Loss and Grief

  • Jada Pinkett Smith talks about the concept of "unmourned loss," referring to the unresolved grief she has experienced.
  • She recounts the loss of two significant people in her life, Tupac Shakur and her friend Maxine, who committed suicide.
  • Jada expresses the difficulty of reconciling with the idea of life's inherent tragedies and the process of making peace with them.

"I'm still working out my relationship with grief, actually, I haven't really. Yeah, I'm still working that out."

This quote reveals Jada's ongoing struggle with grief, indicating that it is a complex and continuous process.

Reflections on Life, Success, and Inner Fulfillment

  • Jada Pinkett Smith describes the dichotomy of her external success and internal spiritual bankruptcy.
  • She discusses the importance of conflict resolution in relationships and how it can predict long-term health.
  • She highlights the different love languages between her and Will Smith, emphasizing the need for balance in a relationship rather than insisting on one's way being right.

"Internally, I was spiritually bankrupt."

The quote underscores the disparity between Jada's outward achievements and her inner sense of fulfillment, suggesting that success does not necessarily equate to happiness or spiritual well-being.

The Paradox of Pain and Connection

  • Jada Pinkett Smith reflects on the irony of how pain can both disconnect and connect people.
  • She shares her experience with Lauren London, widow of Nipsey Hussle, and how their shared loss created a deep bond.
  • Jada believes in the transformative power of heartbreak to lead to either darkness or light and chooses to seek the light amidst pain.

"Because heartbreak, there's this beautiful seed in heartbreak, which is like, it breaks you open."

This quote metaphorically describes the potential for growth and connection that can come from the vulnerability caused by heartbreak.

Time and Commitment in Relationships

  • Jada Pinkett Smith and her partner took three decades to reach a certain level of understanding in their relationship.
  • There is a notion of postponing connection in a relationship for the sake of career focus.
  • The idea of "connecting later" is challenged, and the importance of love and being loved is emphasized as what one would reflect on their deathbed.

"And so it took will and I. Three decades." "Yeah, we'll connect later. It's like, what kind of foolishness is that?" "What do you think you're going to think about most when you're on your deathbed? How you were loved and how you loved?"

The quotes express the time it took for Jada and her partner to build their relationship, the flawed concept of delaying emotional connection, and the ultimate realization that love is the most significant aspect one considers at life's end.

Workaholism and Avoidance of Intimacy

  • The speaker admits to using work as an excuse to avoid intimacy and dealing with personal issues.
  • Emotional intimacy requires confronting one's own "stuff" and is where true connection and happiness lie.
  • The term "toxic" is discussed with caution due to the common wounds people share.

"It's an excuse, though, isn't it? It is an excuse to justify my own toxic workaholism." "Listen, when intimacy makes us have to look at our shit, right."

These quotes highlight the use of work as a justification to avoid intimacy and the necessity of facing personal issues for genuine emotional closeness.

Loss of Identity and Resentment in Marriage

  • Jada Pinkett Smith felt she lost her identity and became resentful during her marriage.
  • She initially believed that by supporting her partner's dreams, she would eventually achieve her own desires for connection.
  • It is emphasized that one cannot rely on their partner for personal happiness; self-connection is crucial.

"You talk of this loss of identity when you married Will..." "I felt as though at that time, all right, I want to help you do all of those things. I'm here to help you with that."

The quotes reflect Jada's feelings of losing herself while supporting her partner's ambitions and the realization that happiness cannot be found solely through another person.

Personal Responsibility for Happiness

  • Jada Pinkett Smith discusses the importance of finding happiness within oneself rather than seeking it from external sources.
  • She shares the hard lesson that it is not her partner's responsibility to make her happy.
  • The concept of "checking the boxes" in a relationship is criticized for creating false expectations.

"It is not his responsibility to make you happy. He can't. It's impossible." "You get to have your dream. How come I'm not having mine?"

These quotes convey the realization that one's happiness cannot be dependent on their partner and that fulfilling societal expectations does not guarantee personal fulfillment.

The Journey to Self-Discovery and Healing

  • Jada Pinkett Smith talks about her journey of self-discovery, which involved facing her inner fears and false beliefs.
  • She mentions the need to dismantle the pursuit of perfection, especially in the context of Hollywood.
  • Her 40th birthday marked a significant turning point, where she faced a chronic state of discontent despite outward appearances of a perfect life.

"I had to get to the bare bones of Jada and walk what I call the exiled lands." "I was in a very dark place. Very dark place."

The quotes describe the deep introspection and struggle Jada went through to confront her internal issues and the disparity between her internal state and external life.

The Role of Ayahuasca in Personal Transformation

  • Jada Pinkett Smith credits Ayahuasca ceremonies for helping her see and break the cycle of self-hatred.
  • Her son introduced her to the concept, which led to a profound psychological shift and healing.
  • The experience helped her understand that the desire for death is sometimes a call for a psychological change, not a literal end.

"The medicine really showed me this pit of self hatred I was in, and it helped me get out of it." "Something is asking to die, but not you..."

These quotes reveal the transformative impact of Ayahuasca on Jada's mental state and her interpretation of suicidal thoughts as a metaphor for the death of negative psychological patterns.

Surrender and Spiritual Growth

  • Jada Pinkett Smith emphasizes the importance of surrender in her spiritual journey.
  • She relates surrender to both letting go of personal preconceptions and submitting to a higher power.
  • The concept is likened to principles found in recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous.

"You have to surrender everything you think you are and everything you think you know."

The quote summarizes the act of surrender as a relinquishment of ego and an embrace of spiritual guidance.

Public Perception and Personal Accountability

  • Jada Pinkett Smith reflects on public reactions to personal events and her own responsibility in them.
  • She discusses the "entanglement" conversation and the repercussions of sharing it publicly.
  • The concept of martyrdom and its negative impact on personal relationships is explored.

"I was like, well, I just wanted to end everything." "Martyrdom that I will."

These quotes discuss the struggle with public perception and the internal realization of unhealthy patterns of self-sacrifice.

The Oscars Incident and Its Aftermath

  • Jada Pinkett Smith provides insight into the Oscars incident involving Will Smith and Chris Rock.
  • She discusses the complexity of the situation, including the history between Will and Chris, and the personal factors at play.
  • The incident is contextualized within the broader narrative of Will's emotional state and their relationship dynamics at the time.

"It's a really complex moment." "And there was a lot that was stirring up for him at that time because of emancipation."

The quotes address the multifaceted nature of the Oscars incident and the emotional undertones that influenced the actions taken.

The Value of Sharing Personal Stories

  • Jada Pinkett Smith's book "Worthy" is praised for its vulnerability and the wisdom it imparts to readers.
  • The book acts as a guide, offering insights into human imperfections and survival strategies.
  • The discussion highlights the importance of understanding context to empathize with others and recognize shared human experiences.

"Because it's not until we understand people's context that we understand them." "It's your story. But throughout your story, you leave these little nuggets of wisdom and lessons..."

These quotes highlight the book's ability to provide perspective on personal growth and the universality of human struggles.

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