ENDURISM (The Flip Side of Escapism) - Teal Swan

The transcript addresses the concept of "endurism," a harmful coping strategy that involves enduring pain and undesirable situations instead of seeking change or improvement. It highlights society's mixed messages about happiness and suffering, noting how people often feel trapped in their circumstances due to learned helplessness from childhood. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing and challenging these patterns, encouraging individuals to seek freedom and take action towards joy. The narrative stresses the value of teaching children empowerment over endurance and advocates for enabling personal and collective growth by breaking free from self-imposed limitations.

• Common sayings like "No pain, no gain" and "It is what it is" can lead to resignation in painful situations.
• These sayings might encourage individuals to remain in situations where they actually have control and can make changes.

"They help us to release resistance to situations where we feel helplessly trapped in pain, unable to get out of it."

• These sayings can provide comfort but also justify staying in painful situations unnecessarily.

• Endurism is defined as a coping strategy that involves staying in pain due to a perceived lack of control over one's needs.
• It is the opposite of escapism, where individuals avoid pain by not facing it.
• Endurism can lead to a life spent coping with pain instead of creating a fulfilling life.

"Endurism is a coping strategy for dealing with the perception that we are helpless to get our needs met."

• Endurism can prevent individuals from taking actions to improve their situations, leading to a life of ongoing suffering.

• Society sends mixed messages about happiness and suffering.
• On one hand, happiness is seen as essential, with industries pushing the idea that not feeling good indicates a problem.
• On the other hand, society glorifies suffering, awarding those who endure pain and struggle.

"Look at our pharmaceutical industry, look at our sales industry, look at all the consumer products that are available. Pretty much everything out there says one thing: 'You have to feel good, because if you don't feel good something is seriously wrong.'"

• There is a contradiction between the societal push for happiness and the glorification of suffering.

• Religious and spiritual communities often attach virtue to suffering, elevating those who endure pain.
• This creates a dynamic where individuals feel they are good or right by enduring suffering.

"We attach superiority and goodness and rightness to the idea of suffering and being in pain."

• This belief system encourages individuals to remain in painful situations to feel virtuous.

• Endurism is present in codependent relationships, where individuals may stay in painful dynamics to feel needed or virtuous.
• In law of attraction communities, there is a division between escapism and endurism.
• Some believe that being a vibrational match to a situation means they must endure it, forgetting that action can change vibrational states.

"There is an element of endurism, in fact, in every codependent relationship."

• Recognizing the need for action is crucial in breaking free from endurism.

• Action is a necessary step in the process of improving one's vibrational state and life circumstances.
• While some may rely on the universe to make changes, taking action can be the key to shifting one's frequency.

"Sometimes taking the action, is in fact the only way to increase your frequency further."

• Action is not just a physical step but a vibrational shift that can lead to positive changes.

• There is an element of escapism within endurism, as individuals may avoid the fear of change or responsibility.
• Endurism can be a way to escape the discomfort of making necessary changes in life.

"What are we trying to escape? We're trying to escape the fear of change and also the responsibility that's necessary to make that change."

• Understanding this dynamic can help individuals recognize the need to confront fears and take responsibility for change.

• Fear of change is often linked to the fear of losing connection with others.
• People may resist change due to the belief that progress or growth could lead to disconnection.

"We are afraid that making a change in the direction of progress, in the direction of growth, in the direction of our joy means that we are going to lose connection with someone."

• This quote highlights the common fear that personal growth might result in losing important relationships or connections.

• As children, the primary desire is to be loved unconditionally, regardless of emotional state.
• Unconditional love is rare, leading to experiences of conditional acceptance.

"When we are children, what do we want the most? We want someone to love us unconditionally. We want someone to be connected with us regardless of whether we feel good, or we feel bad."

• This emphasizes the innate human desire for unconditional love and acceptance from an early age.

• Society often provides conditional love, reinforcing the need for acceptance based on behavior.
• The need for unconditional love is sometimes shamed or dismissed as "misery likes company."

"I have very little long-term patience for people who like to say things like: 'Misery likes company' essentially shaming this particular need."

• This quote criticizes the societal tendency to dismiss the need for unconditional love as a weakness.

• People develop the belief that love involves enduring pain to maintain connection.
• Subconsciously, individuals may test their partner's willingness to endure pain as a measure of love.

"We developed the idea that if someone loves us they will endure any amount of pain to be with us. Essentially we all desperately want someone to look at us in the eyes and say: 'I'd rather be in pain and with you than happy without you.'"

• This quote illustrates the flawed belief that enduring pain is a demonstration of love and commitment.

• A common relationship conflict arises between wanting to avoid causing pain and expecting a partner to endure pain.
• This dynamic creates a standoff between two conflicting views of love.

"A relationship standoff begins between the person saying: 'If you love me you wouldn't want me to be in pain.' And the person saying: 'If you love me, you would take the pain to be with me.'"

• This quote encapsulates the tension between two opposing expectations of love in relationships.

• Children are relationally dependent, leading to a feeling of powerlessness.
• This dependency fosters trauma and the belief that needs cannot be met.

"When we are young we are relationally dependent upon people in our life. We're completely dependent upon them to meet our needs, to fulfill our desires."

• This quote highlights the inherent vulnerability and dependency of children on their caregivers.

• Parents often inadvertently teach children to endure dissatisfaction due to their own feelings of powerlessness.
• This mindset of "putting up with it" is passed down, creating a cycle of endurism.

"A lot of times what parents do, either through their actions or directly through their words, is look at the child and say: 'Tough kid, you've gotta put up with it.'"

• This quote illustrates how parental attitudes can instill a mindset of endurance and resignation in children.

• Endurism begins in childhood and is perpetuated by parents who feel trapped in their own lives.
• Children are taught to endure discomfort and unmet needs as a norm.

"They convince their kids that they're trapped too. This is where endurism begins."

• This quote underscores the generational transmission of endurism as a coping mechanism.

• Endurism, the act of enduring undesirable situations without seeking change, is a pervasive issue in both childhood and adulthood.
• Parents often impose their own sense of being trapped onto their children, leading them to grow up with a mindset of limitation and entrapment.
• The speaker challenges parents to raise children who are capable of creating positive change rather than merely enduring suffering.

"How often when you came home and said: 'I hate school. I'm miserable here I can't deal with it anymore,' did your parents look at you and say: 'Too bad you've gotta go to school. Deal with it.'"

• This quote highlights the common parental response that reinforces endurism, teaching children to accept undesirable situations without seeking solutions.

• Parents are encouraged to lead by example and involve children in problem-solving, promoting a mindset of possibility and change.
• The goal is to raise individuals who have the intrinsic freedom to initiate change when dissatisfied, rather than simply coping with discomfort.
• Changing the family narrative from "we can't" to "there's always a way" is crucial.

"Would you rather raise an adult who is really really good at creating positive change in their life, or would you rather raise an adult who's really really good at dealing with the suffering in their life?"

• This quote emphasizes the importance of raising children who are proactive in creating change rather than being adept at enduring suffering.

• Endurism leads to the development of coping mechanisms that perpetuate ineffective situations.
• People who practice endurism often find spiritual and non-spiritual ideologies to justify their endurance, believing it to be virtuous.
• The speaker warns against raising children to be "copers," as it results in stagnation and the perpetuation of ineffective systems.

"All that happens when we feed kids this message that they have to endure something and can't make any change to remedy the situation, is that we force the kid to develop an attachment to enduring."

• This quote explains how teaching children to endure leads to a lifelong attachment to coping rather than solving problems.

• The speaker acknowledges that there are valid reasons for enduring certain situations, such as job security.
• However, the validity of these reasons does not justify living a life of misery.
• Reasonability can be an obstacle to progress and freedom, as it can prevent individuals from seeking better alternatives.

"It's super valid to say: 'you know what? I am enduring my job because of all the consequences that may happen of me quitting my job.' It's a valid reason. But reasonability is the enemy of progress and freedom."

• This quote acknowledges the validity of reasons for endurism but stresses that they should not prevent individuals from pursuing a fulfilling life.

• Endurism is likened to the story of elephants tied to tree trunks, illustrating how taught limitations become self-imposed.
• Over time, endurism can lead to chronic and terminal illnesses, as it restricts personal growth and expansion.
• The universe demands expansion, and resisting it can result in life crises that force individuals to choose between change and dire consequences.

"Endurism is limiting. It is nothing more than the age-old story of the elephant's who are tied to tree trunks that they can't move when they're tiny, only to grow to a size where they could easily move the tree trunk and not even realize it, so they stay tied to it unnecessarily."

• This quote uses a metaphor to illustrate how endurism creates self-imposed limitations that hinder personal growth and expansion.

• Endurism is the tendency to endure unsatisfying situations instead of seeking change or improvement.
• People often remain in undesirable conditions due to a belief that they must endure rather than take action.
• The universe may create circumstances that push individuals towards change, such as making an unsatisfactory situation unbearable.

"The universe is like: 'Wow they're really taking a long time to get off their boat. Let's help them figure out that this is what they have to do. Let's poke holes in the boat that they're standing on this old boat.'"

• This quote illustrates how the universe may intervene to force individuals to leave unsatisfactory situations by making them worse.

• Following your joy is presented as a crucial life philosophy, emphasizing the pursuit of happiness and fulfillment.
• The idea is that joy should be prioritized over enduring unpleasant situations.
• The universe supports individuals who pursue their joy by providing opportunities and pathways for change.

"Follow your joy is the only option here. Or what does the universe do? It sinks your boat."

• This quote emphasizes that following joy is not just a suggestion but a necessary path to avoid negative consequences.

• Individuals should recognize areas in their life where they are practicing endurism and challenge the justifications for enduring.
• It is essential to question the validity of reasons for staying in negative situations and to seek control and freedom.
• Involving others in the process of overcoming endurism can provide new perspectives and support.

"We have to see all the aspects of our life in which we are practicing endurism. Then we have to see clearly all of the reasons that we are justifying that level of endurance."

• This quote highlights the need for self-awareness and critical examination of the reasons behind enduring negative situations.

• Spiritual truths should not be used to justify staying in painful or limiting situations.
• It is not virtuous to remain stuck in pain under the guise of spiritual acceptance.
• Spiritual teachings should inspire change and liberation, not complacency.

"Please from the bottom of my heart, as a spiritual teacher, I'm going to beg you to stop using spiritual truths to justify your endurism. And to give you an excuse to stay stuck in your pain."

• This quote urges individuals to avoid misusing spiritual beliefs as a rationale for enduring negative circumstances.

• Change and revolution are driven by individuals who refuse to accept the status quo and take action to improve conditions.
• Every significant positive change is a result of someone deciding to act rather than cope.
• The world benefits from individuals who choose to make a difference rather than endure.

"Every single revolution, every single positive change that has ever happened, every invention, is the byproduct of someone, who decides they're unwilling to cope with the way things are."

• This quote underscores the transformative power of rejecting endurism and taking proactive steps towards change.

• Encouraging others to seek freedom and empowerment is essential for collective well-being.
• Helping others find ways out of their limitations benefits both the individual and the broader community.
• Love is equated with setting others free and supporting their journey towards liberation.

"Imagine that they were a bird that you were holding. The time has come to realize that love, is setting them free."

• This quote metaphorically describes the act of helping others achieve freedom as an expression of love.