Why I Didn't Care When My Dad Said He Was Proud of Me ...and how you can be the person people love to talk to Ep 111

Summary Notes


In a reflective conversation, the host discusses the profound impact of unconditional belief and support in relationships, drawing from personal experiences and biblical references. The host, inspired by Ben Horowitz's distinction between friends for good and bad news, emphasizes the rarity and significance of friends who celebrate and support unconditionally. Recounting a conversation with his father, who initially doubted his career choices, the host contrasts this with his mother's earlier support, underscoring the value of believing in someone's potential before it manifests. The host extends this concept to parenting, entrepreneurship, and personal relationships, advocating for unconditional pride, love, and respect based on character rather than achievements. Finally, the host and Speaker C encourage listeners to share the podcast to reach and inspire more entrepreneurs.

Summary Notes

Unconditional Human and Dependable Friend

  • Discusses the concept of being an unconditional human and a dependable friend, as inspired by Ben Horowitz.
  • Highlights the two types of friends: those we share good news with and those we turn to in bad times.
  • Stresses the rarity and value of friends who are present for both the highs and lows.
  • The speaker reflects on personal experiences with friends and family in relation to this concept.

"There's two types of friends in this world. You have the types of friends that you call when you have good news, who are amazing and celebrate with you, and then you have the types of friends who you call when you have bad news."

This quote introduces the central theme of friendship and support, categorizing friends based on the situations in which we rely on them: those for celebration and those for consolation.

Family Support and Emotional Response

  • Speaker A reflects on the lack of emotional response to their father's expression of pride.
  • Provides background on their father's initial lack of support for career changes, contrasting with their mother's eventual support.
  • Introduces the idea of belief before evidence, tying it to personal growth and support systems.

"And what was interesting for me was that I didn't actually feel any emotional response from that. And so I started thinking about it, and I was thinking more of, I was like, why? Why do I have no emotional response to my dad saying that he's proud of me?"

This quote captures Speaker A's introspection on their emotional detachment from their father's approval, prompting an exploration of the underlying reasons for this reaction.

The Value of Genuine Celebration and Success

  • Discusses the scarcity of people who genuinely celebrate others' success.
  • Emphasizes the importance of having someone who sincerely wants you to succeed.
  • Reflects on the speaker's personal experience of not having many people to share good news with.

"A lot of people, I don't have many people that I would call for good news because there's not a lot of people that I know that would really genuinely celebrate with me that would genuinely want me to succeed."

This quote highlights the speaker's perception of the rarity of true friends who are genuinely happy for one's achievements and willing to celebrate them without reservation.

The Impact of Initial Support on Long-term Relationships

  • Speaker A contrasts their father's initial lack of support with their mother's quicker acceptance.
  • Suggests that the timing and presence of support can affect long-term emotional connections.
  • Ties in the concept of faith and belief in someone's potential before it's fully realized.

"And so I think ultimately what it comes down to is my mom, on the other hand, was supportive, eventually much sooner."

This quote contrasts the different levels and timings of support from Speaker A's parents, with the mother's earlier support being more impactful on their emotional well-being.

Belief Before Evidence

  • Speaker A introduces the biblical reference from John 20:29 to underscore the concept of believing before seeing.
  • Suggests that having faith in someone or something without prior evidence can be a powerful form of support.

"And I think the key piece to this is believing before you can see."

This quote encapsulates the theme of having faith or belief in someone's potential or success before there is tangible evidence, which is presented as an important aspect of support and friendship.

Faith and Belief

  • Belief in something before it's visible or tangible is powerful, especially in human relationships.
  • Unconditional belief in someone can significantly impact the relationship and the person who is believed in.
  • The concept of faith and belief is exemplified through the Biblical story of Jesus and Thomas.
  • The story is used to illustrate the importance of belief without evidence and how it applies to everyday life and relationships.

Jesus in this part in the Bible, he just come back from the dead. And some people had heard rumors about it. And Thomas is doubtered. And he's like, I don't believe that. No matter what, no one comes back from the dead, right? And so anyways, he's there and he puts his fingers to the holes and it's like, oh, my God, I can't believe that's you. Jesus responds to him and know you believe because you can see. But blessed are those who believe, who have not seen and yet still believe.

This quote narrates the Biblical account of Doubting Thomas, who needed physical evidence of Jesus' resurrection to believe it. Jesus' response highlights the virtue of those who believe without seeing, which is a central theme of faith.

And I think there's a ton of power in that. That's taken outside of the like, that's. That's outside of just the whole faith component. But having the belief in something before you can see it within the context of a human relationship, I think, is one of the most powerful things you can give to someone.

The speaker emphasizes that the concept of belief without evidence is not limited to religious faith but is also crucial in human relationships, suggesting that showing belief in someone can be a profound gift.

Because ultimately, if someone comes up to me now who knew me, you know what I mean, and did not believe and then says, I'm really proud of you, it doesn't have any power because, well, sure, you're proud of us now because, well, here we are. It would make sense for you to be proud of us now. And so that would be a conditional reaction, right? That's a conditional reaction based on circumstance.

The speaker illustrates that belief or pride expressed after success is achieved does not hold the same weight as belief shown during times of uncertainty, as it is often conditional and based on the outcome rather than the journey or potential.

The Significance of Unconditional Support

  • Unconditional support, especially from parents, is vital during the early stages when there is no visible success or "fruit" yet.
  • Such support is not based on achievements or conditions but is given freely and with faith in the individual's potential.

The power in the significance of a relationship that really moves you and that ties you. And this is what I'm hoping, maybe some person here does this for someone else, is that if you can believe in someone without condition, without circumstance before it happens, those of you who are parents, that's the time is when there is no fruit yet you're planting, the seeds, you're watering, but there's nothing there to be proud of yet. And yet you still are proud.

This quote discusses the profound impact of relationships built on unconditional belief and support. It particularly calls on parents to have faith in their children's potential even before any accomplishments are evident.

The Role of the Audience in Spreading the Message

  • The speaker acknowledges the audience's role in promoting the podcast's mission to support entrepreneurs.
  • There is an explicit request for the audience to help spread the word as the podcast does not run ads or sell products.

You guys already know that I don't run any ads on this, and I don't sell anything. And so the only ask that I can ever have of you guys is that you help me spread the word so we can help more entrepreneurs make more money, feed their families, make better products, and have better experiences for their employees and customers. And the only way we do that.

This quote is a direct appeal to the audience to assist in the podcast's growth and outreach by spreading the word, highlighting the podcast's altruistic goals of helping entrepreneurs succeed without the influence of ads or merchandise sales.

Is if you can rate and review.

The speaker provides a specific action for the audience to take to support the podcast, emphasizing the importance of ratings and reviews in increasing the podcast's visibility and reach.

Podcast Sharing and Reviews

  • The hosts encourage listeners to share the podcast and leave reviews.
  • Reviews are described as quick to leave but extremely meaningful to the hosts.
  • Reviews not only support the podcast but may also impact others positively.

"And share this podcast. So the single thing that I ask." "You to do is you can just leave a review." "It'll take you 10 seconds or one type of the thumb. It means the absolute world to me. And more importantly, it may change the world for someone else."

The quotes highlight the importance the hosts place on sharing the podcast and leaving reviews. They emphasize the ease of leaving a review and the significant impact it can have on the podcast's reach and influence.

Unconditional Love, Respect, and Pride

  • The concept of unconditional love and respect is discussed, emphasizing its rarity in discussions.
  • The distinction between pride in someone's character versus their accomplishments is made.
  • Unconditional feelings are based on who the person is, not on their actions or circumstances.

"Right? And so it's the concept of unconditional love, unconditional respect, one that's not talked about nearly as frequently, or unconditional pride from like, a parent to a child." "It's based on who they are. Because of who you are, I am proud of who you are. I love you because you are my husband wife. I will respect you because you are my husband wife, not because of what you have done, but because of who I am and who I choose to be."

These quotes outline the idea that unconditional emotions should be directed towards the person's inherent qualities rather than their achievements or behavior. It's a call for people to base their feelings on the essence of a person's character.

The Challenge of Being Kind

  • The hosts discuss the challenge of being kind to those who are not kind to us.
  • They reference a biblical verse to illustrate that even those with bad reputations can be kind to their friends, pointing out the circumstantial nature of such kindness.
  • The real test of character is being kind to those who may not seem to deserve it.

"There's another verse that's kind of related to this, where he says, where Jesus talked about being kind to people, the intention of this morning was not to be biblical. I was just like, it's been on my mind. So he says, even tax collectors are nice to their friends."

The speaker references a biblical context to convey the message that kindness should extend beyond our friends and to those who may not be kind to us. It's a reflection on the broader application of kindness in our lives.

Belief Before Evidence

  • The concept of believing in something before seeing evidence is discussed as a powerful human ability.
  • Believing in people before they have proven themselves can lead to transformative results.
  • This belief is particularly important when it comes to supporting employees or others whose potential is not yet evident.

"The difficulty is in believing in someone who most people would not believe it. It's in loving someone who is acting unlovable. It's giving respect to someone who is not respectable or acting in a way that is respectable." "And so I think that one of the most powerful things that you can do as a human being is to believe before you can see."

These quotes discuss the power of belief in others and the impact it can have on their development and actions. The speaker emphasizes the importance of having faith in people's potential before they have demonstrated it, which can be a catalyst for positive change.

Belief in Potential Before Results

  • Recognizing and believing in someone's potential before they achieve success is powerful and significant.
  • The impact of belief is heightened when it comes from someone close, like a parent.
  • This pre-achievement support is valued not for the results, but for the individual's effort and character.

"It's great to say, like, hey, you're a great sales guy after you're doing great sales, but it's believing in them before it happens. And that's where the power is."

The quote emphasizes the importance of support and belief in someone's potential before they have proven themselves through results.

"For me, it means more to me when my mom says, I'm proud of you now, because she was proud of me before it happened, right?"

This quote illustrates the emotional significance of receiving support and pride from a loved one, particularly because it was given in advance of any achievements.

Logical Caution vs. Emotional Support

  • It is logical for people to express doubt or caution regarding someone's plans or ideas.
  • While logical, this approach does not foster deep emotional connections or inspire individuals to reach new levels of achievement or transformation.
  • Emotional support is pivotal in building strong ties and enabling personal growth.

"In contrary to that, and I'm not hating on my dad. I love my dad, and it made sense for him. That's the thing, is it is logical to not do that."

The speaker acknowledges the logical perspective of not offering support without evidence but contrasts it with the emotional aspect of belief and encouragement.

"But it is not the thing that drives a deep emotional tie or bond or allows someone to reach a new level of achievement, transformation, whatever."

This quote conveys that logical skepticism does not contribute to the emotional bond or personal development that belief and support can foster.

Being a Supportive Friend in Good and Bad Times

  • A good friend celebrates another's success without envy or comparison.
  • In times of failure, a supportive friend offers help instead of criticism or "I told you so" reactions.
  • These qualities reflect an unconditional approach to relationships, where support is not contingent on circumstances.

"I hope that you are all the type of friend that people want to call when they have good news because you can actually genuinely celebrate with them because you genuinely want them to succeed..."

This quote describes the ideal supportive friend who rejoices in others' success without jealousy.

"And on the flip side, you're the type of person that people can call when they have bad news because they know that you're not going to say, I told you so."

The quote highlights the importance of being a compassionate and supportive friend during difficult times, offering comfort rather than criticism.

Unconditional Human Relationships

  • Unconditional relationships are based on predetermined bonds rather than situational factors.
  • Interactions with employees, spouses, parents, and children should reflect this unconditional approach.
  • The speaker views this philosophy as idealistic but worth considering for personal and interpersonal development.

"So I think all of that comes down to being an unconditional human and not basing the actions of how you are talking to your employees, talking to your spouse, talking to your parents, talking to your kids based on the circumstance, but based on the pre determined relationship that you already have and who you choose to baby."

This quote encapsulates the concept of unconditional relationships, suggesting that how we communicate with others should be guided by the nature of our relationship with them, not by the circumstances we find ourselves in.

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