Have To… The Life Philosophy that Will Ruin Your Life

The transcript explores the pervasive feeling of being trapped in life, attributing it to the misconception of "having to" do things rather than exercising free will. It emphasizes the universal truth that nothing is truly a "have to," but rather a choice influenced by potential consequences. The discussion encourages individuals to replace "have to" with "want to" to reclaim agency, align actions with genuine desires, and mitigate internal conflict. It offers practical strategies, such as reframing tasks, understanding underlying motives, and assigning positive meanings to discomfort, to transform unwanted obligations into conscious choices aligned with personal values.

• The concept of "having to do something" is a misconception; individuals possess free will and can make choices regardless of societal norms or expectations.
• Free will is an inherent human trait that cannot be taken away, though choices come with consequences.
• The notion of "having to" is often used to avoid personal responsibility for decisions and their outcomes.

"The universal truth is that there is no such thing as having to do something."

• This quote emphasizes the speaker's belief that the idea of obligation is a societal construct, and individuals inherently have the freedom to choose.

"You need to realize that you have free will and that is something that no one can take away from you."

• The speaker stresses the importance of recognizing one's autonomy and the ability to make independent choices.

• Every decision carries consequences, which are a natural part of the universe's cause-and-effect law.
• People often make choices based on avoiding negative consequences rather than pursuing genuine desires.
• This avoidance creates a split in consciousness between what one wants and what one feels obligated to do.

"Every single decision you make, without exception, is going to come with a consequence."

• This highlights the inevitability of consequences in decision-making, reinforcing the idea that choices are never without impact.

"It's usually these potential consequences that cause us to decide to do something we don't want to do."

• This statement explains how the fear of consequences often drives people to act against their true desires.

• Society conditions individuals from an early age to prioritize others' needs over personal desires, labeling self-interest as selfish.
• The "have to" mentality is ingrained as virtuous, leading to a life dictated by duty and obligation.
• This conditioning creates internal conflict and a disconnect between personal desires and societal expectations.

"We are trained from a very early age that doing what we want is self-centered, selfish, takes away from the social group and makes us bad."

• The quote illustrates how societal norms shape perceptions of self-interest as negative, influencing behavior from childhood.

"We believe there's virtue in 'have to' and that the only life that is right, is one entirely made up of 'have to's', duty and obligation."

• This reflects the societal belief that fulfilling obligations is morally superior to pursuing personal desires.

• The "have to" mentality is often used to avoid social repercussions, such as offending others or damaging relationships.
• Declining invitations or requests is socially challenging, leading individuals to use obligations as excuses to avoid confrontation.

"Let's say that somebody invites you to a party. Now it's not acceptable to be like: 'I don't want to go to your party. I'd rather go somewhere else.'"

• This example demonstrates how societal norms pressure individuals to conform and use obligations as a shield against social discomfort.

• People often use "have to" as an excuse to avoid activities or people, masking true priorities or desires.
• The phrase "I have to" is a self-deception that diminishes one's sense of free will and agency.
• Living according to "have to" leads to a life filled with obligatory tasks, resulting in stress and a feeling of entrapment.

"If someone asks us to join him or her for an activity, we say: 'I have to work,' when the truth is: You don't 'have to' work, you want to work because either you want an excuse to avoid them, or it's a higher priority to keep your boss happy than to see them."

• This quote highlights how "have to" is often a cover for personal priorities and choices.

"Anytime you tell the story or believed the story: 'I have to ___________', you are losing your sense of free will and agency."

• This quote emphasizes how the use of "have to" can lead to a loss of personal autonomy and freedom.

• Adopting a "have to" mindset results in a life perceived as a series of burdensome obligations.
• This mindset causes pressure to build, leading to stress and a lack of alignment with one's true desires.
• People often feel trapped in their own lives, akin to being a "slave" to their obligations.

"We have a life where it's nothing but bills that 'have to' be paid, a partner we 'have to' please, kids we 'have to' take care of, dogs that need to be walked, a gym we 'have to' go to, healthy food we have to eat."

• This quote illustrates the overwhelming nature of a life dominated by "have to" obligations.

• Changing "have to" to "want to" in speech can significantly affect one's psyche and sense of autonomy.
• This linguistic shift forces individuals to confront their true feelings and motivations.
• Recognizing that nothing is truly a "have to" can lead to greater self-awareness and freedom.

"Therefore, we can make a very simple change, which does a lot actually, and that's anytime we are about to say 'have to', switch it to 'want to'."

• This quote suggests a practical strategy for altering one's perception of obligations and reclaiming agency.

"It'll make you become conscious of the ways you're in opposition to your own sense of free will and why you are in that state of opposition."

• This quote underscores the introspective benefits of changing one's language from "have to" to "want to."

• The mind associates "have to" with negativity, which can decrease motivation and create negative emotional responses.
• Saying "I want to" aligns actions with personal desires, values, and motives, fostering a more positive mindset.
• This linguistic change can reveal activities that one should reconsider or stop doing altogether.

"Saying the word 'have to' relative to something decreases your motivation towards that thing every single time you say it."

• This quote highlights the demotivating effect of using "have to" and the importance of language in shaping attitudes.

"Saying 'I want to' connect you to your free will, your desires, values, motives, and truth."

• This quote illustrates how changing language can enhance self-awareness and align actions with personal truths.

• The idea of "have to" is not inherently present in the universe; it is a construct that we impose on ourselves.
• Recognizing that tasks can be reframed from obligations to desires is crucial in overcoming resistance.

"Remember that 'have to' is not a concept that exists within the universe at large."

• This quote emphasizes that the perception of obligation is self-imposed and not an absolute truth.

• Explore options to avoid tasks that feel obligatory, such as delegating or finding innovative solutions.
• Reframe tasks to align with personal interests or larger goals, turning them into activities you want to do.

"If you take the road of changing it or reframing the dishes into something you do want to do, maybe you find a way to make the dishes fit in with something else that you actually really do want."

• The quote illustrates how reframing tasks can integrate them into personal goals, transforming them from chores to desired activities.

• Identify and harmonize conflicting internal parts that contribute to the feeling of "have to."
• Create decisions that satisfy both the part that wants to avoid consequences and the part that resists the task.

"If you find a kind of harmony between these parts, there's no longer going to be that internal resistance and conflict inside you."

• This quote highlights the importance of resolving internal conflicts to eliminate resistance and achieve harmony.

• Mentally explore the outcomes of not performing a task to understand its true consequences.
• This exercise helps in recognizing the real needs and desires behind the task, potentially changing the perception from "have to" to "want to."

"If we can't see the consequences of that choice, we can't find ways to mitigate them."

• The quote underscores the necessity of visualizing consequences to make informed decisions and reduce resistance.

• Recognize that the feeling of "have to" arises when actions are taken to avoid negative outcomes rather than to create positive ones.
• Focus on creating desired outcomes to shift the mindset from avoidance to proactive engagement.

"We feel like we 'have to' do something anytime we're doing it to avoid a consequence rather than to create something we really want."

• This quote points out that shifting focus from avoidance to creation can transform obligations into opportunities for positive action.

• Shift focus from avoidance to creation by aligning tasks with broader life goals.
• Identify the importance and benefits of tasks to infuse them with personal meaning.
• Connect everyday tasks to their larger impact on yourself and others.

"Instead of focusing on what you want to avoid, why don't you focus on what you want to create and how this thing you 'have to do' fits into what you want to create, perfectly."

• Emphasizes the shift from avoidance to creation, integrating tasks into a larger vision.

"Find a personal meaningful 'why' behind doing what you choose to do. Find a good enough because."

• Highlights the importance of personal motivation and meaning in tasks to enhance engagement.

• Assign new meanings to discomfort to transform experiences and outcomes.
• Professional athletes use this technique to overcome challenges and build resilience.
• Reframe discomfort as a sign of growth, strength, and self-discipline.

"You can assign any meaning you want to discomfort, and that changes your entire experience about whatever is making you uncomfortable."

• Suggests that changing the meaning of discomfort can alter the experience and outcome.

"The burn in my muscles means I'm getting stronger. The discomfort I feel doing this thing that not fun to me means I'm developing self-discipline."

• Provides examples of reframing discomfort as positive growth and strength indicators.

• Reframing discomfort can lead to suppression if not done mindfully.
• Balance is key, as life is about expansion and following desires.
• Recognize when reframing might lead to ignoring true desires or needs.

"This tool must come with a warning. All good tools can be used for positive or negative. This one especially."

• Warns that reframing can be misused to suppress true feelings or desires.

"Expansion happens as a result of you following your desire. This means it is not virtuous to do what you don't want to be doing."

• Emphasizes the importance of following true desires for personal growth and fulfillment.

• Recognize unwanted tasks and choose to either remove or reframe them.
• Reframe tasks to align with desires, transforming them into motivating factors.
• Motivation and inspiration can be cultivated by changing life philosophy.

"When you encounter these unwanted experiences, you have the choice to take them off your plate. Not do what you don't want to do, or change them or your perception of them so that you want them on your plate."

• Suggests actively choosing to reframe or remove tasks to align with personal desires.

"Change your life philosophy from 'I have to' - 'I want to'."

• Encourages adopting a mindset that prioritizes desire-driven actions for a fulfilling life.