The Influence Expert: 7 Ways to Get People to Do What You Want (Even When They Don't Want To)

The discussion highlights the importance of framing requests for advice rather than opinions to foster partnership, as emphasized by Bob Cialdini. The conversation delves into seven key principles of influence: reciprocation, liking, social proof, authority, scarcity, commitment, and unity. Reciprocation involves giving first to create an obligation to return the favor, illustrated through a McDonald's study. Liking is influenced by similarity and genuine compliments. Social proof leverages popularity to reduce uncertainty. Authority relies on expertise, while scarcity emphasizes the value of limited availability. Commitment and consistency encourage small initial commitments leading to larger ones. Unity underscores shared identity to enhance cooperation.

• Asking for opinions often results in criticism, while asking for advice fosters partnership.
• People are more favorable and provide constructive input when asked for advice.
• Advice-seekers are seen as partners, leading to better collaboration and success.

"When you ask for an opinion, you get a critic. If you ask for their advice on it, you get a partner."

• Asking for advice turns individuals into partners who want you to succeed.

• Influence involves guiding people by highlighting genuine principles.
• Manipulation involves fabricating or misrepresenting principles to deceive.
• Ethical influence educates and informs, while manipulation exploits.

"Influence involves pointing to them where they naturally exist...manipulation involves the fabrication or manufacture of those principles."

• True influence is ethical and commendable, while manipulation is deceitful.

• Reciprocation is a universal social rule where we feel obligated to return favors.
• Giving first creates a sense of obligation in the recipient to give back.
• Effective in business, where offering value first can lead to increased customer loyalty and sales.

"We are obligated to give back to others who have first given to us."

• Reciprocation allows for fair exchanges and fosters trust and cooperation.

"Those families bought 25 percent more food because they had been given something first."

• Providing something first, even a small gesture, significantly increases reciprocation and sales.

• Businesses should give value first, such as useful information, to create a sense of obligation.
• The value given should not be directly tied to promoting the business's products to be seen as genuine.

"We have to go first. We give value in some way...not based on our product or service."

• Giving unbiased value primes customers to reciprocate positively.

• Many are hesitant to give first due to fear of losing resources without return.
• Understanding the power of reciprocation can alleviate this fear.

"People might just be losing that...they're not cognizant of the fact that there's such a strong rule."

• Recognizing the strong social rule of reciprocation can encourage giving first.

• Reciprocation can include gifts, concessions in negotiations, and acts of service.
• Making concessions in negotiations can lead to higher compliance and cooperation.

"If we retreat to that, we make a concession...we go from 33 to 55 percent compliance."

• Concessions can significantly increase agreement rates by leveraging reciprocation and contrast.

• People feel obligated to return favors at the same level, but will go higher if necessary to avoid feeling like a taker.
• Large favors create long-lasting obligations, while smaller ones may fade over time.

"We are obligated to give back at the same level...we will to avoid the burden of feeling like a cheater."

• The sense of obligation ensures that favors are returned, often at equal or greater value.

• Reciprocation is more effective when the favor is recent and tailored to the recipient's needs.
• Personalized favors that address immediate needs create stronger obligations.

"When what we have given to them is tailored to their needs...we now have a more muscular version of the sense of obligation."

• Tailoring favors to individual preferences maximizes the impact of reciprocation.

• The Cuban Missile Crisis demonstrates reciprocation and negotiation at a geopolitical level.
• Kennedy's strategic demands and concessions with Khrushchev avoided nuclear war.

"Kennedy said we're going to blockade those ships...Khrushchev said that's an act of war."

• Strategic concessions and demands can de-escalate critical situations and lead to peaceful resolutions.

• The common historical narrative of the Cuban Missile Crisis is that Kennedy's resolute stance forced Khrushchev to back down.
• Recently declassified information reveals a secret deal: Kennedy agreed to remove U.S. missiles from Turkey in exchange for Khrushchev removing Soviet missiles from Cuba.
• This information was kept secret to protect Kennedy's political image.
• Scholars now recognize that the reciprocal concessions, not the hardline stance, resolved the crisis and prevented nuclear war.

"It turns out that there was a secret deal that was made between Kennedy and Khrushchev. It was a reciprocal concessions deal."

• The real resolution of the crisis involved mutual concessions, not unilateral strength.

"Kennedy said if you will remove your missiles from Cuba, we'll remove ours from Turkey that are pointed at you."

• The agreement was kept secret to avoid political fallout for Kennedy.

"It wasn't until recently that this information was revealed at the Kennedy Library."

• The revelation changes the understanding of effective diplomatic strategies, emphasizing negotiation over confrontation.

"The thing that saved the world was reciprocal concession and it got buried."

• The narrative of uncompromising strength has misled subsequent leaders, promoting a less effective approach.

"The image that a lot of world leaders got from this never compromise never give in just be strong and you if you are strong enough you will win it was exactly the wrong thing."

• Recognize when gifts or favors are tactics to extract larger concessions.
• Reframe such "gifts" as manipulative tricks rather than genuine acts of kindness.
• Exploiters should be exploited: accept the initial "gift" but reject further compliance.

"We have to re-frame what they gave us as no longer a gift to be reciprocated but a trick, a device, an artifice designed to get our compliance."

• Awareness of manipulative tactics allows one to counteract them effectively.

"Show them the door and keep the fire extinguisher because by the rule of reciprocation exploiter should be exploited."

• People are more likely to say yes to those they like.
• Two major variables influence liking: similarity and genuine compliments.
• Establishing commonalities can build rapport and facilitate agreement.

"We like people who are like us so one thing we can do is to point to commonalities that genuinely exist."

• Genuine compliments can also enhance likability and influence.

"We like people who do like us and say so."

• Joe Girard, a top car salesman, effectively used the liking principle.
• He sent monthly greeting cards to customers, each with a simple message: "I like you."

"Every month they would receive a greeting card from him... and it said one thing inside the card: I like you, Joe Girard."

• This consistent, genuine expression of liking built strong customer relationships and loyalty.

"Joe was a people person he liked everybody so he wasn't lying by saying I like you."

• Be aware of tactics used by salespeople to foster liking, such as giving small gifts or finding commonalities.
• Separate the salesperson from the product or deal being offered.

"If you find yourself liking somebody inordinately step back from the situation and say wait a minute what has that person been doing that would cause me to like him or her."

• Make decisions based on the product's merits, not the salesperson's likability.

"You have to make your choice based on the features the favorable features of the deal not of the person who's offering you the deal."

• Popularity can serve as a social proof, reducing uncertainty in decision-making.
• People often look to others' behaviors and choices to guide their own, especially in uncertain situations.

"One way we can reduce our uncertainty of what we should do in a situation when we're uncertain we don't look inside ourselves for the answer all we see is the lack of confidence so we look outside."

• High ratings and popularity can act as shortcuts to determine a product's or service's quality.

"If a lot of people are doing it and are rating it positively with those star ratings and so on and that's a way I can reduce my uncertainty."

• Researchers in Beijing demonstrated social proof's effectiveness by marking menu items with an asterisk.
• Items with an asterisk were chosen 13-20% more frequently, showing the power of perceived popularity.

"In Beijing researchers arranged with the managers of a string of restaurants to put a little asterisk on certain items of the menu... those items that got the asterisk then became purchased 13 to 20 percent more frequently."

• The asterisk indicated popularity, not chef recommendations, influencing customer choices.

"What did the asterisk represent it wasn't what we normally see when there are little asterisks next to items on the menu like this is a specialty of the house or this is what our chef recommends."

• Popularity significantly impacts consumer behavior, especially for first-time visitors who use others' choices to reduce uncertainty.
• Popular items marked with an asterisk became 13-20% more popular.
• Different demographic groups, including males, females, young people, older people, business people, and neighborhood patrons, were influenced by popularity cues.

"First-time visitors, the ones who were most uncertain, could look to the choices of others in that restaurant to reduce their uncertainty about what to buy."

• Explanation: First-time visitors are more influenced by popularity cues due to their uncertainty about what to choose.

• People are more likely to adopt behaviors they see others doing, especially if they identify with those others.
• A case study from a company, OPower, showed that informing people about their energy usage relative to their neighbors led to significant energy conservation.

"If my neighbors like me can do it, that means I can do it. It means it's feasible; it's practicable. I can do it too."

• Explanation: Seeing others, especially similar others, successfully performing an action increases the perceived feasibility of that action.

"OPower is responsible for 30 billion pounds of carbon dioxide that have not been released into the environment because people have reduced their energy conservation by just knowing what their comparable neighbors are doing."

• Explanation: Social proof can lead to significant positive outcomes, such as massive reductions in carbon dioxide emissions.

• Be skeptical of online reviews by checking for personal stories and excessive use of verbs, which may indicate phony reviews.
• The most effective star rating for conversion is between 4.2 and 4.7; ratings outside this range can trigger suspicion.

"Do they use a lot of personal stories? That means they're not giving you evidence of the features of the product or service because they don't really know."

• Explanation: Personal stories in reviews can be a sign of inauthenticity since the reviewer may not have actual experience with the product.

"The most likely to produce a conversion from a prospect to a customer was a range between 4.2 and 4.7."

• Explanation: Consumers are wary of overly positive or negative reviews, finding a middle range more trustworthy.

• Distinction between being "in authority" (having power) and being "an authority" (having expertise).
• People prefer to be influenced by experts rather than by those who wield power.

"What we are recommending as a way to be influential is being an authority, somebody who knows a lot about the topic, someone who's a true expert who is authoritative on the matter."

• Explanation: Influence is more effectively gained through expertise rather than through power or coercion.

"When Bose added a line of testifiers right at the start of the ad, it increased purchases by 15% of that product."

• Explanation: Testimonials from recognized authorities can significantly boost consumer trust and sales.

• Evaluate whether the authority figure is a true expert and whether they have any biases or incentives.
• Unhook perceived authority if the person is not an expert or has a vested interest.

"Is this person truly an expert on this matter? What does Matthew McConaughey really know about Chrysler's?"

• Explanation: Questioning the expertise of authority figures helps in discerning genuine recommendations from paid endorsements.

"Is there a reason for this person to be recommending this product or service other than its merits?"

• Explanation: Identifying potential biases or incentives helps in evaluating the authenticity of the recommendation.

• People are more attracted to items that are rare, scarce, or dwindling in availability.
• Fear of missing out (FOMO) and loss aversion make scarcity a powerful motivator.

"We prefer people want more of those things they can have less of."

• Explanation: Scarcity increases the perceived value and desirability of an item.

"The idea of losing something of a particular value is twice as powerful on human psychology as the idea of gaining that very same thing."

• Explanation: Loss aversion makes people more motivated to avoid losses than to achieve gains.

• Present benefits in terms of what consumers stand to lose, not just what they can gain.
• Adjust marketing messages to emphasize scarcity and loss aversion for better consumer response.

"We should not just coach it in terms of this is what you'll be able to gain by choosing our product; we should also honestly be able to say, and this is something you don't want to lose."

• Explanation: Framing benefits in terms of potential losses resonates more powerfully with consumers.

"The first generation of that ad was very unsuccessful for Bose. At the top of the ad was the word 'new,' which says uncertain."

• Explanation: Emphasizing newness can create uncertainty; instead, focusing on scarcity and loss aversion can be more effective.

• Changing marketing language to emphasize scarcity can significantly increase sales.
• Adding testimonials further enhances the effectiveness of scarcity-based marketing.

"The idea of missing out says no time for waiting. No, no, I have to get this. I don't want to miss out on this great thing."

• Emphasizing scarcity taps into the fear of missing out, driving immediate action.

"That change produced a 45% increase in sales."

• Simple changes in wording can have a dramatic impact on sales performance.

"If the Bose marketing department added testimonials, they produced a 15% greater increase to a 60% increase from the initial generation of that ad."

• Combining scarcity with social proof (testimonials) can amplify sales results.

• A study of 6,700 e-commerce sites identified key components that influence consumer behavior.
• Scarcity of supply and social proof were the top factors converting prospects to customers.

"The top six were all principles of social influence, and the top one was scarcity of supply."

• Scarcity of supply is the most effective A/B test for conversion.

"Second was social proof. Look at all the people who've already done this."

• Social proof, especially when showing trends, is highly influential.

"There's a particularly powerful form of social proof that isn't just a large number of people have done this, but there's a trend to that number."

• Trends in social proof are more compelling than static figures.

"Number three was scarcity of time, that is, limited time offers."

• Limited time offers also strongly influence consumer actions.

• Unique features can enhance the effectiveness of scarcity.
• Offering a unique combination of features can differentiate a product in a homogenized market.

"If we have something a feature that none of our rivals can match, that's where we go."

• Unique features create a sense of exclusivity and further drive consumer desire.

"It could be a suite of things, a particular combination of features that only you provide."

• Combining multiple unique features can make a product more attractive.

• People want to be consistent with their past actions, especially when commitments are made publicly.
• Asking for small commitments can lead to larger commitments in the future.

"People want to be consistent with what they have already said or done, especially in public."

• Public commitments increase the likelihood of follow-through.

"He asked her to change two words and to say, 'Will you please call if you have to change or cancel your reservation?'"

• Simple changes in language can significantly impact behavior.

"No shows dropped by 67% immediately and never went up."

• Public, voluntary commitments lead to higher compliance rates.

• Managers should secure verbal commitments from team members to ensure task completion.
• Knowing whether a team member can meet a deadline helps in resource allocation.

"Will you be able to complete this by our next meeting and pause?"

• Securing a verbal commitment increases the likelihood of task completion.

"If the answer is no, that's actually good for a manager to know."

• Understanding team members' limitations allows for better management and support.

• People can be persuaded to change their commitments by presenting new, relevant information.
• Framing new information as an update rather than a correction helps in changing opinions.

"At the time that you made that choice in the information environment, that may have well been a good choice for you."

• Acknowledging past decisions as valid under previous circumstances makes people more open to change.

"Here's a new piece of information that we didn't have back then."

• Introducing new information can help people reevaluate their past commitments.

• Unity involves creating a sense of shared identity between the communicator and the audience.
• Demonstrating commonality can significantly increase compliance and cooperation.

"If that communicator can arrange for us to see him or her as one of us, that is as someone who shares an identity with them in some kind of important way."

• Shared identity strengthens the bond and increases the likelihood of positive responses.

"I'm a student here too. Would you give to the United Way?"

• Simple statements of common identity can dramatically increase compliance.

"Donations went up 400%."

• Highlighting shared identity can lead to substantial increases in desired actions.

• Using shared identity in personal and professional requests can improve outcomes.
• Highlighting long-term relationships or common memberships can increase cooperation.

"We've been in the same psychology department now for 12 years. I really need this."

• Emphasizing shared history can turn a negative response into a positive one.

"I had the information that afternoon."

• Demonstrating unity can lead to quick and favorable results.

• The principles of scarcity, social proof, commitment, consistency, and unity play crucial roles in influencing behavior.
• Practical applications of these principles can lead to significant improvements in sales, compliance, and cooperation.

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