A Conversation with Kayla Malec on Life After Speaking Out About an Abusive Relationship - Ep. 124

In a deeply personal and candid conversation on the Cancelled podcast, Kayla Malik opens up about her tumultuous relationship, sharing how she turned a painful experience into a movement that empowers other women. Despite facing skepticism and criticism online, Kayla remains proud of her authenticity, using her platform to raise awareness about domestic violence. She discusses the emotional challenges of revisiting traumatic memories, the societal pressures to be the "perfect victim," and the transformative journey of healing and self-discovery. Kayla's resilience and commitment to authenticity inspire her audience, encouraging others to find strength in vulnerability.

• Kayla Malik discusses her journey and the challenges she faced in sharing her personal story publicly.
• She emphasizes the difficulty and bravery involved in turning a negative experience into a positive movement that inspires others.
• The impact of her story has encouraged many women to leave toxic relationships and share their own stories with her.

"I always have thought that you are so authentically yourself, and that is such a beautiful thing."

• This quote highlights the admiration for Kayla's authenticity and courage in sharing her story.

"It's scary because I get emails even now and that video was posted almost two months ago of people like sharing their story."

• This quote underscores the ongoing impact of Kayla's story, indicating the significant influence it has had on others.

• Kayla faced numerous technical and emotional challenges while creating and sharing her video about her experiences.
• The process involved rewatching traumatic videos, which was emotionally taxing but necessary to convey the truth.
• Despite the difficulties, Kayla persisted to ensure her story would reach and help others.

"I filmed that video for 6 hours... iMovie crashed, lost all the files, had to refilm part two."

• This quote illustrates the technical difficulties Kayla encountered, adding to the emotional burden of sharing her story.

"I had never rewatched those videos and then I had to sit and put it into the video."

• This quote highlights the emotional challenge of revisiting traumatic experiences during the editing process.

• Kayla discusses the public's reaction to her story, including skepticism and criticism.
• She addresses the societal expectation of being the "perfect victim" and the judgment faced when sharing personal trauma.
• Despite criticism, Kayla remains committed to sharing her story to help others.

"If I did not have video proof or picture proof, nobody would have believed it."

• This quote emphasizes the unfortunate reality that evidence is often required for victims to be believed.

"It's so insane to me that people sharing their trauma, people being vulnerable... invites all these people to critique your personality."

• This quote reflects the harsh judgment victims face when they share their experiences publicly.

• Kayla discusses the ongoing nature of healing from trauma and the importance of continuing to share her journey.
• She highlights the duality of experiencing moments of weakness alongside moments of joy and normalcy.
• Her transparency in documenting her healing process serves as an inspiration to others in similar situations.

"If something that horrible and that life-changing happens to you, you should be allowed to talk about it for however long you need."

• This quote supports the idea that healing is a personal journey and should not be rushed or judged by others.

"I'm going to keep podcasting and I am quote unquote drag as you should drag it."

• This quote demonstrates Kayla's determination to continue sharing her story and using her platform for positive change.

• Kayla shares insights into the dynamics of her past toxic relationship, including emotional manipulation and dependency.
• She reflects on the realization that her partner resented qualities she loved about herself.
• The relationship's impact on her self-identity and confidence was profound, leading to a loss of self.

"He hates everything I love about myself."

• This quote reveals the destructive nature of Kayla's past relationship and the emotional toll it took on her.

"He'll suck the life out of you. He did. He 100% did."

• This quote captures the draining effect of her toxic relationship and the struggle to regain her sense of self.

• Kayla's story serves as a powerful example of overcoming adversity and using personal experiences to empower others.
• Her openness about her journey provides validation and support to those in similar situations.
• Kayla's advocacy highlights the importance of awareness and education about toxic relationships and emotional abuse.

"If I saw that video, if somebody else had made that video, posted it, and I saw that 5 months ago, I would have left because I would have known it wasn't normal."

• This quote underscores the importance of sharing stories to help others recognize and escape toxic situations.

"It's so hard to be the perfect victim... you can't be the perfect victim."

• This quote challenges societal expectations and emphasizes the complexity of healing from trauma.

• The discussion begins with the contrast between public appearances and private struggles, highlighting how individuals can appear happy online while experiencing significant personal issues.
• The conversation touches on the isolation and secrecy often experienced in abusive relationships, emphasizing the difficulty of sharing such experiences with friends and family.

"We were talking about this how like we would go to your page when all of this was happening and you look perfectly happy and it's like how just you don't you never know what someone's going through."

• This quote underscores the theme of hidden struggles, illustrating the disconnect between public appearances and private realities.

"It's the isolation like Oh my god. you know, being with like someone like that like you they will condition you to be afraid to say anything."

• The quote highlights the isolation and fear instilled in victims of abusive relationships, preventing them from seeking help or sharing their experiences.

• The narrative shifts to a pivotal moment when the speaker decides to end the abusive relationship and publicly share their story.
• This act of empowerment is presented as a significant and transformative decision, marking a new chapter in the speaker's life.

"And then I told myself I was like the day that I tell my mom is the day that it will end."

• This quote signifies a crucial turning point, where the speaker decides to take control and end the cycle of abuse by confiding in a trusted family member.

"I looked at him and I was like I'm going to ruin your [ __ ] life. I I was like, I will ruin your because you ruined mine, you know, and I [ __ ] did."

• The quote reflects the speaker's determination to hold their abuser accountable and reclaim their power by making the abuse public.

• The discussion includes the aftermath of the public revelation, including the legal consequences faced by the abuser.
• The speaker reflects on the broader impact of their actions, including preventing future abuse by the same individual.

"Your name is trending for being a woman beater. Like, [ __ ] you. You look his name up on Google, it's Evan Johnson arrested."

• This quote highlights the public and legal repercussions for the abuser, serving as a form of justice for the speaker.

"Thank God. And hopefully he won't be able to do it to anybody else as a result."

• The quote emphasizes the positive outcome of preventing further abuse by ensuring the abuser faces consequences.

• The conversation explores the manipulative tactics used by abusers, including lying and playing the victim to gain sympathy.
• The speaker recounts how the abuser quickly moved on to another victim, using similar tactics.

"He was starting to get like low-key physical with me. He would grab me really hard on Broadway."

• This quote illustrates the pattern of abusive behavior continuing with a new victim, highlighting the abuser's manipulative nature.

"And Evan looks at her and goes, 'Yeah, I know I get you. Like my ex-girlfriend abused me really bad.'"

• The quote reveals the abuser's deceitful tactic of portraying himself as a victim to manipulate others.

• The speaker discusses the ongoing process of healing from the trauma of the abusive relationship.
• They reflect on the changes in their behavior and mindset, acknowledging the long-term impact of the abuse.

"He made me somebody I did not know. I was like and I'm still dealing with this now."

• This quote highlights the profound effect of the abusive relationship on the speaker's identity and behavior.

"It's so annoying that this one guy has made it such a like has actually affected my life to where it will go on for years and years."

• The quote underscores the lasting impact of trauma and the challenge of overcoming it.

• The conversation emphasizes the importance of support from friends and family in the healing process.
• The speaker expresses hope for finding a healthy relationship in the future and acknowledges the value of being single for personal growth.

"Like you are so you are so well spoken and so strong and so smart and like you you have your own back in a way that you've never had your own back before."

• The quote celebrates the speaker's personal growth and resilience, highlighting their newfound strength and self-reliance.

"But being single is also just a beautiful thing. It is. I do like being single and I I enjoy the freedom of it."

• The quote reflects the positive aspects of being single, allowing for self-discovery and healing.

• The discussion touches on the social and legal ramifications of the abuser's actions, including their time in jail.
• The speaker reflects on the societal response and the importance of holding abusers accountable.

"I feel so good about it. Like I did not take my eyes off that [ __ ] He could not look at me. He was [ __ ] stuttering."

• This quote conveys the speaker's sense of justice and empowerment during the legal proceedings against their abuser.

"They're posting like he just went to Miami. It's like actually the funniest. He's in jail and everyone knows it."

• The quote highlights the absurdity of attempts to maintain a false public image despite the abuser's incarceration.

• The speaker reflects on the impact of early experiences and collaborations in shaping their career.
• They discuss the admiration for a significant figure in the beauty industry and the initial excitement of collaborating with them.
• The complexities of relationships with influential figures and the emotional challenges of feeling let down are explored.

"He is the reason I am where I'm at. He was the first person to reach out to me to be like, 'Let's collab and started.'"

• This quote highlights the speaker's acknowledgment of the pivotal role a prominent figure played in their career development through collaboration.

"But that's just wild to not only feel [__] over by somebody that you consider a friend."

• The speaker expresses the emotional turmoil and disappointment experienced when a once-admired figure fails to meet expectations.

• The discussion delves into the intricacies of social relationships, especially in the context of public figures and influencers.
• The challenges of maintaining genuine connections and the impact of perceived betrayals are examined.
• The conversation touches upon the difficulties of distinguishing between acquaintances and true friendships.

"It's just like so many holes in that story."

• This quote underscores the speaker's skepticism and frustration regarding inconsistencies and perceived dishonesty in social interactions.

"If you really weren't doing anything wrong and you didn't think you were doing anything wrong, you wouldn't have lied to me."

• The speaker questions the integrity of another individual, highlighting the significance of honesty in maintaining trust.

• The importance of emotional intelligence in understanding and navigating personal relationships is discussed.
• The speaker reflects on the challenges of interpreting intentions and the complexities of emotional support within friendships.
• The role of communication and transparency in fostering healthy relationships is emphasized.

"You guys formed an entire friendship off of the basis of you thinking he saw it."

• This quote illustrates the complexities of forming relationships based on assumptions and the need for clear communication.

"It's important for you to just have men in your life especially that you can trust right now."

• The speaker highlights the value of trustworthy relationships and the emotional support they provide during challenging times.

• The conversation explores the intricacies of the judicial system and its impact on personal justice.
• The speaker shares their perspective on legal proceedings and the emotional toll of seeking justice.
• The challenges of navigating legal systems and the implications of legal decisions on personal life are discussed.

"The max that he could get for the domestic violence. It's a misdemeanor A. So, the max he could get was a year."

• This quote provides insight into the limitations of the legal system in addressing domestic violence cases and the speaker's perspective on justice.

"I was not trying to go to trial. And it's like I'd have to sit there and have his lawyers be like, 'Well, why'd you stay then?'"

• The speaker expresses the emotional burden and potential retraumatization involved in legal proceedings, influencing their decision to avoid trial.

• The influence of social media on public perception and personal identity is a key theme.
• The conversation addresses the manipulation of social media narratives through botting and its effects on public opinion.
• The challenges of maintaining authenticity in the face of external pressures and online criticism are explored.

"You can use to buy comments to shift the narrative of what people think about you."

• This quote reveals the existence of tools that manipulate public perception on social media, highlighting ethical concerns.

"It's like you just have to live for you and do what feels right to you which you are to stop caring about what those you will never win with them."

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of staying true to oneself despite external criticism and the impossibility of pleasing everyone.

• The psychological effects of online criticism and its influence on self-perception are discussed.
• The conversation highlights the dangers of internalizing negative feedback and its impact on mental health.
• Strategies for coping with online negativity and maintaining a healthy sense of self are considered.

"It makes you question who you are. Like it's so and change. It makes you change who you are."

• This quote underscores the profound impact of online criticism on personal identity and the risk of altering one's behavior to appease critics.

"It's very hard sometimes notice that you're doing it. Like I catch myself where I'm like I wouldn't have normally said that."

• The speaker reflects on the subtle ways in which external opinions can influence personal behavior and the importance of self-awareness.

• The importance of maintaining authenticity and personal integrity in public life is a recurring theme.
• The speaker discusses the challenges of balancing public expectations with personal values.
• The conversation emphasizes the long-term benefits of staying true to oneself despite external pressures.

"It's so much harder to a do this for a living b sleep at night like when you're like I am this whole [__] different person."

• This quote highlights the internal conflict and difficulty of living a double life, stressing the importance of authenticity.

"You'll see yourself trying to put on a a character. You know what I mean."

• The speaker warns against the temptation to adopt a persona that is not true to oneself, advocating for genuine self-expression.

• Discussion on the importance of being genuine and authentic in personal and professional life.
• Emphasis on how authenticity contributes to building a successful personal brand or empire.
• The conversation reflects on the fear of being different in public versus private settings.

"But that's how you've also built this like beautiful empire is by just being so authentic to you."

• This quote highlights the significance of authenticity in building a personal brand and achieving success.

• Concerns about spending on luxury items and the influence of consumer culture.
• Discussion on the balance between treating oneself and being financially prudent.
• Reflections on the guilt associated with spending and the concept of scarcity mentality.

"I have like a scarcity complex with money. I feel like you ever just get scared that like one day I'll wake up and everything will just be like empty."

• This quote illustrates the anxiety and fear associated with financial insecurity and the impact of consumerism on personal finances.

• Conversation on the use of dupes for luxury items and their indistinguishability from originals.
• Acknowledgment of the high cost of luxury goods and the practicality of purchasing dupes.

"Half of these are DHGate dupes. I have mine aren't, but I'm saying they're but I wish they were because they're duped so well."

• This quote reflects the acceptance and practicality of using dupes as a cost-effective alternative to luxury items.

• Discussion on personal style choices and the influence of trends.
• Emphasis on purchasing timeless pieces over trendy items to avoid regret.
• The emotional attachment to certain fashion choices and the anxiety it can cause.

"I try to buy like timeless. I won't spend a lot of money unless something is like I know I'll have."

• This quote highlights the importance of investing in timeless fashion pieces rather than succumbing to fleeting trends.

• Experiences with hair care, including bleaching and maintaining hair health.
• Discussion on the challenges and risks of DIY hair treatments.
• Reflections on personal beauty routines and the emotional ties to hair color.

"Once I did that and I burnt my hair off though, my hair was like steaming and then I had to get a mullet."

• This quote underscores the potential risks and consequences of DIY hair care treatments.

• Exploration of future creative projects, such as acting in a short film to depict personal experiences.
• Interest in participating in reality shows and exploring new creative outlets.
• The role of outreach and taking initiative in securing opportunities.

"I would love to do like a short film or something... to kind of like symbolize what it was."

• This quote reveals aspirations to use creative projects as a medium to express and symbolize personal experiences.

• Insights into the profitability and authenticity of platforms like Snapchat for influencers.
• Discussion on the challenges and benefits of being an influencer on various social media platforms.
• The evolving nature of influencer pay and content creation strategies.

"That's like my number one income. I love Snapchat. I love that. It's so fun."

• This quote emphasizes the significance of Snapchat as a primary income source and its appeal as a platform for authentic content sharing.

• The importance of forming supportive friendships within the industry.
• Reflections on mutual admiration and support among peers.
• The role of personal connections in personal and professional growth.

"And like just so happy to like form a beautiful friendship and just like be there."

• This quote highlights the value of forming genuine friendships and support networks in personal and professional contexts.